Thursday, February 11, 2010

I've Been Friended

Oh people, what have I gotten myself into?

So yesterday I got all pretty for the bus stop, rehearsed how to ask so that it was clear that I was inviting only the child over and only for a couple of hours, and started walking to the bus stop with little kid.

I saw her on the corner up ahead and she began shouting and waving, running towards me, waving her arms. Unsure of what the deal was but certain that it was urgent, I crossed the street and walked toward her.

"Sorry but you can't walk on that side of the street! With your back to traffic! So many cars just almost hit you, I was so scared--they didn't even slow down!!" She said breathlessly.

Two cars passed me while we walked. I walk up on the curb and little kid walks in the grass beside me and both cars still swerved to give us ample room. We live in a super quiet neighborhood of people who can generally drive straight and not hit pedestrians. But whatever.

"I'm the other big kid's mom. He rides this bus. We just moved to those apartments."

"Yes, we met yesterday. I'm Big Kid's mom," wondering if she forgot that we met.

"I know," then she launches into her life story. I wish I could recount it but I'm already scared of the 1 in a million chance she'll read and recognize this story at some point. But people...I shouldn't know the things I knew within the first 5 minutes. What will even be left? It was that kind of conversation. Lots going on.

About 2 minutes later she takes a breath and says, "I'm sorry. I don't ever talk to adults. I'm so lonely. Since I had my youngest, I don't really have any friends and neither does my son and..."

And I've so been there. This poor soul was looking into my eyes like a lost puppy needing a friend. And I like her son. I decided not to abort the mission (although I still only wanted the kid to come over).

"Yeah, I was wondering if we could have your son over to--"

"YES! Yes! That would be great, he would love that!!"

"Okay, how about he comes over tomorrow or on--"

"Tomorrow! Tomorrow is perfect!"

"He could walk home with us from the bus stop, I live just right there. I'll give you my info and everything--"

"Come meet my mom. You have to meet my mom, I told her all about you. I told her how I met someone who was so happy and how I knew we were going to be friends!"

"Oh. You told your mom about me? Ha ha. I don't know if people would call me happy but yeah, thank you."

"No! No you are happy! I can tell. I could tell when I met you. It will be nice to have a friend in the neighborhood."

"We're actually moving in a few weeks, but we'll still be nearby."

"Are you sure?"


"You should move here," she said, pointing to the apartments.

"Oh I would, these are a great deal, but we have dogs and--"

"I'll help you with the dogs! You should move here!"

"Well we already have a place lined--"

"Think about it though!"

So I met her mom and she was really sweet. The kind of "Please for the love of God, be my child's friend" type of sweet.

She stood there with her pen and a scrap of paper, "Alright, give me all your contact info!"

I gave her my name and address, pointing to our house again, hesitating with the phone number because we all know it's probably a bad idea, when she says "Phone number too so I can CALL YOU!!"

Well, I was going to have her child in my care, of course she needed my number. I gave it to her.

"Okay, well I'll see you tomorrow at the bus stop--"

"We're so excited! We can't wait to come over! It was so nice of you to invite us over! Mom, she invited us to her house tomorrow!!"

People, crazy invites itself over.

Then she told me she voted for John McCain and when I said I liked him other than the whole Palin thing, she said she loved Palin because she reminds her of her great uncle in North Dakota.

(Could I even make this sort of shit up?!?!)

As I was walking away, head spinning, she yelled out, "There's no school Monday! We can do BOTH DAYS!!!"

Sooooooo, I am in for an interesting afternoon and am ever-so-thankful we'll be moving soon. I sense boundary issues and long conversations that leave you tired and confused. Also, I double checked because I was having a hard time believing it, and her child has been in this school since the beginning of the year and she doesn't seem to know his teacher's name. She genuinely seems nice, don't get me wrong, she's just a little overwhelming--she talks quickly and goes off on odd tangents and shares a lot of information. I woke up with a feeling of dread until Big Kid woke up and yelled "Today's the day!" because he's so incredibly excited to have a friend over.

The things I do for my kids.


Anonymous said...

hahahaha Oh no! As a generally socially retarded adult who hates playdates I can completly relate. Reading that made me remember why I use an ipod when I workout so I don't have to talk to a strange person who wants to be my friend! hahaha

Jennifer said...

Oh hell! LOL the good side, it should provide some GREAT blog posts :-)

Meghan said...

I am frightened for you.

Vee said...

And another reason why I read your blog daily -- this is bound to be some of your greatest entries to date. Keep up the hard work of keeping us all entertained!
Happy Mardi Gras!

Unknown said...

I keep hoping that I misunderstood and she'll drop him off after making sure we don't have guns and drugs lying around, but it's doubtful. I'm pretty much freaking out about it now that it is in the very near future. At least I won't have to work hard at holding up my end of the conversation talking-wise? I guess? What if she won't leave?

I'm never, ever doing this again. Friend gate is closed, Big Kid will have to make due.

Anonymous said...

She sounds a little manic... Do you think?

~Gretchen~ said...

better you than me, darlin'

MzLiz said...

Dear Ashley,
I suggest you move immediately. Change your phone number, do not leave a forwarding address--and consider purchasing a disguise.
Best of Luck,

Shannon said...

The Southerner in me says, "Bless her heart!" The realist in me says, "she's psycho. Stay away!"

jenn said...

But, my God, Ashley, think of the blog fodder!

The Semi-Domesticated Mama said...

Oh geez. I'm scared for you. This is exactly the reason that I don't talk to people. Ever. Crazy seems to find me no matter where I go. Good luck!

Jen said...

Oh, this is going to be good! I can't wait to hear the follow-up story on the first playdate! Great blog entertainment.

Doodles said...

Okay seeing as how I know it wasn't me... cause I didn't meet anyone new here lately that so completely discribes me. I do home daycare so I don't get out of the house much and I don't get to talk to adults very often. So I could have very well been that person. I am normally shy in big groups but one person I could tell my life story to.. LOL And she might be very educated, I am working on my Masters-- so I think sometimes what I have in book smarts I lack in social skills. LOL Hope your Play Date goes well.

Lin said...

ha ha, you're such a good mom. I hope she doesnt drive you crazy. Good luck!

Jewelie said...

OK, so here's the million dollar question: Why does she live with her mom? Is it a money thing or is it because she is not allowed to have her children live with her alone? Because honestly, she sounds a little crazy pants.

How opposed are you to changing your phone number when you move? I'm thinking you're going to need to.

Unknown said...

Jewelie, I don't think she lives with her, I think she was there helping her with her baby (I could be wrong though).

And what really sucks is that instead of giving her my home number, I gave her my cell number which can't be changed any time soon.

At least I'm moving (but she knows which community, another dumb move of mine.)

Jennifer said...

Shannon - It is, "She's a little bit crazy. Bless her heart." Right?! LOL

My favorite line of all time: "People, crazy invites itself over." I must remember this.

Jen A. said...

wow. sounds like you just met my boss. within the first 5 minutes of meeting her I knew WAY too much about her. at least you get to move. I'd be an idiot to quit my job. :-)

Jewelie said...

Can't be changed because you have important calls coming in? Because if that's not the case, I'm pretty sure that if you say that a crazy stalker lady has your number and you need to change it because she frightens you a little, they'll do it for you.