Thursday, February 18, 2010

Target Locked

Today Mr. Ashley happened to be home around bus stop time and offered to go pick Big Kid up since little kid was napping (and since Mr. Ashley's new work vehicle is a Mercedes SUV and Big Kid feels like a total pimp in it).

I thought bus stop mom was avoiding me (which I should have been glad about, but has left me feeling perplexed and like I'm waiting for what will happen next) so I thought he would be safe but I warned him not to get stolen. He laughed, completely unconcerned.

When he came home he said, "NEVER AGAIN!" and looked shaken.

He met bus stop mom!

Mr. Ashley sucks at recounting details but said she ran right up and introduced herself, told him how she told me she would never steal him and began asking questions about his career path, all while assuring him she didn't know too much about our lives.

"So she mentioned the stealing you thing again?!? Did she say it jokingly? She didn't, did she? Because you could say that playfully but she doesn't! So freakin' weird!"

"No, she was serious. It was weird."

"She's intense. So, she IS crazy, right?"

"Oh yes. Definitely crazy."

"Tell me everything she said."

"No, I've got to go back to work. She's crazy though and I'm never going back there."

I'll bet you a bazillion dollars she's in love with Mr. Ashley now.

Moms always like Mr. Ashley. He's friendly to them and cute and he's a good dad and moms always dig that. Most of them are normal human beings who just seem to like having him around and find ways to take his side when I complain about him, but this one seems like the type who may try to befriend my family so that she can kill me and make a suit out of my skin in an insane attempt to assume my identity.

Ten days until voluntary witness protection program can start. If I disappear or start to smell or act weird before then--I might be her impostering me!


Lin said...

lol, poor Mr. Ashley! I can only imagine how she must have overwhelmed him with nonsense & questions. This lady sounds totally skin wearing creepy...keep your doors locked.

Cindy said...

It puts the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose again. Eeeew! Sick!

At least you can feel validated by Mr. Ashley's reaction to her. At least YOU are not crazy. (I mean, not the bad kind of crazy -- only the funny kind.)


Jennifer said...

Weirdos. Can't live with them, can't avoid them.

Cake said...

Somehow it makes me feel better that your bus stop mom is crazier than my bus stop mom (who did not directly threaten to steal my husband, but told me she had informed her previous neighbor that she would not steal her husband and was happy with her own "old man").

Long time no comment as the baby seems to be following the path of the E Bull. (Srsly? I never understood how Sharpies could materialize from thin air until now!)

Good luck with the crazy betch, at least she'll provide motivation for you to cheerfully pack in an efficient, timely manner.



Paige said...

I have to be honest. If he pulled up to my corner in a new Mercedes SUV, I might act out too. Those things give me a flash!

Chacoy said...

that is so funny.
I didn't have a bus stop mom, cause Chucky was a baby, but this lady would walk by our apartment and glare in the windows and when i would go to town i could see her in my rear view mirror walking toward my street in her short shorts {not cute on her} and mr man agreed, he would tell me that when i would leave she would come over and ask if he needed help with the baby- UH NO I just left. he would just tell her that i went to the corner store and that i would be right back, but she would just stand there and stare?
I don't know why these peeps are like this, but if we didn't have them what else would we laugh at and and tease our men about?
shit, i'm sure we could find something, but not as funny!

Doodles said...

I am so glad that I don't have that going on.. I mean my hubby would be quiet the steal don't get me wrong but I don't have anyone crazy enought to even attempt it. Then again it could be because I have been known to pee a cirle around him figuratively speaking of course.