Thursday, March 14, 2013

New Social Network

I propose a new social network that tracks your usage and can warn people when they're probably annoying their friends. It would have pie charts and bar graphs and disclaimers like:

WARNING: You are up to 62% political posts.

WARNING: This is the 14th post you've shared today, for a total of 197 this month. Continue with share?

WARNING: 33% of your text is not recognizable as language or grammar. Spell check commencing.

WARNING: Photo appears to be poorly lit, self-taken, and at an odd angle. Continue? You're sure?

WARNING: The link you are attempting to share does not pass the Snopes.com filter. Please try again.

WARNING: You have exceeded the limit for self-promotion today. Try again later.

WARNING: Your status updates have been hidden by 73% of your friends and family. Upgrade to Pro Anti-Annoying Filter?

I mean, seriously, people. I need a social network where I can actually like the people I like, you know?

Someone get to writing some code or whatever magic shit people do to build websites and call me when it's time to collect my check. I'm telling you this would be the next big thing!

16 comments:

Elise said...

This is a genius idea. I'll be your first investor.

Steff said...

Best. Idea. Ever. Especially a snopes filter. I can't believe the crap people pass on without checking if it's true!

Jamie McGinnis said...

I seriously love this. I have hidden peoples feeds because I'm so tired of the constant BS. I will be investor #2.

Anonymous said...

Where do I sign up and why hasn't anyone thought of this yet?

Nicole

Lauren said...

This might be my favorite thing you ever wrote.

Nikky said...

Brilliant.

Katie said...

This is brilliant. I would share this on Facebook if I still had Facebook, which I don't, due to several of the very things you mentioned.

MTGrace said...

The Snopes feature should be a REQUIREMENT before posting anything on facebook! That would save a certain family member of mine about 100 heart attacks a week!

Cindy * Daisies and Crazies said...

Marry me.

Renee said...

Yes, PLEASE. I've hidden so many people...I think I now view about 20% of my total "friends".

Furiously Curious said...

Made me laugh out loud. I had to read it to my husband. Please, please Snopes filter!

Jackie said...

My favorite is when people post articles from The Onion with no idea that the post they are all worked up about is from a satire magazine.

Arlina said...

This too funny! and true! I'm so happy I found your blog.

Cara Howard said...

In love with this and would HANDS DOWN join this network. xo

Amanda Cobb said...

Hahaha. Yes!!! To all of this. Can we make that happen?

Annie D said...

Can you add a warning about 90% of posts being how miserable/broke/unlucky in love you are? I have way too many people on FB who only post shot like that and it drives me nuts!