(or maybe a crime boss)
Well, for better or for worse, little kid has had his first brush with crime and real live bad guys.
We went to pick up my friend (Em's mom) to hang out at the pool for the day and she mentioned how sore her legs were from walking to and from the bus stop.
"Where's your bike?" I asked. (She is currently without a car, which is an almost impossible way to live in my city.)
"Someone stole it. The bike racks on the bus were full so I left it chained up to a fence and then I came back the next morning to get it and the fence was broken and my bike was gone. I've been walking for weeks."
"On the way here, I stopped at a garage sale in my neighborhood and saw a bike for $5. Want to go get it?"
"Ant Innakay?" This is how little kid says 'Aunt Lynda Kay'. "You bike gots stolen?"
She answered in the affirmative.
"Who stealed your bike? Bad guys gots your bike?" For the sake of simplicity, we said yes.
AND I HAVE HEARD ABOUT THESE DAMN BAD GUYS EVER SINCE. Going on day #4.
little kid is furious. His Ant Innakay needs her bike!! He grilled her all day long on how she knew the bike had been stolen, how the broken fence looked, what tool she thought the bad guys may have used to break the fence, why they would want to steal her bike, why she hadn't just left her bike safely at home--it didn't make for a relaxing day of swimming.
We tried to point out that we had gotten her a new bike, so it had all worked out okay but the thought of theft had him on fire at that point.
He decided that him and his work friends were going to retrieve her bike and more importantly, punish the bad guys. The bad guys have long hair (because all bad guys have long hair) and were keeping her bike in a garage.
"My wook fwiends and me won't bring knifes to a fight wif a bad guys." He promised after we dropped her off later that day.
"That's good, you're not allowed to touch knives."
"But we gots lots of forks! Even steak forks! Me and my wook fwiends do. We won't make a bad guys dead though, 'kay?"
"With your forks? Okay."
"My wook fwiends will help by frowin' a broken rock in their eyeballs. But then Ant Innakay's bike falled down into a lava! But my wook fwiends will get it out. I don't know how; maybe wif a fishin' pole or a big net or a hook on a string? And then my wook fwiends will take her bike back to her house for her. 'kay, mumum?"
Endless chatter. It went from funny to infuriating within hours. I also fear for any long-haired guys on bikes we may see out in public.
Things died down a little bit and then we watched Pee-wee's Big Adventure on Sunday morning. A movie about a bike theft. I remembered what was about to happen a few minutes into the movie and knew that it would stir the bad guy situation back up. And it did.
If I ever see anyone riding around town on her bike, I may just stop my car and beat their ass myself for putting me through this 3 day conversation.