Monday, January 19, 2009

Cancer Sucks

I try for the most part to keep The Closet light-hearted for us all, but with it also being my diary and my best form of therapy, that's not always possible.

I found out yesterday that Catfish's dad lost his battle with cancer.

And I'm mad. Of course I'm sad, that's a given, but cancer sucks and it is just flat out unfair.

Catfish's dad was the healthiest guy I knew. He was a former bodybuilder, owned a gym, ate all of the right foods and exercised. He didn't have any chronic bad habits. He lived life to the fullest; he adored his family, ran a successful business, was a talented musician and had a flock of friends that would do anything for him (and vice versa). He was involved with and well known in his community. He was an all around nice guy that everybody liked, and the world would be a better place if there were more people like him.

Which just makes it all the more tragic that he is gone. I'm relieved that he no longer has to deal with the pain or fight the battle, but I'm mad that Catfish and her family are left hurting. I wish I could rip this whole chapter out of their lives and rewrite it. I wish I could go over there, gather up their hurt and take it home with me for a day or two, giving them a moment of peace and rest before life starts up again. I wish I could do something.

Big Kid says he doesn't like God because he made dinosaurs go extinct, took Heidi Louise and killed off George Washington, and I can suddenly empathize with that anger. With all of the bad fathers out there, all of the non-productive members of society, all of the people living miserable, friendless lives, all of the people not taking care of themselves or hurting others....it just doesn't seem fair. I know it's not our job to question and I do believe everything happens for a reason that we won't always understand, but that doesn't make it any easier.

He was a great guy. The number of lives he has touched with his is an inspiration. His passion for life and family, music, football, boating, motorcycles and friendship was admirable and it is comforting to know he lived such a fulfilling life and brought joy to so many people. To say he will be missed just doesn't say enough.

Yesterday's phone call was probably the hardest of my life so far. What can you possibly say to someone you love so much that just had such a monumental loss? To realize that someone you know so well just went through an event that will change them as a person and being unable to offer anything other than shared tears and words that just can't help. Ugh. It breaks my heart. It makes me mad.

So, if you're the type to send prayers or good thoughts, send some peace to Catfish and her family.

If you've had an unfair loss of your own, know that I feel for you and agree that it really sucks that life is not fair.

24 comments:

brown eyed girl said...

I am so sorry. Cancer sucks and has taken a few people from my life. I'll keep all of you guys in my thoughts.
xo

Ronald10021 said...

Cancer completely sucks. I can't even begin to describe how much it sucks.

cw2smom said...

Oh I am terribly sorry for Catfish's loss..and for you and others who loved this man who sounds like he was such a blessing to the world! How sad. One of my friends, who is fighting breast cancer, lost her 39 yr old hubs the other night. He had a seizure in the middle of the night and died..autopsy results pending. They were together 12 years and she's got a young son with him. Can you imagine how that boy must be feeling, losing his dad suddenly and knowing his mom is fighting for her life thru this second round of chemo. Dear God. It's hard to keep the faith, isn't it. Prayers for Catfish and my friend Kirsten! Thanks for this beautiful entry! Blessings, Lisa

Jeri is said...

Ashley, you're right. It's not fair and it does suck and what's worse there is no magic pill that would make it go away. If there was, I'd be taking also, trying to cope with the recent loss of my Mom from cancer, too.

Lynda Kay said...

Catfish-you're in my thoughts & I am so so sorry! Also, I don't know your other commenters but I just want to say my heart goes out to Jeri for her loss & Kirsten for everything she's going through, too. Can you imagine trying to cope with such a monumental loss while you try to help your young child sort thru their grief WHILE you battle cancer??? Talk about unfair..

Mom said...

Catfish, I feel your pain and I share your agony, your Dad was one of a kind. He was the best and oh how he loved you-you brought him such great joy. Rest assured that he will always be with you. Here is something from G.W. Scott that I hang over my desk and it has brought me immense comfort when my Mom died. I will also mail you a copy:

"I am With You"

I am with you in the morning, as you rise to face the day,
I am in the morning sunshine, as the couds dissolve away;
I am in the soft breezes, that gently blow by choice,
And if you listen closely, you can almost hear my voice;
I'm the small bird in the dogwood tree, that watches your every move,
I'll sing a sweet song to you, and hope that you approve;
Yes, I'm there watching, as you go about your day,
because I know I'm in your heart and forever there will stay;

I am still with you in the evening, as the evening shadows fall;
As the crickets start their nightime chorus, I'm there to sing their call;
Don't cry because you can't see me, for I can still see you, I'm in your thoughts and dreams, and that for now will do.
I am in the mist that chases, the moon across the dark sky,I know you cannot see me, but believe me, I can fly;
So be glad that you can't see me, because you know that I'm still there;
We can walk in the quiet evening, your hopes and dreams we'll share,
Yes I am with you always, until your life is through, Then you'll truly know of my joy and peace, because I'm a part of you.

I am so sorry for your loss!
Sue

Mary Beth said...

Oh, I am so sorry. You, Catfish, and her family will be in my prayers. Yes, cancer does suck. I have lost too many friends and family to it.

Shannie said...

Catfish, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I'll be thinking of you and your family (including Ashley) and sending lots of hugs and healing vibes your way.

It's Always Something Around Here said...

I am so sorry to hear about Catfish!!

Yes, CANCER SUCKS...my daughter(10) has a great friend who has cancer and not much time left. It is just unimagineable!

Melanie said...

I lost my own precious mother a year ago from the crap-hole that is cancer and my life will never be the same. Having gone through this, friends, remember that there really is nothing you can say or do to ease any pain. The best you can do is be a friend, be there for anything, offer to take any load off of the shoulders of those who are hurting. No matter how small, everything helps when someone loses a parent.

mommy dearest said...

I'm so sorry Catfish. You and your family are in my thoughts.

so tired said...

Feeling the pain....

A good friend of a good friend just died a week after finding out she had cancer.... She was 29 with a five month old baby boy....

Talk about wrong!

jenn said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. Give Catfish an extra hug from me.

Jennifer said...

Appropriate title. I say this all the time. I lost my dad to cancer in 2002. It is still no easier. As a matter of fact I blogged about this very thing a few days ago. I was amazed at how many people emailed me that they felt the same way. Sometimes you feel so alone in your grief. Like you are the only one living in the pain. And that makes it a little harder to step outside of it and accept the help and condolences are other. It is something that you kind of need to hold close to your heart for a little while. It is like the last thing you have left of that person and you don't want to let it go.

All you can do is be there. Hold her hand. Give her a hug. Cry with her. Just be.

But never, ever say that it gets better or easier or anything like that. Because that is a lie. It doesn't. You get used to it. But it never, ever goes away.

Joy said...

I am sorry for her loss, it is hard to know what to say. How do you make it better for someone who has just had such a tragic event happen to them?

Cancer does suck big time! my neighbor is fighting and trying to win her battle against Breast Cancer-she has lost both boobs and is just now growing her hair back from her terrible round of Chemo.

Tammy said...

I'm so sorry that the world has lost another wonderful person to a truly horrible and unfair disease. Cancer has taken away someone I loved dearly, it is a loss that I feel daily.

Please know that Catfish will be in my prayers today and for years to come-the loss of a parent is a pain you feel for years. I will also be praying for you as you deal with the loss of what sounds like a truly wonderful person.

Kylee said...

Cancer sucks plain and simple. I will pray for Catfish and family.

ErIn said...

Catfish and family, I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I knew what to say to make it all feel better but, being there myself after just losing my dh a month ago, I know nothing I can say will make this pain go away. You all are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. ((HUGS))

Renee said...

I'm so sorry for this loss. This is a touching tribute to Catfish's dad, Ashley. He sounds like an amazing person. CANCER SUCKS.

-The Renee

Jules said...

I am so sorry to Catfish and her family, to you and everyone who is mourning his passing. What you wrote here Ashley, actually explains exactly why these people are taken from us. It's people like him who make us want to get up and try again. His spirit will live on through all of you...
Wishing you all peace and again, I am so sorry...

Melodie said...

I'm so sorry, Catfish! I'm praying for you and your family. NO need to pray for your Dad, as I'm sure he's already with God.

The Queen said...

I'm so sorry for your Catfish.

These are the times I question why a murder is sitting in prison for a life sentence just waiting to die, and here we have Catfish's Dad, a strong, healthy, happy man who is force to leave the family unit.

I'm so sorry, Catfish. I really am.

Mary said...

Those shared tears, hugs and words you think will not help - they all help more than you may think.

musing said...

My heart hurts for Catfish and her family.

My kids lost their father last September to lung cancer, and I lost the man I'd been married to for over twenty years. Even though we were divorced at the time, he was still the love of my life.

I hate cancer with all my being.