Wednesday, February 24, 2010

ಠ_ಠ

I just got laid off.

I typed that about 50 different ways before accepting that sentence. Lost my job? No, I didn't freaking lose it, I know exactly where it is. Fired? It wasn't harsh or mean or bad like that sounds. Laid off? All of those things make it sound like I have some culpability in this or deserved it somehow.

"I just got laid off" sounds pathetic but no worse than any of the alternatives.

Being all Gifted and all, I kind of saw this coming but it doesn't make the reality hurt any less.

And it's not just the money (although the money really fucking hurts)--I loved that job. There was not one day where I woke up and wished I didn't have to do it. Even though things couldn't go 100% my way or even the way I thought they should go...I just loved it. I liked my daily tasks, I adored my supervisor, I enjoyed what I did and I felt a sense of purpose and accomplishment from doing it. I felt connected to my community. I was proud that my kids knew that their mom enjoyed working and loved her job and could see that work doesn't always suck for everyone.

I also really liked my Blackberry and laptop. Petty, minor things that shouldn't even be a consideration, but the final kick to the gut will come when I surrender them.

I swore that when it happened I would handle the situation with grace! I would retain my dignity! It would be the catalyst for the great things I am destined to do!

But now that it has really happened, I'm more like, Eh, fuck everything about all of that shit.

At least for right now. I'm tired of figuring out what to do next and I need some time to wallow. To lie in bed with my feather pillow folded into a mask around my eyes and ears.
Just for a little while.

And then we'll move on to figuring out this grace, dignity and doing great things nonsense.

24 comments:

Vee said...

I'm so sorry, Ashley. You deserve fabulous things for bringing so much laughter to others. I hope things start looking up soon!

Caren Drink said...

I'm sorry Ashley. It was a perfect job for you... hang in htere. And stick to the high road (I know you will).

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear this news. I hope that things start turning more positive for you soon. BTW, I LOVE this blog. It is by far my favorite!

Ms. Attitude said...

I am so sorry to hear that. I hope everything works out for you.

KatieSPerk said...

That totally sucks. I am so sorry! You need to wallow. That is the only way to be able to deal with this. Get your wallowing out of your system and then you will be ready to handle what happens next. It still sucks though.

Something In The Glass said...

I'm sorry to hear that. You are very talented, so never fear - the cream always rises to the top.

Cindy said...

I'm so sorry to hear this! Take some time to wallow and feel it, and then get ready to move on to the next thing. :(

::hugs::
xo

Annie D said...

Such a bummer! Something else will come along, and hopefully you will love it just as much! I was fired (actually fired, because my boss was a stupid bitch but that's another story) when I was 2 months pregnant with my little one, and the stress nearly killed us all! But I have a new job now and I am so much happier it is unbelievable! Everything happens for a reason, right? Or something like that?

Duel Living said...

Ah....fuck that job...even though you liked it....they didn't deserve you. Hunker down, drink hot chocolate and have a good cry...then go out and kick the world in the ass!

Jennifer said...

Been there. Twice. In the last five years. It hurts. It is like a big ole kick in the gut. I went from being an "expert" to having no one know or care about what I do. I'm still bitter. I just keep telling myself that there is a plan. A purpose that I don't see or understand yet. I can't say that it helps a lot though.

I'm sorry.

Anonymous said...

that totally sucks and i am so sorry but everyne's gonna tell you that so i'm taking a different route:

...i think little kid may be looking for employees? right? just don't fall prey to one of his accidental co-worker death plots. he's got the hair now to match the reputation. tough guy. =)

seriously though, i am sorry. and i promise that God will land you exactly where you are supposed to be.

with love.

Lin said...

I'm so sorry Ashley. This sucks big time! Everyone at my job is getting let go too & I think I might be the next one on the list :(

I'm sure you'll find a new job in no time.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry- that sucks for sure. You ARE destined for greatness though. I'm a wee bit psychic and I feel it :)

Susan in Texas

Melanie said...

Suckfest! I'm so sorry, but you know how they say that people in misery compose or write better? Just think how we, your loyal followers, will benefit from the brilliance that will come from your sadness. I kid! Sorta.

Joy said...

As with the house thing... I hope this opens the doors to bigger and better opportunities.

Rachel said...

What a bummer...I'm sorry.

Ellison said...

Holy balls. I'm so sorry to hear this, hon. Lots of happy thoughts coming your way.

jenn said...

That really sucks. I think this will be your catalyst that spurs you to great things, but don't underestimate the importance of some Wallow Time.

Beck said...

So sorry ): Guess you'll have to make your living as a professional blogger now! Things happen for a reason ya know. You are an amazing writer and SO funny, use it to your advantage!

Renee said...

I'm sorry. :(

We need a chat date, pronto.

-The Renee

Megness said...

So sorry to hear that! Wallow...then network, network, network! (Just went through 3rd jobloss in past 8 years with hubs this past summer--it sucks HUGE--I feel your pain). In this market it is mostly about who, not what you know. Chocolate martini's help with the wallowing and Linkedin helps with the networking...

Theresa said...

That bites. Just remember that you are NOT ALONE! Eat some ice cream and definitely take up drinking - a wonderful pastime.

Looking For Freedom... said...

I'm sorry to hear that. Sometimes wallowing is 100 percent necessary.

Life, Love And Lola said...

SHIT...I'm sorry Ashley!