Saturday, February 28, 2009


I am at my wit's end with little kid today and it's only 9am.

I am tired of not having ANYTHING of my own. If I am eating, he is hovering around wanting some. If I have a drink and make the mistake of getting up to answer the phone or go to the bathroom, he drinks it. If my purse is left within reach, he is digging around in it and taking whatever he wants into his room.

Nothing is off limits or just mine. I've tried to instill that idea in him that I'm a real person who needs to eat and drink and likes to have stuff of her own, and I've pointed out that I don't mess with his stuff or eat half of everything on his plate, but it makes no difference to him.

I just got back from the bathroom to find him in his bedroom behind his crib drinking my Coke (that he pulled a chair up to the counter to reach...I'm not foolish enough to think I could keep a drink on the coffee table where I could reach it myself without getting up each time I wanted a sip) and I'm ready to lock him in his room the rest of the day.


jenn said...

I think he figures that, well, she shared her uterus with me ... how big a deal is a Coke?

Anonymous said...

Oh geez this sounds familiar. Growing up, one of my 3 older brothers would eat off others plate, drink out out someone else's cup, rummage through other's stuff. The classic "what's his is his & what's everyone else's - is his too". This would lead to some major knock down-drag outs with everyone involved. One day my Dad had had it with him & his constant mooching & inconsideration. Everything from that point on in our house became color coded. I got pink, the boys had green, red, blue, Mom & Dad were exempt. Your could ONLY drink, eat or use whatever item that was your assigned color. Back then there was no such thing as "time out", so if your broke the color-coded rule.... then you paid a price. Back then you could spank kids. The worst punishment though was that you would have to give up an item you coveted as chosen by the "victim". More than not, you never got that item back either. A few times of that sure cured my brother of his unbridled greed & mooching.

Julie {Angry Julie Monday} said...

Sounds like my son. He's up my ass anytime he's with me. And if you try and ignore him for awhile, he gets into trouble.

I was gone Thursday night and came home to a hole in the side of our couch.

Anonymous said...

Wow, he's just a kid. That's what motherhood is, my dear - you no longer have "you time" or "your" possessions, etc.

If you're not prepared to share a drink or a meal, then you're not prepared for kids.

And why would you leave your purse within his reach? And why are you drinking Coke? I don't even have full-sugar juice around my kids, let alone a drink with like 11 teaspoons of sugar in it.

Kira said...

Oooh, you're writing about my life again!

This is why, ever since birth, I sneak into their rooms at night and chant the following to them as they sleep peacefully:

"Mommy doesn't share."

"Mommy doesn't share."

"Mommy doesn't share..."

Amo said...

My 5yo keeps asking for snacks ALL. DAY. LONG. My assumption was that he was asking b/c he was bored. (At least that's what my laziness told me.)

I just found cracker wrappers under his bed. The kid is hiding and eating saltines. Tell me you don't fell better about your parenting?!

Unknown said...

Well Anonymous, you are clearly a better mother than me! Congrats on that!

compulsively yours...for now said...


I personally love when people get on and leave judgmental self serving comments due to their obvious lack of self esteem, and my FAV is when they do it anonymously!

I think if your gonna sling mud you should take your mask off and play like a grown up.

Unknown said...

Anonymous is clearly the best mom ever. She has obviously given up her entire life to her children and has no selfish bone in her body. Too bad when her children are all grown up she also won't have a life...

compulsively yours...for now said...

Ok I so ripped into anonymous for you Ashley and it is not showing up, It is obvious she (if she is a she) is an overweight monster of a woman who has been denied the pleasure of a man that loves her and stuffs her face with twinkies all day while pretending to have children, which she can not have due to her hermaphrodite status, and replying anon to a normal mothers thread about real life.

I am just trying to tell you, I dont even put my drink up, I scream at them for getting in to it along with buying the 6 yr. energy drinks because I dont like to hear him cry.

You are a wonderful mother I am sure. At least compared to me and I will say that with my name so proudly displayed.

Piece o' Coconut Cake said...

You know, I know exactly how you feel. I just hate it when my four YO goes through my stuff and next thing I know, she's smoked all my cigarettes and decided to give my blow to the cat!

J said...

Anonymous, seriously, you are an obnoxious twit. Go away if you're so much better than Ashley. Her blog is so obviously beneath you and your awesomeness.

My 7 year old has decided he's gonna start pulling that crap. At least little kid has an excuse that he's little. I hate to spank him, but if he keeps it up his little fanny's mine. You are totally allowed to have stuff that belongs to just you, all kids need boundaries. It's hard to get through to toddlers that you are not an extension of them; therefor it's hard for them to realize what is yours is not theirs. Try taking his cowboy stuff away one piece at a time, starting with his precious lasso. He'll figure it out soon enough. I'm sure big kid will thank you at the very least.

jennyandcompany said...

that's a new one - once you become a mother you are no longer allowed to drink coke. ok, got it. any more fabulous parenting advice? what if they steal my wine and sneak a sip, is that bad too?


Jennifer said...

I think Anon is that Bitch from BK's school.

My grandmother used to tell us, "if I had a little shit would you want some of that too." And now you know where I got my filthy mouth.

Peggy's Place said...

Just wondering, is there any kind of filter that would block any anonymous comments? Then none of us would have to even know their "opinions". Daily lurker, but I'm tired of all the slams you get....

Ella said...

I wish I could tell you that it was going to get better. Sadly, no. Well, yes. It will get better when he moves out.

Just get used to the fact that any possession that you love he will probably break or lose.

It's all a part of "the joy of motherhood" that they forget to put in the manual. Or, they might have, I just never got given one.

Hang in there! At least you can take comfort in the fact that you are not alone (I see by the comments). We all (except anonymous - sanctimonious commenter that she is) feel your pain!


Shut up anonymous, clearly you've never squeezed one of these little parasites out so you have no room to talk. They're selfish, conceited, egotistical little people for many years and real mothers know that.

Southern Mom said...

Yes, you should disable anonymous commenting. There are too many unhappy people who are looking for a happy talented person to insult.

Lori said...

You attract some really stupid trolls around here. Why is that?

Anyway, I came across this today and immediately thought of you and Big Kid. Big Kid would love you so freaking much!

Sorry, I'm too dumb to figure out how to make a real link.

But that is one hell of a deal on a Snuggie!

Julie H said...

Just be glad you don't have girls! I actually noticed my teenager wearing my UNDERWARE one day. Now somethings are just not made to be shared!!!! Add to that my make up and shoes. TG she doesn't like my shirt and jeans anymore!

Anonymous said...

Oh, be glad you have sons. At least it is limited to food and drink (except the purse could give you pause later on).

Those of use with daughters can share the stories of the special scarf/piece of jewellery/purse/shoes (this at least passes if their feet keep growing/jackets/blouses/perfume/make up and most irritatingly my makeup brushes and whatever else the little female magpie feels entitle to use without permission.

You will discover it is missing:
10 minutes before leaving the house

You will find it:
as you (the shuttle) pick up the little darling and her friends from school
as you look out the window and see it walking away
as you sort through the laundry.. that isn't yours
under the her bed when you vacuum
if it breaks
in the bag of "garbage" that she's dumped outside the door when asked to clean her room... if you have daughters NEVER throw out that bage before rooting through it. It's truly miraculous what is restored to you - keys, MAC lipsticks and eye shadows, keys

Good luck on figuring out how you'll make it through this stage. Rest uneasy knowing that for it to pass another will take it's place. But know you are not alone.

Anonymous said...

First, I love your blog. I do not have a blog of my own and in order to leave this comment, I will have to do so "anonymously." Second, I am commenting about an earlier post. I am a teacher who is very familiar with car pool lines, safety patrol, etc. While I was horrified to read your story and surely would have come close to losing my shit as well, it is NOT the responsibility of the safety patrol students to make sure that kids don't get run over or hit by other drivers. That, I believe, is the responsibility of the PARENT and the ADULTS who are outside. Yes, the girls should have been paying attention, but I was shocked to read that you (and quite a few commenters) were so upset with them, or maybe because I am around 11/12 year olds all day, I know that I would never trust them with my child’s life!! And, giving the VP a hug? Well, sure, but that is what the VP is out there for. That IS the VP’s responsibility as the adult on duty!! I just hope that you and other parents realize that ultimately, the well-being of your child, was not up to those safety patrol girls!!

Unknown said...

At our school the job of the safety patrol is to help the car riders out of their car and close the car doors behind them...not group up and gossip and play patty cake games. So, they weren't doing their job and them not doing their job made it that much easier for this situation to happen.

The school has tied my hands in terms of taking responsibility by forbidding me from walking my child to class. I'm to let the safety patrol kids open my door, help him out and close it and there isn't much I can do once the door closes. I'm pretty much forced to trust these 10-11 year olds to be able to get the job done.

It's Big Kid's responsibility to stay out of the street--but he's 5. Kids like him are the reason there is a need for safety patrol.

And of course I wanted to hug the VP for thinking and acting so quickly. Instead of standing there like a dolt wondering why I had slammed on my brakes, he immediately put 2 and 2 together and jumped in to help. Since 9 out of 10 of the adults in Big Kid's school walk around in a self-absorbed haze, I appreciated that he was "with it" and possibly just saved my kid's life by acting quickly.

From the way he was marching over to the safety patrol girls, I'd say he thought they had some responsibility in this whole ordeal as well.

Anonymous said...

Okay Ashley... but this is your kid's SAFETY we're discussing here! I understand that you feel your "hands are tied", but if that's the case, perhaps you should take into account other cons of your child's school - "9 out of 10 adults walking around in a haze"???

I'd never let my child go to a school like that. And, I'm sorry, but I'd never trust my 5 year old to leave the car and run across the street himself, or even in the care of a 10 year old. Just not something I'd do.

Sigh... I can predict the chorus from the Ash-bots: "You fat cow! You dumb bitch! You stupid idiot! I guess you're perfect, huh?!"

I'm just saying - you complain with one breath but refuse to fix the sitch in the next. After such an experience one would think you'd look more closely at the hands you're leaving your child in but all you have to say about it is that you "didn't want to hold up traffic".

Bravo to the anonymouses of the site - they're the ones that tell it like it is!

Unknown said...

So what do you suggest I do Anonymous? I cannot afford private school and I live where I live.

I've spoken to the principal before about adult attitude at the school and have gotten NOWHERE. As you know since you work at one (and may be one of the dolts I'm speaking of) we're not talking Harvard graduates with a master's degree in child psychology who are wiping down tables for $6 an hour.

Luckily Big Kid's teacher is great and he has limited contact with anyone else there.

He doesn't cross a street....he hops down onto a curb and walks straight into the school.

I am NOT ALLOWED to park and walk him in.

So what is the suggestion here? Would you like to subsidize private school? Because I'd love to send him, but I'm not so certain they'd have a safer car rider situation than stepping down onto a curb and having a 10 year old close the car door behind you.

Please, oh wise one, do enlighten me. Clearly I need help from you parents who are doing it instead of bitching come up with some actual helpful suggestions since you know it all.

You fucktards act like my kid is crossing a 6 lane interstate and narrowly avoiding life threatening danger every day of his life when this was an isolated incident.

Anonymous said...

There's some comical irony in the anonymous know it all teacher not even being smart enough to comment on the right post. I vote for disabling anonymous commenting. The trolls aren't even funny any more.

Anonymous said...

Since I do not have a blog myself I have to comment anonymously, but I read your blog because absolutely effing hilarious.

And I just felt so incredibly enraged by this anonymous commenter who clearly knows everything ever. Really though, how can a person possibly give that much of a shit to argue with you? I'm embarrassed for her and would like her to try possibly getting a fucking life.

That is all :) Continue making me laugh!

compulsively yours...for now said...

So Anon, do you need to get laid or are you always this big of a bitch.

I feel sorry for your children if your five year is under such close surveillance, let me guess you sent him to jesus camp and he is training to be a preacher as we speak. Oh, and is he teaching creationism to all the children at the playground? Oh, of course not he is not allowed to play without mommy dearest next to him. I will save a place for him at the prison, because ms. anonymous coddling has been PROVEN to be as harmful to a child as leniency. so coddle away dumbass.

Just so you know..jesus taught us to not be arrogant judgmental people. So, you may want to pick up your cherished bible and actually read it. Come over to my blog and we can play some more, wont you please come play with me?

One more thing, stick a cork in it. Maybe your husband will allow you to touch his manhood if you shut the f@#k up every once in a while and stop harping on people you dont know.

Or is it you know ashley and you are insanely jealous. BINGO!! we have a winner, careful, your insecurity is showing.

Anonymous said...

I love anons reason for not posting under her name. Hey smarty, just wanted to point out that when you clicked to post anon you passed by not 1 but 2 other ways to post with a name, without a blog. Like so....

Anonymous said...

I am probably one of a handful of "male" readers to this wonderful blog. As a new father to an 8 month son I enjoy coming here to get a little insight as to what I might have ahead of me. I find this blog hysterical and i also enjoy reading the comments from the other readers as to advise on ways they have handled or would handle the situation to which Ashley is writing about. I rarely chime in but today I could not stand it any longer.

To the first anonymous contributor..all I can say is WOW! Are you coke in a house with children. And I am glad you followed that with how you do not even store any "full sugar juice" around your kids. Relax a little...if my kid is sneaking drinks of of coke or god forbid full sugar juices that is the least of my worries. Just to let you in on a little secret at my house...are you ready? I keep my wine opener within 10 feet of my stash of wine!! "Gasp" I know according to you it should be kept in the saftey deposit box at the bank...I tried that but nearly got arrested when I was trying to retrieve it one night at midnight. Please lighten up a little.

Second: In regards to todays post about the car line at school. My wife is a kindergarten teacher and once every other month she has to be at work early for "bus and carpool duty" for a week. All of the teachers rotate and there are typically 6-8 teachers working...2 on the busses and 6 with the parents. Just a thought.

Last, Ashley I think it is sad to see how your writings have changed. Todays post is an example of how your post was so PC as to try to avoid negative comments from anonymous readers. You clearly spelled out how you you did everything in your power to keep your drink and things out of the hands of LK...This is your blog, do not worry about what these idiots say. 99.5% of your readers are normal and relate to your frustrations. The beauty of what you do is you put it out there for us all to share and get a little laugh out of it. Keep up the great work. I admire and appreciate you for the time you dedicate to this blog.

Anonymous said...

(Hugs) I love your blog...I comment anonymously because I don't think it would make much difference if I posted a name...anyway...I'm just following up on another comment I had left on your other post about the bullhorn and lunch mom bitch....I still think you should try to get big kid into another parochial or private school as soon as you are able. You used to love the Jews and never had any complaints about Big Kid going there. I'm seeing Oprah's "inner voice" in you every time you post about Big Kid and the crap that goes on at his school. Listen to your "inner voice"....this school is not the right place for Big Kid. He's worth much more!

Make it happen!

Still waiting for the book.....

Anonymous said...

Please excuse the "anonymous" I really want to comment on your blog but don't have the time or energy to figure out how to sign up. I promise I will soon.

I just have to say that your post really hit a nerve with me. You see, I have four children ages 27, 25, 22 and 21. I know EXACTLY what you are trying to say. I never had my own things. I would buy something and tell the kids that it's MINE then would later let them use it only to find they had broken it. I can't tell you how many times that had happened. I believe that it is a matter of boundries. Something that I failed to teach my children. Do not make the same mistake. You are allowed to have your things that they should never touch. Teach them now or they will continue to take advantage of you even when they are adults. Life is full of boundries, not just the home.

As I type this I'm a little pissed at my two youngest children. One of them has moved back in with me and he still seems to think what is mine is his. It's driving me crazy. I could go on and on but I'll end it now..... PLEASE teach your children boundries... and respect. It will make you all happier.

TheOtherJennifer said...

Maybe you should start taking his stuff...try explaining tampons to a 5 yo, then come talk to me...

modestyv said...

Oh my goodness. These kids definitely do not understand that mommy is an actual person too. My 2 year old son is the same way. Sometimes I just wanna scream "MINE"!

Melodie said...

Katie is the same way. If it's mine, she wants it. She loves going through my purse to find stuff she wants - make-up, my phone, and especially tic-tacs. She knows she's not allowed to have any Coke, but that doesn't stop her from trying to sneak a sip if she thinks I won't catch her.
We've all been sick in my house this week, and it has been very difficult to keep Katie from taking sips out of our drinks. Luckily, we seem to have been successful in keeping her from getting what the other four of us had.

Missives From Suburbia said...

This seems like the appropriate place to admit that whenever my kid so much as looks in the direction of my Coke, I say, "No, NO! VERY HOT!!" in that "don't touch it or you'll be permanently disfigured and Child Protective Services will take you away and you'll never see Momma again" sort of tone. So far, he's buying it.