Monday, January 12, 2009

Dear Anonymouses,

While we wait for the waaaaaaahmbulance to come round you whiners up, let's go back over our purpose here in the Closet.

First, I think it's important to remember that the Closet is NOT a democracy. Is not, has never been and will never be. It is 100% an Ashleyocracy around here--it is the only place in the world that I can maintain total Ashleyocracy and if I need your input, I'll be sure to ask. So far, we've done pretty well without your input, thankfully.

Secondly, this has been going on for almost two years now. Almost every day. When you follow someone's life, general hilarity may not be available three times a day for years in a row. Frankly, it's amazing I've managed to keep up with it as well as I have. 952 posts last year. That's pretty extraordinary for an unpaid anything and it just can't all be funny, that's a fact of life and life is what this blog is based upon.

Third, damn right I'm going to take free food and clothes. I've made less than $10 a month over the course of our lives in The Closet and worked far harder than that.

Now, if you want to go start a blog and share every detail of your life for years for nothing other than the LOLZ and comments from anonymous losers who will whine about every fucking thing they can think of, and then refuse any perk or payment for the sanctity of your humor and the entertainment of your oh-so-grateful readers---feel free. In fact, take all of the other anonymouses with you. I'm sure it will be a laugh a minute and you'll earn the Dooce-like super stardom that my boring ass can only dream of.

If worse came to worst and every single one of you left because you would rather read nothing at all than a 100 word post about free pasta...I'd still be here doing exactly what I do. Because it's my online diary, not my duty as a human being to entertain you with every single key stroke.

Also, I know 99% of you are awesome and you make it all fun, and the other 1% are just lonely, jealous and have an extraordinary amount of time on their hands, so I'm sorry the cool folks have to read even one word about the losers because that's way more boring than hearing about discount shopping, but sometimes we do need to remind people where the Closet door is because they start thinking that we are somehow forcing them to stay here and read every word when nothing is farther from the truth.

So Anonymouses of the Closet, we release you. Run free into the blogosphere, find hysterical blogs with dozens of entries a day and nary a commercial in sight. I'll be here thinking of you, eating my free pasta and wearing my free clothes and boring my readers with tales of such.

Sincerely,
Ashley

PS I'll announce the pasta winner by the end of the day, sorry if my weekend long headache inconvenienced anyone's dreams of frozen food.

29 comments:

Laura said...

Telling it like it is, I LOVE IT! I have been stalking your blog for a while, keep up the great work! :)

josie said...

always love reading your diary. i am not a blogger, but love reading them.

those who have issues, go read the nester blog. she never is un-pc =P

mrs said...

I appreciate the product reviews by you and others I read on a regular basis. I like your personality and honestly feel "if Ashley likes it, I probably will too". You doing reviews saves me some cash trying something I'm not sure about.

I still don't understand why people feel the need to criticize others for something they don't even have to look at.

I enjoy The Closet...whenever and whatever you choose to post. Thanks!

Carrie said...

I hope the annoying people leave you alone soon. I also enjoy your reviews, it's nice to know what other people think of things/places, as I don't always have the time or money to check out everything myself.

Hope you have a great Monday!

Kimberly said...

I was trying to come up with something funny to tell you to do with your blog, but I couldn't think of anything dominatrix and funny like that anonymous person.

Oh, wait... I'm tired of looking at the white background. You need to change it to a more relaxing color like light blue or something. Because frankly, white is just getting old. I'd think that after 9 cajillion posts you would have thought of that by now, geez! I think you are slipping.

:)

have a great day Ashley, love ya.

Anonymous said...

Another Anonymous response - oh no! Except this Anonymous person want to tell the other to just shut her pie hole. I love your blog and check it every day. If someone is going to have a fit over you receiving a $50 gift certificate (which comes out to probably less than one cent per hour you spent writing), good for you! Your writing - especially when you write about your kids - is great, and the fact that you get headaches and have a crummy day once in a while makes you - gee, a human being! Please keep doing what you have been doing!

Funny in my mind said...

I like the way you can be freakin hilarious one day and switch gears the next, it is the way i do my blog because that is my personality. I doubt anyone reads mine but i started it for myself and I make myself laugh too. If I happen to offend someone and they try to post a rude comment, I reject it, why should they win. If you have something to say, don't hide your name, that makes you a chickenshit. Keep going, you are doing what you love!

valerie said...

I love when you write about cool/not cool/new products. I know I don't really know you but because of this blog, I feel like I know you and value your opinion as I would any friend. Who cares if you got something for free? You have said it before, it doesn't matter who paid for the item, you will give your honest opinion, good or bad. That is what's so cool about you and your blog. You tell it like it is and that's great.

BTW, I just got the pancake puff because you blogged a out it a while ago. And it is just as cool as I thought it would be. I've never heard anything about it before or since you blogged about it. So, thanks for alerting me to such a cool thing.

Thanks for keeping it real. And, I hope those headaches get better.

Mrs. Newlywed said...

I think we're getting some of the same visitors. I seem to have a problem with the anonymous readers these days as well.

Lauren said...

I love you Ashley and will keep reading. And lucky you to get free stuff.

Maggie said...

Ashley,
I love your blog. Your product reviews are great and your boys are hilarious. Don't change a thing.

Preppy Pettit said...

Love your blog! Can't you just block anonymous?

Namine said...

You wrote this very well. Anonymouses are very frustrating.

I really enjoy reading your blog

elaines630 said...

Hahahaha what would the closet be without an anonymous hater?!?

I love you reviews. I know its not fake and just trying to say something nice about something you got for free. If you are reviewing it, you are honest and I totally respect that!

Tiffany said...

Love it! Love you're blog!!!! I personally love your reviews...how else is a girl gonna learn where to get good deals!

Ashley said...

Shannie, are you thinking it's the "I can prove you are lying about your clothes size because I keep archived photos of you from years back in my bookmarks" stalker-esque anonyhole? Because they do certainly have the same jealous, self important tone, don't they?

Sasha said...

I wouldn't mind having an anonymous hater. I've upped my Lexapro dose and am wondering if I am even capable of getting upset these days.

Back to the topic- I don't give a rat's ass if you got $50. In fact, I say- fabulous! I come right out and tell people my blog $$ will support my Sephora habit.

Smooches!

jennyandcompany said...

love ya. and i'm totally jealous that you got free clothes. i love free stuff. but i'm not funny or interesting.

wendybird said...

A. you deserve more (good) free stuff. Why does anonymous even care?
B. You're way better than dooce any day of the week. Talk about annoying whiners.

Shannie said...

Ashley, yep, that's the one! ;-)

Caren said...

Oh Puh-leeze...people are idiots Ashley and I know you already know that. Do I miss the fact that you don't blog quite as much as you used to? Sure, but heck, it's YOUR blog, you have a "real" job now and I'll just appreciate what I can get. As for your blog being a big ad, that's ridiculous.

Personally, I enjoyed your TJMaxx/Marshall's post a lot, honestly, I didn't even think of it as an "ad." I was just happy for you.

The thing is you should be happy about your anonyhole you know you've reached the top when you get anonymous a-hole comments so congrats to you Ashley! You're making it big. I'm still waiting for my anonymous comment...

Jennifer said...

Stupid anonymass. Ashley is my blog idol.

We in Minnesota said...

I suppose some people feel that they can say anything snarky on someone else's blog and they will be just fine. However, all that anonymous snarkiness will soon become a very violent boil on their anonymous butts.

You keep being you and blogging about you.

Mel said...

Ashley! I love your blog, came here from Monogram Momma a million years ago when she plugged you on her blog. And if you feel like "plugging" products on YOUR little corner of the internet, then why not? I can't believe Anonymous is so irritated by you not blogging about what she wants you to write about, that she actually complained about it.

At least when you talk about products you are sincere about it, and it comes across as WAY more believable than on other blogs where it comes off as insincere snobbery and a way of showing off how much money they have.

TJMAXX, Anonyomous, don't get your panties in a bunch. It's not like Ashley is buying $300 cashmere scarves and bragging about how her readers helped her get her hands on Jimmy Choos for free, and then bragging and showing off to everyone. (And even if Ashley was getting major swag, I bet she'd tell us about it in the humble funny way we've all come to know and love.)

Joy said...

I'll just be a hater because I am jealous that you got $50 to go shopping:)

Whatever on the anonymous she should put on her big girl panties and have the balls to show her face and tell you what she thinks you should write about.

This Mom said...

YOU GO GIRL!!!! Just ignore the negative.

Lipstick said...

Whoa! I am just behind, I guess. Totally lost. All I can say is...love your blog, great post, and I want fifty bucks too.

Paige said...

Tell it sister! Ignore the idiots, it will free up a lot of time

Allyson and Dave said...

I was beginning to wonder if anyone else got these anonymous mean comments. I always just delete them. I don't understand why anyone would want burst your happy blog bubble!!!