Today Mr. Ashley happened to be home around bus stop time and offered to go pick Big Kid up since little kid was napping (and since Mr. Ashley's new work vehicle is a Mercedes SUV and Big Kid feels like a total pimp in it).
I thought bus stop mom was avoiding me (which I should have been glad about, but has left me feeling perplexed and like I'm waiting for what will happen next) so I thought he would be safe but I warned him not to get stolen. He laughed, completely unconcerned.
When he came home he said, "NEVER AGAIN!" and looked shaken.
He met bus stop mom!
Mr. Ashley sucks at recounting details but said she ran right up and introduced herself, told him how she told me she would never steal him and began asking questions about his career path, all while assuring him she didn't know too much about our lives.
"So she mentioned the stealing you thing again?!? Did she say it jokingly? She didn't, did she? Because you could say that playfully but she doesn't! So freakin' weird!"
"No, she was serious. It was weird."
"She's intense. So, she IS crazy, right?"
"Oh yes. Definitely crazy."
"Tell me everything she said."
"No, I've got to go back to work. She's crazy though and I'm never going back there."
I'll bet you a bazillion dollars she's in love with Mr. Ashley now.
Moms always like Mr. Ashley. He's friendly to them and cute and he's a good dad and moms always dig that. Most of them are normal human beings who just seem to like having him around and find ways to take his side when I complain about him, but this one seems like the type who may try to befriend my family so that she can kill me and make a suit out of my skin in an insane attempt to assume my identity.
Ten days until voluntary witness protection program can start. If I disappear or start to smell or act weird before then--I might be her impostering me!