Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Neutered

We tried to get our dog Murphy neutered as a puppy, but were told that his testicles hadn't descended and the surgery was going to cost significantly more than we had thought. The vet advised us to wait 6 months and hope they dropped.

They didn't.

Now the little bastard is trying to mark everything as his territory, and has left me no other option than to get his invisible nuts removed.

I need to make some phone calls to get price quotes, but you know how I don't really like the phone? Turns out I REALLY don't like the phone if I know the first sentence is going to involve the phrase "undescended testicles". If I have to say that to a stranger over the phone, I will laugh. It will be nervous laughter, but I'll sound like an immature freak (and I can be an immature freak, but I don't want strangers on the phone to be able to tell). Now that I've convinced myself that this is going to happen and I've made a big deal of it, I really can't make the calls because I definitely will laugh.

I want Mr. Ashley to do it, but I guess he doesn't have the time or desire to be discussing undescended testicles at the workplace and as a result, it's just not getting done. I'm thinking about calling the Humane Society vet and declaring them the lowest bidder just so I can get this taken care of in one call.

Or maybe Mr. Ashley could call them on his lunch hour? He has testicles, he should be fine talking about them.

14 comments:

LceeL said...

Most men are VERY uncomfortable talking about testicles. Anybody's testicles. It's MUCH easier (and WAY more fun) to talk about vaginas - and even then, ONLY with other men.

Jennifer said...

I laughed reading it. I would never be able to actually ask a question about it.

Ansley Cox said...

You just made my day! SO funny!

Katie said...

Try coming at it a different way. Tell them you need to get your dog neutered and are calling around to get some quotes. They will ask you what type of dog, blah, blah, blah. Then tell them before they give you the quote that you were told he has undescended testicles. And laugh. It's funny. Just say something like, never knew that could happen to a dog! Who cares what the people at a vet clinic think of you? I'm sure they get weirded stuff than a woman laughing at her dogs undescended testicles!

Ashley said...

Katie, I thought your way was good but I cannot even practice it without laughing like a maniac. I don't even care if they know I'm an immature freak, I just don't want to deal with the awkwardness of being one.

I'm going to try to stop thinking about it and deal with this tomorrow (Work it Out Wednesdays, remember that?) OR beg Mr. Ashley or my mom to do it for me OR just make him an appointment somewhere and let them figure it all out and charge me whatever. Those are my options so far, actually calling today isn't even on the list anymore.

Katie said...

LOL - I understand. Maybe you could just drop him off on the door step of a vet clinic with a note saying, "Please remove undescended testicles. Be back to get him tomorrow. ktxbai~Ashley" That ought to work! :)

And my first comment had a frickin typo, I meant weirder.

Anonymous said...

My vet has email. Maybe you could try to get a quote that way. I know you could be very mature over email!
Kelli

PS-yes, I am too lazy to get an account! One day....

Jen said...

Oh this is funnnnny!

peggy and The Cats said...

Can you go back to the vet who told you to wait? They already know his problem and it should be on their computer chart when you identify yourself and dog. Then when you say why you're calling they will see it right there and be expecting your request. And you know this is a very common problem - they've heard it all before.....

the.bleach said...

try using "retained testicles"

Ned said...

Just do it. Our first Lab, died because we did not neuter and those undescended testicles became cancerous. I still regret it!

Mom said...

Humane society is the cheapest but I think I just heard about a low cost spay/neuter day. I will try to find out about that.
Mom

Joy said...

I will never forget when I work at the vet and the other girl that worked the front with me had to ask the dr about a dog's vagina and she used the word hooha. the dr said "what" we laughed so long about it, she never could use the word vagina to his face:)

this was quite a few yrs ago and that word is still me favorite name for it:)

just call them and tell them he is defective and you need him fixed, but be prepared it will be more pricey since they will have to go in search of his ball instead of just a little bitty cut to pop it out:)

georgiagirlincarolina said...

Can you say 'cryptorchid' instead? Pronounced just like it's spelled (crypt-orchid, like a grave and the flower), and it means the same thing!