Monday, August 10, 2009

Make it Stop

Mini-mental breakdown in progress. little kid has been a real jerk all morning long. He was ramming furniture with his ride-on motorcycle so I took it and put it in the garage and he's really pissed at me. As he sobbed that he wasn't going to play with me ever again, I heard him say, "See dat? I got my naked butt out for you. At's for you, mumum," and I looked up to see him mooning me. "I got my butt out for you," he said angrily. So I put him in time out and 10 minutes later he is still sobbing and crying. He's standing here screaming now that he was born with that motorcycle and that I need to go back to work and leave him alone and how we can never be friends again.

During this, Big Kid is talking over him to tell me that he's creating (that's his new word, he is creating all kinds of stuff these days) a meatball shooter so that instead of cooking the meatballs, I can just shoot them from a gun onto his plate which is a pretty cool idea even though we don't eat spaghetti and meatballs, but now is really not the time to broach the subject with me.

Now little kid is screaming about what a good boy he is while vibrating in anger and making his Hulk faces. He just told me he's going to make a bunch of bees sting me.

I'm ready to lose my mind. I just want everyone to be quiet.

16 comments:

Judy said...

(((((HUGS))))))

Constant Frivolity said...

Good lord, Ashley, when does school start?

Nikky said...

*hugs*

Best of luck, Ashley. That's all the advice I can offer as my child-rearing amounts to babysitting, and I just screamed back at my siblings. :)

carla said...

LMAO-I'm at work, so LK just gave me a much needed giggle. Where-O-where does a 2 year old come up with such venom? He's truly a future Hell's Angel.

KK said...

Not sure if you're looking for ideas but if you are... My cousin implemented a new plan in her home last year for when the kids made it to time out but still wouldn't calm down and act nicely. In that case, they get an undesired job like picking up dog poop in the yard or scrubbing toilets. A few weeks in, all she had to do was mention picking up poop and they straighten out. I mean, her little boys will always be silly boys. But it has helped her a lot to at least reign then in a bit.

On the other hand, I love your stories of the kids acting up!! They keep me laughing!

Lin said...

Sorry to hear that your morning hasn't been a great one but I love your stories!

I can't believe he mooned you, lol.

LceeL said...

It was a long time ago - but my kids used to try that stuff too. I always found I could defuse the situation by making them laugh. SWMBO used to get pissed at me for doing it because it interfered with her 'disciplne' - but, like I said, it defused the situation.

The trick is to do it in terms they can relate to - for example - (especially with #2 son, because he was so expert at bodily functions) I would say, "You'd better cut that out or I'm gonna hit you with a fart so bad it'll melt your eyebrows." The conversation, from that point onward, would be steered in a completely different direction - away from whatever confrontation was going on at the time.

Stereos and Souffles said...

What's your pleasure? Beer, wine, the hard stuff, I'll send you an overnight care package.

Dana said...

My August 06 kiddo tells me to go away all the time. If only, right? These poor kids have the toughest life . . . Good luck with the quiet.

Dana

Valerie said...

How can 2 kids be so different? While I love your stories about the kids, I can't imagine having to deal with that stuff myself. Good thing they are so darn cute! I wish I had some magic advice, but all I have is drinkable drugs. Good luck, hope the day gets better.

Maggie said...

So when does school start?

Lori said...

It's never too early for a glass of wine!

Jennifer said...

Some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed. Sorry.

Izzy said...

Good lord, sounds like my brother when he was a kid!

heathernkids said...

Xanax.

AFRo said...

Holy shit. That was funny. Thanks.