The other day I was thinking about the text messaging trend sweeping the country these days. Don't ask why I was thinking about text messaging. Maybe because I currently have no cell phone? Possibly because it takes me 10 minutes to compose a text message?
Damn, I'm old.
I'm officially old enough to annoy kids by telling them how bad I had it when I was young:
For example, remember pagers? What a bunch of shit that was. You call me and leave a number, possibly one I won't recognize unless you include a special code, and sit and wait for me to run around and find a phone to call you back on.
Remember old school text messaging? Entering 07734 so the recipient could turn it upside down and read hello? 143 for I love you? That's as steamy as it got. There was no sexy camera phone pictures or text message sex. Text message sex...can you believe people do that? Who has the time? Or that many hands?
How about rewinding things? The other day Big Kid wanted to watch a VHS tape and couldn't wrap his little mind around what could possibly be taking so long. VHS tapes and music cassettes SUCKED ASS. They always got screwed up, they were annoying to deal with, they're too big and bulky, and rewind and fast forward just aren't efficient enough. Oh and there was no rewinding live television. If you missed it, you just missed it.
We didn't have Ipods. We had Walkmans with headphones that had big scratchy ear cover things that often got lost or chewed up somehow. It was very difficult to maintain cool hair with these pieces of crap strapped to your head. And do you even know the effort that went into mixed tapes? Versus just making up a playlist on Itunes and downloading everything? It wasn't even illegal back then.
Speaking of hair, hairspray and a curling iron was a requirement in the life of a teenage girl. You know how much Aquanet it took to get bangs to stand up that high? Too much. Big bangs are probably a huDge factor in this whole global warming problem.
We had no internet to write our papers, solve our science fair projects or email our teachers late night questions. When we got internet, it was dial up. Oh the horror! Do kids today even know the sound of a modem? There was no Sims games, we played Oregon Trail. Yeah, try to protect your family from dying of diphtheria or drowning, have a great time!
Game systems? Does Atari even qualify? Remember blowing into the Nintendo cartridges and jamming one in on top of the other just to be able to play? NOT BEING ABLE TO SAVE YOUR GAME?? Man, that pisses me off just thinking about it. Talk about unfair.
Hypercolor shirts? Please grope me so you can see your hand print. Z. Cavaricci's? Pleats are bad, you can't convince me otherwise. Button Fly Jeans??? Man, how it sucked to be doing the pee pee dance and trying to unbutton those suckers. Or trying to rebutton in cold weather. Jams? The whole decade was hideous.
There were no portable DVD players to amuse us on long trips. We had to amuse ourselves by hitting our sibling for crossing the imaginary personal space line or reading until carsick.
Cartoons came on Saturday morning. That's it. There weren't Cartoon networks. There weren't whole channels dedicated to the amusement of kids under 6. There were probably only 6 channels. We felt lucky when we got 50 channels, these brats have 500 (and still nothing to watch!!). At one point, we didn't even have a remote control. There was no such thing as DVR or dictating what you'd watch when (unless you could program your VCR and no one could).
And the music these days...do you know how hard it was for a 5th grader to get her hands on 2 Live Crew's "Me So Horny"? An N. W. A. tape? Don't get me wrong, I remember Katy and I listening to "One & One" behind some bushes at Tommy Joe's house, but it was a mission. Kids these days have it easy. It's harder to avoid it than it is to find it.
I'm turning 29 on Thursday, so I'm not that old yet but it is funny how quickly things change. It doesn't seem like that long ago that I was carrying around my blue pager and excited by cutting edge technology like AOL. Well, at least I'm not 30. Or God forbid 35. (Yeah, I know I just pissed off lots of you. Tee-hee).
By the way, if anyone wants to send me a token of your love, for my birthday or any day, I gladly accept Coke Codes (found on the cap or on the front flap of the box of any Coca Cola products). Just comment me with them and I will use them and reserve a little piece of my heart for you. I'm also available for any money making opportunities. I think I mentioned that before, but it's worth revisiting.
(And we all know 40 is the new 30 and 50 is the new 40, so don't be mad. I don't want the over 30 crowd to withhold their Coke codes from me.)