It was my lucky night tonight!
We had decided against doing a float, because it was too expensive and a big pain in the ass. Then we found out an advertiser was going to be in the parade, so we asked if we could walk alongside his float.
Well by the time we got there, my sales person (who is a gorgeous blond) and I were really not in the mood for walking miles. We eyed her convertible, and eyed the rest of the floats lined up, and then found a parade organizer and begged to let us stick the convertible in. She was hesitant, but we had this whole story about how the convertible was part 2 of the original float and we just looked so darn cute in our red and white striped knee-highs and Santa hats, that I don't think she had the heart to say no.
So we rummaged through my car and found a vertical, free standing banner and propped that up in the back. We found some balloons from an event we did last week, and I shyly approached H&R Block and asked if I could borrow some helium. We tied this balloon bunch together and to the car with a partially shredded foot of a ribbon I found on my car floor, pulled our Santa hats down over our ears, parked our Santa bags full of loot next to us (I sat perched in back like a homecoming queen....I was actually sitting on the stand for the banner so it wouldn't flip out of the back of the car) and rode through the parade in comfort(other than the metal bar in my butt) and style. It was great.
On my way home, I pulled out of a gas station and got pulled over almost immediately. I was truly clueless as to what I had done wrong, and slightly freaking out because I got a warning about two weeks ago for speeding. It was a woman, which worried me even more because many of them are immune to my charm. She asked for my license, insurance and registration and I asked what I did wrong.
"You pulled out into traffic back there."
"I did? Well, I came out of the gas station...I had plenty of room and time though."
"No? What do you mean? What's the exact rule or law about pulling out? I've truly never encountered this before."
"If you're pulling into 45 mph traffic, no one should have to slow down to accommodate you when you get on the road."
"Ever??? Wow. I always thought as long as I had a reasonable amount of space and planned on accelerating immediately, I'd be okay."
She looked like a hard ass and I thought I was in trouble. At this point I was still rifling through my glove box, with a pile of stuff in my lap, searching for my insurance.
"Ma'am, is that a beach parking sticker for 2006?"
"Yep, that's probably the last time I ever made it to the beach, and as you can see the sticker never ended up on the car. Here's proof of insurance from 2003. Here's a barf bag--wow, that had to be about 2002-2003. Look, I'm sorry. I've got it. I just drive the Mom-Mobile, as you can see. I just got back from working the parade and if you just give me a minute..."
"I just got back from the parade too. Are you going home?" I assured her that I was and she wished me Happy Holidays and a good night.
Big, huge sigh of relief from me. Although, I kind of doubt I did anything illegal. I'm super paranoid about pulling out, more so at night because oncoming lights scare me. I think she was crabby from the parade chaos and was like, "Fuck this bitch for making me slow down" and then realized that sitting there while I sifted through 7 years of documents to find proof of everything just wasn't worth her time.
Thank goodness. I'm ready for bed. My princess wave and perma-smile wore me out.