Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Thanks Big Kid

I'm starting to think that Big Kid's mission in life is to embarrass me as often as possible.

On Friday, I was waiting in the car rider area with the other moms who are there every day...not talking because we never talk. None of us. It is very awkward and strange and whenever I do attempt communication, I end up regretting it because talking is even more awkward.

Well, remember the mom who took Big Kid out to the patio for lunch and then made a big deal out of his empty lunch box, never assuming that it was obviously a mistake and that she should help him get a lunch somehow? She was out there too. She looked up at me as I approached and then turned around to face the hallway. I know she saw me, but we never talk and that's fine with me so I thought nothing of it.

Finally the kids come out and as I take Big Kid's hand and begin to walk away, she stopped me and said, "Oh, I have to tell you something really funny that happened today."

I felt uneasy right away, since she's done this to me before and our definitions of funny differ, and because I thought it was annoying that she was stopping me now, noisy kids streaming by, adults crowded into us, bullhorn blaring, when we had just been standing there in silence moments before.

"Today was the walk-a-thon; I volunteered. A lot of the moms did, actually, I was surprised you didn't."

Mmmmkay, I thought. Let's get to the funny.

"Miss D told the kids to all go get their jackets and Big Kid said, 'I don't have a jacket because my mom was too lazy to pack me one." Then she laughs.

"That's not funny," I told her, turning to Big Kid, "Why did you say that? I didn't pack you a jacket because it is warm and sunny out," I told Big Kid.

"Well, we were all cracking up. It was very funny. All of the moms thought it was." she replied before walking off.

What a bitch, am I right? I think she's spoken to me two times total (and our kids have both been to each other's birthday parties, so we have done outside of school stuff together) and both times were to tell me "funny" stories about my inadequacies as a parent. Both times were "funny" stories that I wouldn't have relayed to the mom if I was the one to have overheard it, because most of us are better off not knowing the crazy crap our kids are telling people about us.

Also, we all know that there must be Big Kid stories that actually are funny and that aren't related to how much I suck, so why doesn't she share those?

I do feel the need to state that it has been in the high 70s/low 80s and clear and sunny every day this week. I haven't even seen anyone with a jacket, nor do I think one is necessary.

I just think it's really weird that she only speaks to me when she has some story like this to relay. Whatever.

Thanks Big Kid.

Now, yesterday I was library mom (note to self: next time you feel the urge to volunteer for a full year in an elementary school, stab yourself in the eye with a fork instead and call it a day) and some kid gets in the seat Big Kid had decided was his. This was not a big deal, so I told him so and expected we'd move on.

Big Kid starts whining and complaining and as I tell him to knock it off, he gets argumentative. I pull him aside and threaten him, in disbelief at his indignation and the fact that he was near tears over this absolutely ridiculous ordeal.

We get up to the librarian and she says, "Scan your card" and Big Kid says, "I'm not going to."

"You're not going to?" She asked.

"Nope. Nuffing in life is important to me anymore."

I scrape my jaw off of the floor and ask, "Did you just say that nothing in life is important to you anymore? Because someone took your seat?"

"Yes. Nuffing matters to me. Nuffing is important."

The librarian looks at me and stifles a laugh as she urges him to go ahead and scan the card. He said that he would but he wasn't going to wear his card around his neck like the other kids do, because it didn't matter, nothing mattered.

I managed not to beat his ass right then and there but HELLO. Nothing in life is important anymore?

If a child said that in my presence I would assume I was dealing with a chronically depressed and mistreated child, or a child who lives with someone who has serious issues and would say such things in front of their kid.

Thanks again, Big Kid.

So to recap, Big Kid has the people at his school convinced that I would pack him a lunch of two broken pretzel sticks and a melted chocolate, that I'm too lazy to dress him properly and that his life is so hard that nothing in life matters to him anymore.

And that's just what I know about.


Julie H said...

Oh my gosh he is such the drama boy!! That woman at the school is just a BITCH!! God how rude.

Sassy Cass said...

Ok, I have to say that the things he said are funny. I would have LMAO if I heard any of that, but I NEVER would have assumed that he was mistreated or neglected, just that he was funny as hell and a tad dramatic.

However that other mom is a total Bee-otch. Talk about rude..

Jeri is said...

Do you ever watch the New Adventures of Old Christine? Julia Louis Dreyfuss is Old Christine who is a divorcee trying to do right by her only child. He goes to a private school, and there are these two women, those Mom's like you encounter at BK's school, who always are finding ways to put her down. On the show, it is funny. In your life, it is not. Shame on that Mom.

Anonymous said...

First, she's a bitch. Second, BK seems a little dramatic, a lot like my honorary nephew.

Anonymous said...

I'm in Tampa, but I can be in South FL in a few hours to slash some tires.
Seriously, who DOES that? People who clearly have nothing better to do than think of passive agressive comments about other's parenting.

pookiesmom said...

That "mom" is a total bi-atch. She clearly needs a sense of humor.
My sons 2nd teacher has an agreement with parents, she will only believe 10% of their stories about us if we only believe 10% of their stories about her. I think BK is trying out sarcasm and wants to be funny like his mom. You should explain to him that calling you names (lazy) hurts your feelings and that you (obviously) love a good laugh, it should not be at the expense of others (yeah right ;) well at least not your mom.
Next time that mom wants to "tell you something funny" tell her you've been waiting all school year!
on a side note my lk (2.5) has learned the fine art of putting the "f" word with the "a" word...great


A. said...

That woman is a total B*tch. I have found that the most disarming way to deal with people like that is to agree with them. Seriously. Just say, yeah, I can't believe I didn't pack him a jacket today, and then act like you feel horribly guilty and verbally beat yourself up for it. She'll get really uncomfortable in a hurry I promise. She wants you to get defensive, it's how she gets power. She will be thrown by you agreeing with her.

Caren said...

Here's what I think Ashley... it sounds like she's jealous of you. From the little you've written about her, it's clear to me that she has an inferiority complex or low self-esteem and has to just put others down to make herself feel better. What a bitch! You should continue to laugh at her and know that you are superior and probably much, much prettier.

BK makes me laugh, my son is very similar, just the other day, he asked me why his friend wanted to "ruin his life" because he wouldn't let him have a toy he wanted at preschool. These drama boys are too much!

Anonymous said...

When I taught kindergarten, I started every "meet the parents" meeting with "I promise not to believe everything your child says about you, if you won't believe everything your child says about me!" So, don't worry...
And yep, that woman is a beeeotch.

Beth said...

I'll carpool with Holly. Seriously. What a beyotch! You know there's one of "those" moms in every class.

Preppy Pettit said...

I also deal with ugly Moms. aaargh!

Jess said...

My kindergartner told his teacher that he sleeps in the pantry.

Nice, huh?

Really, he was trying to tell her he gets a room with a "pantry", meaning a walk-in closet.

I think most people who work with kindergartners realize that what comes out of their mouth is usually missing some information.

Jennifer said...

What a bitch! I've never understood women like this, that feel better about themselves by putting other people down. She's just jealous because BK is so much better than her ugly, dumb kid. Plus she knows that you are smarter and prettier than her and she's afraid of you so she wants to make you feel weak. I say do something really mean to her to put her in her place. That's what I would do.

Former Fat Chick said...

I'm pretty sure my response to her would have been- He's F*CKING lucky he isn't wearing dirty underwear and nuthin else! He is so rotten...*whahaha* I kid, I kid.

Anonymous said...

She's a bitch, no doubt about it. She clearly enjoys making you uncomfortable. I can't stand people who are as insecure as she seems to be.

Oh, and I'm seriously jealous that BK didn't need a jacket! It was a whopping 8 degrees here this AM.

Piece o' Coconut Cake said...

First, total bitch. Second, funny as hell BK's response at the library. Anybody with kids knows what kind of drama goes on in the head of a child, so don't worry about it. I mean, most moms know how the world will end when we make them eat their string beans, right?

jenn said...

OK, that mom is a TOTAL BITCH. She's one of those moms who obviously feed their own insecurity by pointing out everyone else's inadequacies, real and imagined.

I'm thinking Big Kid needs to get an agent pronto. That kid is an untapped sea of drama. "Nuffing matters"? Are you kidding me?? What a riot.

julie & joe said...

That mom is totally rude! Why would she feel the need to retell that story?

I live with a drama king, too.


A few things: 1. I hope you're still blogging in 5-7 years so we can see what kind of teenager BK has become. I forsee a lot of JD Salinger.

2. I agree with everyone else...that woman is a total bitch, looking to build herself up by tearing you down. Fuck her. She's not worth the effort.

3. lk sounds like a riot. Maybe he's the one that needs to come to Texas instead of BK.

Melodie said...

What a little drama queen! I think that if BK said that to me about nothing in life being important anymore, I wouldn't think he was depressed, just a big drama queen.

And yes, completely embarrassing you in public is in his job description. Sorry.

PaperCourt said...

Why are women so petty and bitchy?

And I get the meanest mom in the world award today for not letting my big kid go to karate - a consequence for bullying his little brother after being warned a million times.

Motherhood is hard!

Paige said...

She is such a bitch. Ridiculous.

and I am betting anyone can see that BK is a drama queen through and through

Schmoochiepoo said...

Ooh that lady was a biatch! I am afraid of women like that when my little one goes to school!

I would have been praying for a bolt of lightening to smite me if my kid said that 'nuffing matters' to the librarian..what a ham!

Anonymous said...

Trust me - that librarian has seen more kids than you can count. It was probably the hightlight of her day to hear BK. This is the stuff we have a good "life is good" laugh at in the staff room.

And the other problem.
Face her down and make her squirm.
No doubt her perfect little angel is the one we don't laught about in the classroom but is the one that causes the "1/2 class of red wine every night is good for my heart so 1 whole glass will be better" work night drinking.

Call her out on the lunch thing....
BK will continue to challenge your public image until he finally leaves home. How do I know? 'cause I had a kid who carried a gold lame cocktail purse (the 1960's kind with that satisfying snap lock) and a bartender's guide... everywhere... except when she exchanged her book for a lime green copy of Scruples. Can only imagine what people thought of use at pre-school and the mall. They were also favourites for show and tell.

Trust us - primary school teachers listen with enought salt to recreate Lot's wife. Don't worry about it. Use the time to plan to clobber "the friend".

P in VT said...


She's OBVIOUSLY jealous. What a B*TCH. I'd kick her in the shins next time I see her.

Anonymous said...

She is a bitch. That is only funny when a BFF says it :) Not a random mom who thinks she is better than you, which she obviously isn't. She's a whore.

Anonymous said...

She sounds like the moms I deal with...They behave worse that the children!

Anonymous said...

Oh, she sounds like a peach to me! Invite her over! I'll drive down. Instant BFF material right there.

BK is going to be hell on wheels. You think it's going to lk... HA!

Anonymous said...

You should totally play into this bitch's perception of you. Next time she makes an underhanded comment, just flow with it.

Say "Yeah, I figure if he gets cold he'll learn his lesson" or "I do have a life of my own, you know. I can't be worrying about making sure he has every single article of clothing he needs." or "Geez, we all skip meals every now and then; one lunch isn't a huge meal."

Or else just call her a fatass and walk away.

Maddness of Me said...

There is something about the bitch mom at his school that bugs me, I think it's time to put her in her place.

Maybe a simple, maybe somebody has a comb you can borrow... or a I don't remember the last time I saw that style of jeans how funny... or maybe even a Suck It.

I hate her.

~Gretchen~ said...

Did you ask her what her screen name on the bargain board is? She has to be a bbc'er with snark like that.

Ceci Virtue said...

Oh wow! Flashback! This takes me back to when I was a kid. POOR me! My mom embarrased me... or my sister did... or something. The world almost ended like a BILLION times when I was a kid because of things that weren't fair... or embarrassment! Seriously... life was THAT serious to me. I turned out ok... fairly. Heh.

... and I agree with Tara. I hope you're still blogging when BK's a teenager. Oh the places we'll go! The stories we'll tell!

ANNNDDD yes, that woman is totally getting off on your alleged "inadequacies." Frak her!

Unknown said...

I love the venom! To think I deleted the part where I called her a buck toothed cow. I knew I should've left it and that you all would understand. She sucks.