Monday, September 24, 2007

Young People These Days

The other day I was thinking about the text messaging trend sweeping the country these days. Don't ask why I was thinking about text messaging. Maybe because I currently have no cell phone? Possibly because it takes me 10 minutes to compose a text message?

Damn, I'm old.

I'm officially old enough to annoy kids by telling them how bad I had it when I was young:

For example, remember pagers? What a bunch of shit that was. You call me and leave a number, possibly one I won't recognize unless you include a special code, and sit and wait for me to run around and find a phone to call you back on.

Remember old school text messaging? Entering 07734 so the recipient could turn it upside down and read hello? 143 for I love you? That's as steamy as it got. There was no sexy camera phone pictures or text message sex. Text message sex...can you believe people do that? Who has the time? Or that many hands?

How about rewinding things? The other day Big Kid wanted to watch a VHS tape and couldn't wrap his little mind around what could possibly be taking so long. VHS tapes and music cassettes SUCKED ASS. They always got screwed up, they were annoying to deal with, they're too big and bulky, and rewind and fast forward just aren't efficient enough. Oh and there was no rewinding live television. If you missed it, you just missed it.

We didn't have Ipods. We had Walkmans with headphones that had big scratchy ear cover things that often got lost or chewed up somehow. It was very difficult to maintain cool hair with these pieces of crap strapped to your head. And do you even know the effort that went into mixed tapes? Versus just making up a playlist on Itunes and downloading everything? It wasn't even illegal back then.

Speaking of hair, hairspray and a curling iron was a requirement in the life of a teenage girl. You know how much Aquanet it took to get bangs to stand up that high? Too much. Big bangs are probably a huDge factor in this whole global warming problem.

We had no internet to write our papers, solve our science fair projects or email our teachers late night questions. When we got internet, it was dial up. Oh the horror! Do kids today even know the sound of a modem? There was no Sims games, we played Oregon Trail. Yeah, try to protect your family from dying of diphtheria or drowning, have a great time!

Game systems? Does Atari even qualify? Remember blowing into the Nintendo cartridges and jamming one in on top of the other just to be able to play? NOT BEING ABLE TO SAVE YOUR GAME?? Man, that pisses me off just thinking about it. Talk about unfair.

Hypercolor shirts? Please grope me so you can see your hand print. Z. Cavaricci's? Pleats are bad, you can't convince me otherwise. Button Fly Jeans??? Man, how it sucked to be doing the pee pee dance and trying to unbutton those suckers. Or trying to rebutton in cold weather. Jams? The whole decade was hideous.

There were no portable DVD players to amuse us on long trips. We had to amuse ourselves by hitting our sibling for crossing the imaginary personal space line or reading until carsick.

Cartoons came on Saturday morning. That's it. There weren't Cartoon networks. There weren't whole channels dedicated to the amusement of kids under 6. There were probably only 6 channels. We felt lucky when we got 50 channels, these brats have 500 (and still nothing to watch!!). At one point, we didn't even have a remote control. There was no such thing as DVR or dictating what you'd watch when (unless you could program your VCR and no one could).

And the music these you know how hard it was for a 5th grader to get her hands on 2 Live Crew's "Me So Horny"? An N. W. A. tape? Don't get me wrong, I remember Katy and I listening to "One & One" behind some bushes at Tommy Joe's house, but it was a mission. Kids these days have it easy. It's harder to avoid it than it is to find it.

I'm turning 29 on Thursday, so I'm not that old yet but it is funny how quickly things change. It doesn't seem like that long ago that I was carrying around my blue pager and excited by cutting edge technology like AOL. Well, at least I'm not 30. Or God forbid 35. (Yeah, I know I just pissed off lots of you. Tee-hee).

By the way, if anyone wants to send me a token of your love, for my birthday or any day, I gladly accept Coke Codes (found on the cap or on the front flap of the box of any Coca Cola products). Just comment me with them and I will use them and reserve a little piece of my heart for you. I'm also available for any money making opportunities. I think I mentioned that before, but it's worth revisiting.

(And we all know 40 is the new 30 and 50 is the new 40, so don't be mad. I don't want the over 30 crowd to withhold their Coke codes from me.)


Sarahviz said...

Bee-yotch. I'm turning 35 in Feb!

Judy said...

Yeah, I was going to hand you my pile of coke codes until you dissed my age, girl. I may have even found a way to give over my 550+ coke points to you, but nope. Nothing doing now. i'm going to bust my sagging buns to put in these codes this week. First I have to find my bifocals. Maybe they're on top of my 8-track.

Anonymous said...

OMG what memories you brought back about blowing into the Nintendo games to get them to work!!!!!

Happy early birthday. I have no coke codes though. :)

Deb said...

I'm almost 38. I don't even know what Coke codes ARE. I might send you a nice card if you can describe the Commodore 64 user experience.

tommie said...

you had me at aquanet....but dang, I am pushing 40 next year. I swore I wouldn't ne the 40 year old kingergarten mom ......uuumm, yes, that was karma biting me in the a$$

jennifer said...

Yep, the good 'ole aquanet and sky high bangs--that had to be perfectly proportionally poofed! And the vcr--haha--I NEVER even tried to program one--not once. Seemed to daunting!

Hope you have a Happy Birthday...I'll be 34 this year and my twenties seem ages ago!!

Sasha said...

I used to turn my head upside down and spray the hairspray all around my face- let it dry a bit- flip my head back up, then use the blow-dryer to make SURE the hairspray got cemented to hold the hair out from my face. I'll be 34 in Dec- anyone else remember Awesome hairspray?

Ned said...

I also said I would not be the 40 year old kindergarten mom but yet it happened. AQUA NET- I seriously worked the bangs. Maybe that is how I got the cancer!

Kate said...

Ok - even though you dissed those of us 35 and over **AHEM**ME...I have some Coke Points for you because it is still my main goal in life to have you love me. I would have had more but I through a ton of them away (sorry!!!!)I have 2 caps so far but give me the rest of the week and I'll probably have a ton more since I am addicted to Coke.
BB7TXNRJWWH0 (I think the last one's a zero)
By the way, you forgot to mention pegging your jeans and wearing huge socks pushed down and lovely lovely hightop sneakers untied and so loose you had to shuffle your feet to walk.....or maybe thats something only those of us over 35 will remember :D

Anonymous said...

OMG you totally crack me up I will also be 29 this year so I am there with you with all of this. I had a Green pager I was the shit at least I thought! I remember all the codes they were great. OMG the hair it was just great. Did you ever do the two different colored socks under your tight rolled jeans!!

And since you bring so much joy to my life everyday here is my Coke reward code from hubby's 12 pack
04FK J09R WM0X


Unknown said...

Kate and Joy are my favorites! Congrats on winning my love :-)

Remember Aussie hairspray? That terrible, purple, 80s stench that we all thought smelled so good? Gag.

Muffy Willowbrook said...

Happy Early Birthday, you 30's snob! I'll be 35 in Feb, too! And you know what? I'd never go back. 30's are the best time of my life! Embrace it!

Kate said...

YAYYYYY FINALLY!!! I'm stockpiling more caps for later when I feel the need to earn your love again! Aussie hairspray was the shiz but how about White Rain shampoo and conditioner?? To have 80's hair, you must have Aqua Net...nothing like the smell of frying hair as you had the bangs tightly rolled around the curling iron desperately spraying them as they "cooked" to make sure the curl held so you could tease it up...good times good times.

Anonymous said...

Holy Crabby Patties, that was funny! The poor kids these days, waah waah waah. OREGON TRAIL! I loved that game. =) These kids don't what a game is. I remember when you had to GET UP to turn the channel. The horror...lmao! I mentioned before that we had the same bday. I'll be 31 tho, you young biotch! You are just a baby. LOL! Anything fun planned? Out to dinner with the hubs for me. No kids tho, woohoo! thanks for the always HILARIOUS read.

aka your bday buddy. =)

Unknown said...

HairSpray=GlobalWarming. lmao!

The 501 experience was so fun to relive. Thanks for the memories!

Unknown said...


I totally wore like 4 pairs of socks over my straight legged, tight-as-hell jeans.
If my shirt was blue, purple, and pink.. so were my socks, on the outside. Oh the horror!

I have tons of coke codes for ya, pretty lady.. I just have to find the time to go get them from the kitchen and type them alllll out..
It's a big task but for you, I will.
Happy early B-day.
I am 30 in November :(

Stacy said...

I am LMFAO so hard here, holding the tummy. I'm officially the youngest commenting at 27 but I'm feeling old these days too. I had my pager glued to my pants trying to read those damn cryptic messages you had to figure out using numbers for letters. The blowing into the nintendo cartridges, seriously tooooo funny!!!!

Renee said...

Deb, I had a Commodore 64! The most I could ever do on it was LET A=2, LET B=3, LET C = A + B, RUN. I fancied myself quite the computer programmer back then. I'll be 36 in April. Gulp. Where did the last 10 years go? I never had big hair. For some reason, I never learned how to fix my hair. Never used a curling iron or hair spray. Always just tucked my straight locks behind my ears or put it in a ponytail (or a banana clip....). I was kind-of a hippie stoner chick in high school (or at least a wanna-be hippie stoner chick), so I guess that explains it.

-The Renee

Buford Betty said...

I'm turning 30 next week... someone help me!!!!!!!!!!

And not to mention we paid like $3 or $4 for cassette singles... gimme a break! I remember you could often get 3 for $10 at Turtles. Good times.

Smoochiefrog said...

OMG that was a total blast from the past! I'll be 35 in December and I still remember all those fads. In fact, I still use Aqua Net on my daughters hair for dance performances. That stuff holds like GLUE!!!! Hey, her hair never falls while she's dancing. :)

Jazz said...

Yup - all those crazes made it across the Atlantic to the UK too. So funny! I turned 31 last week (boo hoo).

I still love button fly jeans though. I can get them off in record time. Came in handy in college ;)

Lyla Lou said...

ACK, I have nightmares that I'm at work or somewhere important and someone hands me a mirror and my bangs are sprayed up and back and I can't get them down. I shiver. It's funny to think how much time I spent in my youth getting those damn things to stay up like that, and how horrifying it is to me now.