Saturday, September 29, 2007

Spa Day & Date Night

Well, it turns out I don't like facials. Unfortunately I did not discover this until I was laying on a table, covered in hot wet towels, with a paper mask on, hot steam enveloping me and a small Mexican woman digging holes in my face. Holy panic attack, Batman.

For some reason, the whole thing made me unbelievably claustrophobic. Mr. Ashley always laughs when I call myself that because I sleep completely (head and all) under a down comforter every night of the year, but put me in an unairconditioned elevator and watch my heart thud out of my chest while I struggle to breathe.

At first the hot towels felt good, but then they just felt wet and heavy and like they were trapping me. The steam blast is definitely what sent me over the edge. In an attempt to calm myself, I tried to do my Hypnobabies hypnosis visualization and breathing...but that was hard to do when I felt like I was drowning with every breath.

The lady must have sensed that I was ready to climb out of my own skin and run from the building screaming, because she threw in a really nice upper body massage. That sounds kind of pervy, doesn't it? It was just my back and arms and face and neck really.

English wasn't her first language and when she was getting me situated in the room and telling me what to take off she said, "And if you could just bare your breasts for me". LMFAO. She meant for me to take my shirt off and put a little towel wrap thing on but I wanted to say, "What are you, Howard Stern?" but figured she wouldn't get it or appreciate it anyway. Or maybe she really was hoping I'd show her my ta-tas? Who knows.

By the way, why didn't any of you advise me against letting someone poke at my face before a night of wanting to look pretty? I looked better going in than I did coming out.

Then I got my mani/pedi. For the record, any of you in this industry, I generally don't want to talk. HOWEVER, if we do talk, I definitely don't just want to talk about you the whole time. Everyone please take note: when in conversation with another person, if they ask you a question in an attempt to learn more about you or just to avoid awkwardness, it is then your turn to ask a question back. Don't just go on and on about yourself and your smart kids and your boring life. I have smart kids and a boring life too and I like to talk about them.

My Bordeaux red fingers and toes looked fantastic!!! For about an hour and 20 minutes, when I mistakenly assumed they would be dry and I jammed my toes into my 4 inch BCBG super sexy dinner heels (called dinner heels because I can only wear them if I'll be mostly sitting down) and smeared off most of one toe. DAMN IT.

Oh well, I looked great if I do say so myself and we had a fantastic night at a super ritzy restaurant and then went to a really fun bar for a Bailey's Banana Colada which they didn't even charge me for since it was my birthday!

Then we came home and...well I'd tell you but Mr. Ashley would blush. Let's just say he owes me a double cheeseburger. BECAUSE CHEESEBURGERS IZ GOOD!!!


Deb said...

I'm glad you had a great evening! That reminds me... your "friend" hasn't reviewed any new toys in a while.

P.S. I hated facials until I got up the nerve to tell people that steam thing makes ME claustrophobic. Now they're fabulous. Heaven help anyone in an unconditioned elevator with you and I together.

Lynda Kay said...

I for one have never experienced the hot towels/steam blast treatment during my facial so I had no idea you were in for a pimple-popping torture session..

P.S. What reminded Deb of sex toys...? (pervert)

Burrus Boys said...

Glad you had a great evening. Have been meaning to tell you I bought the Gap dress you advised in a previous post. Very boob friendly. Love it a lot. What's next?

kelly bee said...

omg! i thought i was the only crazy person who freaked out when they started the steam!!! i was having the most amazing facial at grove park a couple of years ago when i had a total claustrophobic panic attack. i guess it'll just be massages for me.
kelly bee