This morning Big Kid called out, "I don't know what's goin' on, mom, but this cereal sure is messy. Sorry 'bout the mess."
I looked over to see a dribbled milk trail from where he was sitting to about 8 inches to his left, where his cereal bowl was.
"Uh, Big Kid?," I asked, sliding his bowl in front of him, "Maybe you should pull the bowl closer? Ever think of that?"
"No, good idea! That'll do it!" he said happily.
Exasperated, "Big Kid, for being so smart, you really have a hard time with some simple concepts."
He stared at me blankly, "I don't understand what you're saying."
"I'm saying I think it is funny that you're so smart, but you have a hard time with things that seem like they would be easy--you know, like realizing the milk was dripping because your bowl was way over there."
More staring, "I don't get it. What are you trying to say?"
"I just don't get what you're talkin' about, sorry."
"Yeah, I know. It's okay."
"Well, now I want to know. What you're saying."
"I'm saying that you are a super smart boy who gets confused about things like socks and cereal. That seems funny, to be so smart but still so silly sometimes."
"Yeah. I don't get it. What?"
"Are you kidding?"
That was the start of my day and it only got more frustrating from there.
The day ended with me screaming, "LITTLE KID, ENOUGH WITH THE WATER! TURN IT OFF!" I heard a mumbled reply over the running bathroom sink faucet and asked Big Kid what he had said. Big Kid answered, "He said 'I'M BRUSHING MY TEETH, FUCKER!'"
"What? WHAT?! WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"Um, he said, 'I'm brushing my teeth, fucker', 'cept he yelled it."
Upon further interrogation, I'm not positive he said that. He's been calling everyone a bucket head lately (I don't know why) but either way I'm concerned that he either said it or that Big Kid used it correctly in thinking he said it.
Those were the highlights of the day. I left out the gory details. It was not a good parenting day.