Big Kid is an emotional wreck. I'm ready to start slipping some Effexor into his juice each morning.
I love that he is so sensitive and intuitive but everything is so serious to him. He is also a complete and total Control Freak and he has such a hard time accepting it when things don't go his way. He just had an emotional breakdown because little kid was running around the house with a closed box of cereal. I told Big Kid that I just didn't really care that much and he cried, "Dat's da problem! I have to do everyfing with little kid! He is always naughty and you don't care."
Uh, no. He is always naughty and I have to choose my battles. Carrying around a closed box of cereal doesn't rate high enough on the Scale of Seriousness to initiate combat over.
Big Kid doesn't get that though. Poor Big Kid the martyr, having to sacrifice his childhood to make sure his little brother grows up to be halfway civilized. Geez.
You know, right after Big Kid was born, once all of the excitement was over and the night time nurse was giving him his first bath in our room, he started crying as she undressed him and she said, "Awwww, life's a bitch, isn't it?"
At the time, it seemed like such a wildly inappropriate thing to say to a newborn and I'm guessing she sensed the "laid back" (or drugged and exhausted) vibe from Mr. Ashley and I because it really seems like a bizarre thing to say to a brand new baby with its brand new parents in the room. She ended up being a total riot and one of the highlights of my hospital stay, but sometimes I wonder if that imprinted itself on Big Kid somehow.
Someone clued him in on life being a bitch first thing and he hasn't forgotten.
(I also secretly believe my reading Steinbeck's East of Eden out loud to him his first two weeks of life made him so smart. What a delightful, first time mom memory that is.)
He got to see his school friends yesterday and he was over the moon with happiness. Until it was over. Then he wept on and off for the rest of the day. He is completely heart sick over Ahsiya and they were like peanut butter and jelly yesterday. When it was time to go he hugged her tight, and as she turned around to talk to her sister, he grabbed her hand and squeezed it and said, "I promise I'll call you," in the sweetest, most sincere voice. The way he grabbed and held her hand, it was obvious he just wasn't done touching her.
He is disgusted over the thought of kissing or any talk of love, but he clearly loves her without even really understanding what's going on in his head and heart.
The other day out of nowhere, he asked, "Do you remember Vivian?"
Vivian? His girlfriend from pre-k who we haven't talked about in a year? "Of course."
"I dest miss her smile. She had a great smile," and he was all misty eyed at recalling it.
Man, oh man. He is so in for it.
No matter how life goes, it will be hard for Big Kid.