Saturday, December 27, 2008

Guess What I Got for Christmas?

The flu.

That's right, I woke up Christmas morning puking up Thera-flu and nose spray. I made it through the boys opening their gifts, trying to be cheery while my head felt like it was going to explode from the sinus pressure, and feigning interest in unpackaging and playing with their toys with them.

By the time we made it to my parents' house, I was a shivering, foggy-headed mess. I laid in their 80 degree living room, wearing jeans, a shirt and a hoodie, covered in two quilts and begging people to put various throw blankets, jackets and other heavy items they unwrapped on top of my pile for warmth.

I had to have Mr. Ashley unwrap some of my gifts for me because I was too cold to poke my arms out of the blankets. (Maybe Big Kid was right about the advantages of a Snuggie?) I got awesome stuff too, my mom buys the best gifts, but someone could have driven a Mercedes convertible into the family room with a big bow and my name on it and I wouldn't have been able to muster up the strength to leave my cocoon of blankets.

I was asleep the second we finished unwrapping gifts and woke up shivering a few more times and hearing everyone having fun in the other room. I finally dragged myself up the stairs and fell asleep in the guest room until dinner was announced. I knew I couldn't eat the Prime Rib I was so anxiously anticipating, so I resumed my position on the couch and counted the seconds until it would be feasible to leave. Once the scraping of the forks stopped and the menfolk started up with "When I was in high school" stories, I begged to be taken home.

Once I got back to my own bed, I huddled underneath a mountain of blankets and shivered and sweated and ached and could barely tell the difference between my crazy, delusional dreams and reality. My jaw ached so badly I couldn't close my mouth and at one point I was dreaming that someone had shot me in the face and I was in the hospital. I would wake up covered in sweat, lying in a puddle and freezing, half heartedly trying to rearrange my blankets or find a towel to put under me.

Needless to fucking sucked. BIG TIME.

I literally missed Christmas.

I also may have ruined our mattress with my non-stop hours of sweating.

Thankfully, my mom offered to watch the boys the day after Christmas while Mr. Ashley worked, so I was able to shiver and sweat and marvel at how my head felt like it was 500 broken pieces barely held together without little kid adding to the good times. This was the best gift ever. I don't even know how I could have done it otherwise.

I still have a splitting headache and my mattress is still damp, we had to put towels under the sheet just so I could sleep there last night.

I'm just glad to be halfway human again.

I think we should all just go ahead and do Christmas again, for my sake. It's only fair.


Anonymous said...

AHHH, Im so sorry!! That is terrible!! I really do hope you feel better soon! What a crappy time to get sick!

Unknown said...

Oh that is so sad! I'm so sorry! I think you should wrap the presents back up and have a do over, the prime rib too. I hope you feel better soon, hang in there!

Jeri is said...

Sorry you were sick and hope you are feeling human again very soon.

Julie H said...

Oh that so sucks ((hugs))

Multislacking Mama said...

POOR ASHLEY! I am so sorry.

We have sick at my house- the LLM. And a bored 6 year old. Not a good combo.

I hope you are feeling a little better by now. Nothing worse than the Christmas sick and to miss PRIME RIB of all things :o( BOO!


Karlise said...

Oh no! I'm sorry Ash. I hope you are feeling better soon and yes, I do think you should get a Christmas do over.

Jennifer said...

It IS only fair. I got the flu the week after Christmas last year... and I was pregnant. After I decided to forego the flu shot. Stupid me. Never again. I'm sorry you were sick.

Melodie said...

That really sucks, Ashley!

Renee said...

Oh MAN, I'm so sorry! :(

-The Renee

Joy said...

I also felt pretty shitty christmas day and worse the next day which was not fun since I love going out looking for bargains on christmas stuff

Red said...

Heck yes you get a Christmas do over! And you deserve some great presents just for getting out when you were sick. Tell Mr. Ashley I said so!

Anonymous said...

You just described my Christmas. I was "it" in the Family Flu game right about the time we all sat down for Christmas Dinner. I want a REDO!

Paige said...

I had the exact same problem---but it was two days before, and the day before I had to get on an airplane. We just got back last nite from the most miserable week away from home ever.

It sucked.

Hope you feel better soon