Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Car Rider in Disguise

Well, the car rider line isn't going so well.

I decided that this year I'd follow the rules and get in the stupid line and wait like everyone else, versus parking and grabbing my child and going. Yesterday was the first day of this. They called Big Kid's name 7 times before asking me to park in a handicapped spot and jump out and find him.

So we had a good talk after that about listening so he'd hear his name and we tried again today. I got there FIFTY MINUTES ahead of time (this is required if you don't want to wait in an insanely long line) and I was the 7th car in line. Finally the kids were brought out and I watched Big Kid hop up and down and wave at the similar-colored SUV in front of mine. After several minutes of this, the driver rolled down her window and Big Kid awkwardly realized it wasn't me. Then he spotted me and began squinting, waving and hopping in my direction, with me holding my hand in the "STOP" position so he would remember to wait until they told him which numbered spot to go to in order to get into my car.

There are 6 numbered spots. I'm number 7. The lady announces for him to go to spot #1. He's sitting less than 10 feet from me and spot #1 is clear on the other side of the car rider area, completely out of sight of me. After lots of waving and repeated instructions into the microphone, he reluctantly went, with a backwards glance at me. The current round of 1-6 takes forever though and he's waiting there a while, with me still in spot #7.

Suddenly I see him running back towards me. An adult reaches out and grabs him, turning him around as he angrily points to me and tries to make a break for it. I wave for him to go with her and he jerks his shoulder from her hand and sullenly follows her back to spot #1, where I pull up moments later.

The aid opens the door and cheerfully says, "He made it! See you tomorrow!" She closes the door behind him and I ask, "How did school go?"

Shaking with what could only be described as rage, he replied, "FINE! Until da LAST PART! I'm neber bein' a car rider again. Dat lady was tryin' to put me in a stranger's car and I was tryin' to tell her dat my mom's car was right dere and she MADE ME go to spot #1. TO A STRANGER'S CAR!! I 'scaped when dey weren't lookin' and sneaked back to you and she caught me and made me go back. I'll neber do it again. Unless I get a moustache and maybe some glasses so dey won't recognize me."

As I snorted back laughter, I explained how they were doing their jobs and how their car rider system worked and why they did it that way. "For safety reasons," I concluded.

"Well, puttin' me in a stranger's car doesn't seem safe to me. Takin' me from my mudder doesn't seem safe to me. DOES DAT SEEM SAFE TO YOU?"

"They weren't trying to put you in a stranger's car. Even if they accidentally did try, a stranger would realize you weren't hers and wouldn't take you. If she did take you, I'd see you drive off and chase her down and get you back. Seriously--it's safe. I promise. It will go smoother next time."

"As long as I get a moustache and glasses. And maybe a hat. Den dey won't know it's me."

So, I'd say the car rider ladies are officially on his shit list. You pretty much don't get off of that list either. The McDonald's near our house ran out of Teeny Beanie Baby Happy Meal toys and still had the advertisement up and he still comes unglued over them and their false promises any time we dare go through the drive thru.

I'm thinking it might be in everyone's best interest if I just park and grab him, so he doesn't have to lurk in the car rider line wearing a Groucho Marx disguise, and for the safety of the unsuspecting car rider line ladies.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ok, so I totally don't understand the car line. Is there no school bus and you live more than a mile from school or what? Thanks to the people who I anticipate will clear this up for me.

Bren said...

I never knew picking kids up from school was so darned COMPLICATED! At least he made it safe and sound - and no mustache required!

cfoxes said...

Seriously, he is too funny!

LceeL said...

Been in that pick up line in the past. Not one of my fondest memories.

Caren said...

I keep hearing all about these car line dramas all over the country. I'm seriously dreading it. I would definitely vote for parking and picking him up because usually the rules don't apply to us either. ;)

Renee said...

I could totally picture that entire scene unfolding as I read it. I just love, love, love Big Kid. He is so sensible. And crafty - the disguise is an excellent idea!

-The Renee

Native Mom said...

So if you show up nearly an hour before school lets out to get a spot in the pick up line, aren't you still waiting an hour in line? How does this save you time from "waiting in a long line?" I say show up half an hour after school let's out and you'll breeze right thru

Ashley said...

I like to be near the front of the line so he doesn't have to wait too long. Also, I don't think the "Come later, wait less" theory would work--the line literally goes on for miles and takes forever because all 6 spots have to be loaded up before anyone is allowed to drive away and then the next 6 pull up. It's a nightmare. If I'm in the front, I just put it in park and read or do my nails until my turn.

I want him to ride the bus but Mr. Ashley still needs convincing. He doesn't think Big Kid's ready for the evils of the school bus.

Jennifer said...

This is so awesome. I can totally understand his frustration. I would have felt the same way. I would get so upset if I walked out of my classroom and my mom wasnt' right there waiting on me.

Jennifer said...

I'm trying to convince all my friends to let their kids ride the bus. Obviously I don't have kids in school yet so it isn't my problem with the coolness factor. ;) I just can not stand the traffic in the mornings of everyone taking their kids to school and that it. Think of all the wasted gas. Not that I really care about that either. I just don't want all those extra people in my way.

I sound more selfish every day.

Lin said...

ha ha...I love that he actually thought they were going to give him to another mom. That's adorable!

P.s. You should totally get him his mustache & glasses disguise. I think it'll work ;)

Joy said...

your car rider sounds alot like ours we do about 6 deep and they are doubled up all the cars load then the next bunch pulls into spot.

Since kindergarten started last week it has been a nightmare. I blew past some cars yesterday because they weren't doubling up in the front I am sure I pissed off some moms:)

Ours will go on forever! I also get their early so I can try to be in the front not #1,369

Life, Love And Lola said...

"Taking me from my mudder doesn't seem safe to me..." LMAO! Awwww poor Big Kid!

Melanie said...

That's great! It seems to have inspired the same spark as my Big getting in the car and then I find out that he got into trouble for "Showing others his bottom in the bathroom", which actually involved a little song and dance as well. After I got onto him, I laughed and swelled with pride at my funny kid.

In other news, I am totally with you on the car rider lane. We are at a very small town school that I have to drive 30 minutes to (to satisfy Hubby who went there) and it seems like it takes up half the day as it is. Then you have to wait behind those from a really shallow gene pool (is it really in good taste for all three people in the car to be smoking as they pick up one kid???) just to get your child. It seems like there should be a better way, but I have no idea what it is. I just feel sorry for the poor teacher who has to run that side show.

bugs mom said...

My sister has the same problem in Orlando - you'd think they could come up with a better way! She tried to walk up and get her son Monday, and they made her get back in the car and go to the end of the line - the nerve! I don't know how you guys do it - I'd be in jail by now! :)

Elise said...

Hello - LOVE your blog - thank you so much for sharing such great writing and pictures. Best wishes !

Cayce said...

We have a similar car-rider-line situation and it's a giant pain in the ass. Last year I volunteered in the aftenoons and would finish a few minutes before school let out. I found that, even though I was already on school grounds, it was significantly quicker to race home and get my son off the bus than it was for me to wait for him in the defunct car-rider-line. Bogus, man, bogus.

Anonymous said...

I have never heard of this type of line. How many kids go to this school? :)

Ashley said...

999 kids go to his school, according to the first day report.

Yesterday I just parked and got him, which was also a little scary because the car rider line actually weaves through the parking lot, so getting my car back out was a bit of a bitch.

They gave me no trouble about it or even a second glance though, which was nice--so far they're a lot less institutional, more caring and seem to have a firm understanding that he's my kid even if they have him a good part of the day. The school's only been open 2 years and are very "new age" about everything. So far I like it, I hope it stays that way.