Tuesday, September 9, 2008

The Competition

I know I owe you all the birthday party post, but I don't have photoshop on this computer and I don't have the copy of the invite on this computer and blahblahblah, but basically not tonight and I don't want to avoid you all until I get around to it.

So tonight was the "meet the teacher" night for the parents. Mmmhmmm. That's right, I met all of the a-holes that were just too busy to check the RSVP box within the two week time frame that I gave them.

I also met "class mom". Oh, she thinks she's hot stuff. I can tell she thinks she's the coolest mom.

Well lady, just because you can coordinate your outfits cutely does NOT mean you'll be the coolest mom in class. First, I don't know how you beat me to the "class mom" position (butt kisser) and second, how are you going to be class mom if you couldn't even RSVP to the first party of the year? Hmmm?

Yeah, that's what I thought. I'm not impressed.

You're all really going to love this but I volunteered to be Library Mom. Mwuahahahaha...our county's library system will never be rid of me. Bastards. Right after I volunteered another mom said that she wanted to be library mom and that the day available was the only day she could volunteer. The teacher said she could still volunteer, but she'd more likely be cutting/pasting, assembling projects at that time since we had a Library Mom volunteer already and then the other mom asked why I couldn't be the one who had to do that....because I asked first, lady. Duh. She was also a non-RSVPer, just so you know the sort of people I'm dealing with.

All in all, the whole thing was boring and awkward, but I knew you'd all be curious as to who was competing against me for Coolest Mom of the Year.

Did you bring Zoo Pals plates for snack day?? Yeah, that's what I thought. Bitch.

edited to add the link so you guys can be kick ass moms too. Let's hope Klass Mom isn't reading, we can't let her know my secret.

edited again to add that if Hefty would like to send me some free Zoo Pals plates, that would be pretty kick ass too. Big Kid is available for a spokesperson role. Get a hold of my people.

15 comments:

Melodie said...

I've always loved being the coolest mom. When my older girls were little, some of their little friends would even tell me that they wished I was their mom or that their mom was just like me. Now that they're in middle school (yikes!) their friends still think I'm cool and request that I chaperone their field trips. I just hope I can still be this cool when Katie starts school!

jen.at.work said...

here's your million dollar idea...you can thank me later when we are on the cruise.

Ashley's Quite Frank Guide to Being the Coolest Mom Evah!

you are welcome.

Ashley said...

That's actually a kick ass idea Jen. It sounds like a lot less work than my other book ideas too....

You may have just earned a seat at the Captain's table, my friend.

Mitch said...

OK, fill me in please on what the hell Zoo Pals plates are? I need to be prepared when Ray starts kindergarten (in two years, though, will zoo pals be uncool by then?)

Just sign me..."Not cool because I don't know what zoo pals are."

Ashley said...

STFU Mitch!! You are unaware of the plates shaped like animal plates? Zoo, zoo, zoopals, zoo, zoo, zoopals, zoo, zoo, zoopals. Zoopals are such fun!

Big Kid would direct you to Zoopals.com straightaway (he's probably their only site visitor ever...who searches for paper plates on the internet?).

The kids cheered him and yelled "Thank you, thank you" for bringing in Zoo pals plates. Being the classroom hero for $3? Priceless.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

By the time your kids are in 8th grade you will be ducking out lol. It gets old quick

Marie said...

"Those Mothers" you are referring too are in every school NATION WIDE. I call them the snooty moms. Or the bitchy moms. Whatever sounds good at the time.

I am the mom that gives cheetoes and real punch..not the sugar free stuff.

Other moms do the ants on a log(celery, peanut butter, and raisins) and I do home made brownies.

Lindsey said...

"Did you bring Zoo Pals plates for snack day?? Yeah, that's what I thought. Bitch."

That's Awesome LMAO

Monica said...

Zoo Pals!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FncC-sn_VFk

Joy said...

I was SOOO the cool mom last year in my son's class, the kids loved me. I sent the best snacks (can anyone say xmas tree cakes), I made the parties fun, I went to freaking Chunky cheese for god's sake. I totally Rocked the xmas gift for the teacher and her T.A. I was a total suck up but in a fun all the kids and teacher love me sort of way.

I am on my way this year also:) I went and worked gift shop the other day and signed up to plan the xmas party-WTF was I thinking when I did this? And there is like 8 kids from his kinder class in his class this year so they are already on my side!

angie said...

Kat sent me. Who wants to be class mom anyway, right? :) Coolest mom is WAY better.

Caffeine Court said...

Dude, I ALWAYS bring the Zoo Pals plates.

There's alot of competition around here for coolest mom. As long as I know I'm the coolest that's all that matters.

jenn said...

My kids' friends are always jaw-drop amazed when I send in goodies to school for no particular reason. There's nothing like showing up with a huge basket of freshly baked cookies "just because." The teachers like it, too! :)

Kick her ass, Ashley - it shouldn't be too difficult for you.

Sasha said...

I will never ever be the Kool Klass Mom.

I will always be the Slacker Mom who forgets snack day and dashes to the store on the way and picks up some unhealthy snack sans zoo pals plates.

But I'm OK with that. I've made peace with it.

What I will be is the mom who introduces her kids to the really good music- Zep, Cream, Eagles and teaches them about not being a follower- not worring about what others think and doing your own thing.

(But if I also had time to be Kool Klass Mom, I might give that a shot too.)

4 kids, a dog and a husband said...

What is sad/ funny is that we are laughing about this, but for some...it is the end of the world.
They MUST be the room mom, they MUST be the coolest mom.

Yep, the it gets fierce out there.