Sunday, May 9, 2010

Just Two Please

Sitting here on Mother's Day with people running around tearing things up and fighting, and Mr. Ashley out on a work call (his new position keeps him "on call" 2 weeks every month), I can't help but think that what I REALLY want for Mother's Day is a fool-proof birth control plan.

I love the two kids that I have more than words can express, they are what makes life good and despite all of my bitching, they bring me constant joy and give me a reason for being...but I don't want more. Unequivocally, absolutely, positively DO NOT WANT to give birth ever again. I don't even get those pangs of longing when looking at other people's bellies or babies. I feel warm and fuzzy over their excitement and I love their babies, but lord am I glad it isn't me. The very thought of it being me gives me the heebie jeebies, and not in a good way.

As if to illustrate my point, little kid is screaming "CAN YOU WIPE MY BUTT?" from the other side of the house as I type this. He will not do it himself. Ever, he swears.

That's the kind of stuff I don't need more of.

But every birth control option out there sucks and hormones and I don't mix well. After much research, the idea of a vasectomy came up and Mr. Ashley agreed that it made the most sense. I even argued against it at first, pointing out that he may go on to marry someone else some day and maybe she would want kids. Too bad for her! he declared. He didn't want more kids or to start over again with babies, no matter what.

Until I got down to researching doctors and then actual appointment times. Now there's just major evasion of the topic when it comes up.

"It seems a little invasive," he mentioned.

"Yeah, so is growing a human being in your body for a year and then pushing a whole person out of your vagina and letting it suck on your boobs for another year. Twice." I reminded him.

"True," he agreed.

Now whenever the kids are fighting or ruining our fun, I say, "You want more of this? Throw in some dirty diapers and midnight feedings?" and he agrees that it sounds pretty awful.

There are days where, if I had a better grasp of biology and knew where my tubes actually were, I'd chew through my own flesh and tie those puppies up myself. Without anesthetic.

Now that's invasive. Moms know invasive.


Bren said...

We are pregnant with number two and are planning our permanent birth control NOW! There is that new Essure - like getting your tubes tied but no surgery. That and the big V are at the top of our list and since I will have met my insurance out of pocket this year - I may be the big winner!

Jewelie said...

If you aren't allergic to nickel there is a permanent option for you that doesn't involve surgery at all. It's called Essure and basically, they put little coils into your fallopian tubes and then the tubes heal around them, basically sealing off your ovaries. You still get periods though, which is wicked lame, but at least you don't get children.

Anonymous said...

My husband had a vasectomy when #2 was 4 months old. It wasn't the most pleasant 30 minutes of his life and he tells people he "took one for the team" I was not a fan of messing with my hormones, and while the vasectomy was a "little" invasive, it was what was best for us. Just give him an ice bag and a couple vicadin for Father's Day :)

Anonymous said...

Tell Mr. Ashley it's not a big deal. The self-proclaimed "biggest wuss" I know had one and said the worst part was getting a knowing look from the cashier while paying for his dozen bags of frozen peas. :)

(Yes, frozen peas are the recommended post-surgery anesthetic.)

Kelli said...

My husband had the big V in October. He agrees it is the best decision we ever made. No worrying each month if I am late. No pills to forget. It was OB/GYN who convinced him to do it. Doc said "She had 2 c-sections. Now it is your turn." My doctor RULES, lol!

Anonymous said...

My husband was supposed to get snipped...didn't... seven years after number two, guess what happened? Yup, number three.

While I wouldn't give him back, I also wouldn't recommend such a large age gap.

Needless to say "The Discussion" came back in full force, but then turns out I had a bum uterus and needed a hysterectomy after number three, so hubs got off the hook...but I SWEAR the possibility of number four made me say I would have snipped him myself!

Joy said...

I went in with my hubby when he had it done - I watched the whole thing.
It was pretty cool - very easy compared to what we women go through.
The whole procedure took less than 30 mins.

Anonymous said...

I had my tubes tied, and its the BEST thing Ive done!! Its a whole new world!! And.. I get a feeling of superiority around miserable looking pregnant women, and/or women lugging screaming newborns, diaper bags, and car seats. LOL. Like I have some kind of "control" that they dont. Horrible, I know, but true all the same. Do it. You'll thank yourself. Post-op drugs are nice, and you'll get to play the whole martyr card for a LONG time! Think it over. ~CoCo

Jennifer said...

my husband had a vasectomy two years ago. He said it wasn't too terribly bad. He was sore for about two weeks, but he was still able to go to work and stuff. I think he only missed two days of work.. the day of the surgery and the next day. I have to admit.. it IS nice knowing I don't have to worry about a slip-up in the birth control!

Heidi said...

"Yeah, so is growing a human being in your body for a year and then pushing a whole person out of your vagina and letting it suck on your boobs for another year. Twice." I reminded him.


Unknown said...

I think the TRUE sign of not wanting other babies is being around them and not wanting one of your own. Since you're clear on that, you're good! Your husband is the opposite of mine, though-I want 3 kids and he isn't sure-he was ready to go upstairs and get a big V the DAY our little "surprise" was born!!

Julie H said...

I had my tubes tied after my last one. Best decision ever!!

Deb said...

My husband complained of soreness for three days, then he said he felt fine. He didn't bleed clots for eight weeks or suffer hemorrhoids. His hair didn't fall out afterward. He never had to attach a machine to his testicles to squeeze out milk. All in all, I'd say my husband got the good end of the deal. And even if he had gone through more, I bet he'd say it was worth it. It is sooooo worth it.