I try for the most part to keep The Closet light-hearted for us all, but with it also being my diary and my best form of therapy, that's not always possible.
I found out yesterday that Catfish's dad lost his battle with cancer.
And I'm mad. Of course I'm sad, that's a given, but cancer sucks and it is just flat out unfair.
Catfish's dad was the healthiest guy I knew. He was a former bodybuilder, owned a gym, ate all of the right foods and exercised. He didn't have any chronic bad habits. He lived life to the fullest; he adored his family, ran a successful business, was a talented musician and had a flock of friends that would do anything for him (and vice versa). He was involved with and well known in his community. He was an all around nice guy that everybody liked, and the world would be a better place if there were more people like him.
Which just makes it all the more tragic that he is gone. I'm relieved that he no longer has to deal with the pain or fight the battle, but I'm mad that Catfish and her family are left hurting. I wish I could rip this whole chapter out of their lives and rewrite it. I wish I could go over there, gather up their hurt and take it home with me for a day or two, giving them a moment of peace and rest before life starts up again. I wish I could do something.
Big Kid says he doesn't like God because he made dinosaurs go extinct, took Heidi Louise and killed off George Washington, and I can suddenly empathize with that anger. With all of the bad fathers out there, all of the non-productive members of society, all of the people living miserable, friendless lives, all of the people not taking care of themselves or hurting others....it just doesn't seem fair. I know it's not our job to question and I do believe everything happens for a reason that we won't always understand, but that doesn't make it any easier.
He was a great guy. The number of lives he has touched with his is an inspiration. His passion for life and family, music, football, boating, motorcycles and friendship was admirable and it is comforting to know he lived such a fulfilling life and brought joy to so many people. To say he will be missed just doesn't say enough.
Yesterday's phone call was probably the hardest of my life so far. What can you possibly say to someone you love so much that just had such a monumental loss? To realize that someone you know so well just went through an event that will change them as a person and being unable to offer anything other than shared tears and words that just can't help. Ugh. It breaks my heart. It makes me mad.
So, if you're the type to send prayers or good thoughts, send some peace to Catfish and her family.
If you've had an unfair loss of your own, know that I feel for you and agree that it really sucks that life is not fair.