Big Kid's birthday is on Thursday.
This is something I've tried not to think about at all but Mr. Ashley had to go and bring it up this morning. "Has Big Kid mentioned his birthday yet today?" he asked on the phone.
"Yes, of course." Big Kid has been counting down for about a month.
"He's going to be 10!"
"I'm trying not to really think about it. It's stressful for me. He's going to be in 5th grade and I'm not old enough to be the mom of a 5th grader."
"5th grade! It is unreal. Ugh."
"Next year, he will be in MIDDLE SCHOOL. You know what happens when your kids enter middle school?"
"You're officially old. Period."
"We're not old. I'm not old."
"You will be when you have a kid in middle school. You better enjoy the next year. If you have a kid in middle school, everyone younger than you thinks 'Wow, I'm glad I'm not that old,' and everyone your age who doesn't have a kid in middle school feels smug and younger than you because you are middle-aged now, no matter what."
"How did this happen?"
"It's bullshit. It's not right!"
"Next year, we will have a third grader and a middle schooler. People will not see us as the parents of little boys anymore. We will not be the parents of little boys, just plain boys."
"That's sad. I can't believe it."
"Me neither. I'm going back to not thinking about it."
A few minutes later I casually mentioned my (new found, temporary, and probably only because it is physically impossible) desire for a baby boy who I would name Max. (Max Atlas, but I didn't tell Mr. Ashley that part because he would never agree to a name like that...until high off of endorphins in the delivery room where I would passionately unveil my plan) and Mr. Ashley laughed so hard I thought he would pee his pants. A very genuine laugh.
"A baby? Imagine us right now with a baby. God. You and three boys in that house. Poop and diapers and waking up--ugh! I know for a fact that I do NOT want a baby at this point in my life."
I know he's right. He's actually the only one who even likes babies so if he doesn't want one, it's really not a good plan. It's just hard to let go of the idea of being the mom of little boys. So it seems like I need new little boys. I realize this is not my most rational thinking.
But Max Atlas is a kick ass name, and it would solve the problem of me seeming old.