Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Make it Easy

Is it just me and everyone I know, or is life just super hard lately? I mean, I know it's always hard (relatively speaking), but is it just consistently sucking more and more or am I just becoming more aware of it?

I've actually been very proud about my ability to see the good in all the messed up crap that's been going on. Sure, the job I loved was cut in half but that made me finally grasp the reality of my finances and gave me more time to spend with my kids and get my act together. Sure, the loss in income led to the loss of the house we built but moving forced me to re-prioritize and find happiness in a new home (other than the poop throwing terrorist, I can't put a positive spin on that fucker yet). Sure, my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer but it led to him reclaiming his life and strengthening our family, and I have two best friends who truly empathize with what my family is going through (I wish I could have been as much of a source of strength and comfort to them as they are and will be to me).

Sure, my situation sucks but for being in such a sucky spot, I am really pretty fortunate. I have a nice home, a loving family, true friends, and the ability to make money doing what I love. In all honesty, if you had told me five years ago, in the height of my financial "success", that one day I would be close to broke, but making my living writing, doing photography, and hanging out at home with my kids...I would have laid my head down on my desk and cried with happiness and relief. In a really weird way, I am actually closer to true happiness now than I was when everything was going exactly the way I wanted.

But, GOD DAMN, enough with the tragedy lately. When I really stop to think about everything going on with everyone around me and the helplessness of life, it's just overwhelming. I don't have even a casual acquaintance who isn't dealing with some sort of personal tragedy or nerve wracking stress right now.

You know all those people who say their 30s were the happiest times of their lives??

Catfish and I have come to the conclusion that those people must have had some really sucky-ass 20s. I'll take recreational drugs and a little black dress in a VIP room on South Beach any day of the fucking week over this crap. This being a "real" grown up nonsense is for the birds.

Sometimes I fear that it only gets worse from here, too. Sure, we gain the wisdom to recognize the happy in the little things but mostly because we finally realize how badly the big picture sucks and that it has the potential to suck even more at any given moment.

Depressing post, I know. It's rainy out and little kid locked himself in the bathroom with a can of chocolate frosting early this morning (I really can't say that I even blame him, I wish I could.) Luckily, my happy pills have been working and most of the time I'm doing really well, but today I just feel compelled to announce that life is hard and I know it's really hard for some of you right now too, and I'm sorry about that.

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

life sucks. i understand and agree.

Ashley said...

It is just all around sucky.

For everyone.

Anonymous said...

My life has cycled through shitty and good times on a regular basis. I've finally come to realize after every low there will be a high. It gets better.

Jennifer said...

I'm with you. Sometimes the suck just outweighs the good, but then it reverses and hopefully we can realize how good it is.

And Little Kid rocks, chocolate icing locked in the bathroom is the best.

Jess said...

Little kid seems very wise right now.

One of my favorite quotes:
"Life is just like an old time rail journey ... delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."
-Gordon Hinckley

Karen said...

You certainly are shouldering more than your share of burdens. Life is like that sometimes, and it can indeed be overwhelming. I find that when it all just gets too much, I put myself out there to do something good for someone. Help out a friend, reach out to someone, be a good person for someone who needs a little help. I also try to spend time with really good/cool kind people, people who do good deeds and ask for nothing in return. If you stop for just a moment and look around, there are people full of grace all around, and they are worth celebrating. They can help balance out the ick in the world.

Lin said...

It's nice to see that you're looking at the positive. It only gets harder if we dwell on the negatives in life. And, I understand what you're going through. My hubby was laid off 7 months ago & has been unable to find another job as of yet which leaves me to be the sole provider. Sucks *shrugs*. But, it did get him to go back to school so that's a definite positive.

Kara said...

I can completely relate. I am having a tough time with my 30s too.
I need some happy pills... I've just been too stubborn to go get them.
My 20s saw many more difficult situations, but it's more of an internal struggle now.

Lorena said...

I've just barely entered my 40's. They started off good but have kind of petered out lately.

I'm tired of life sucking.

Amo said...

My great grandmother used to say, "When God closes a door he opens a window...but it's hell in the hallway."

KLS said...

I'm right there with you. I'm ready for June to be over... it sucks!

Monica said...

I agree with you on the suckiness. So far the dirty-30's have totally sucked, and I am not even a whole year into it.

Ashley! You totally need to write a book. About everything going on in your life. A memoir of sorts. Kind of a grown-up version of "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day", or year or whatevs. Just about all the crap going on, how the housing market effected you and your family, sprinkled with the HEE-larious antics of Big and Little kids. Think "Bitter is the New Black" with BK and LK.

You have your archives from your blog, so I imagine that would make it very easy to go back and make an outline and figure out what you want to put in it.

I don't know why, but I have been thinking about you/this for awhile, and finally got some time to write you. I hope this is not too creepy/stalker-ish!

Elaine's Semi-Homemade Life said...

I'm with ya, sister. Couldn't have said it better myself. I've started a similar rant 100 times and have them sitting as drafts... Seriously, enough with it.
Hang in there...

Jules said...

We all have bad days from time to time and I think for most of us our blogs are our therapy.

If it makes you feel any better my life is fucking awesome right now and it only looks to get better (Knock on wood). I guess I feel that way because it sucked for many years.

Hang in there, things will get better.

Melodie said...

Life is pretty sucky for me, lately, too. I have my "lovely" ex-husband to thank for pretty much all of it - not paying his child support for a year now and then taking me to court so I have to pay for an attorney that I can't afford. Of course, I guess a little of that is my fault, too, since I wasn't in my right mind enough to figure out what a loser he was before I married him. I just got another HUGE bill from my attorney in the mail today, and I am at a complete loss for what I am going to be able to do next.

I'm sorry to be even more of a downer here. I hope things start to look up for you very soon.

Death to the poop-bomber!

Anonymous said...

Yes, most all my friends are dealing with serious struggles right now- cancer, job loss, death, can't pay bills, medical insurance problems, problems with children, etc. It does seem like a rough time for many and it feels like lots of people are taking notice. I don't know what it means, but am thanking God for the blessings He gives me big and small and trying to roll with the punches. Looking forward to happier days for all.

Anonymous said...

I hear you-we are in a very similar situation-losing a house we love, parent at the end stage of terminal cancer, and more frustrated than happy with a job that started out as a dream job. But my kids are healthy, and we are making it. Life will get better-it has to.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I know I'm fortunate, should not complain, yada yada. But this year seems to be the year of suck so far.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting this. And thank you to the commenters too. It helps to know we are all in this together (que the High School Musical crowd)

Susan
in Texas where it is freakin hot

Misty said...

I am so with you on sucky!! lol

Life, Love And Lola said...

I couldn't agree with you more!!!! HUGS!

Migraine Mom said...

I could not agree more....I've been trying to figure out why I have been feeling anxious and depressed lately when I have so much to be thankful for and than I remember...oh yeah...the economy sucks, my children's school closed down, I had to find a new job and my mom is battling breast cancer...that's why I'm feeling down. I'm really ready for things to start looking up...

~Gretchen~ said...

You're not alone. My life plain fucking sucks right now.

AFRo said...

A - fucking - men. Well said. As usual.

AnastasiaBeaverhousen said...

Just caught up on the blog - you have had some real lemons dealt to you recently and no one would be shocked if you didn't make lemonade, thats for sure.

I turned 40 last year (ok, I'll be 41 in August but whos counting) and as I looked back on my 30's - I realized how wonderful they were. Not just because I had my kids and in spite of me losing my sister to suicide while pregnant with my son. In the big picture, the 30's isn't about the fun/fabulous/wild times but more about the person I became, the self confidence and wisdom I gained and the sense of being an adult - and a damn fine, funny, witty, compassionate and caring adult I grew into.

The 30's were awesome in that we are old enough to have some life experiences and maturity under our belts, but the youthfulness and energy to still be cool. Now the 40's.....all I can say is the day after I turned 40 it seemed like the wheels fell off the bus. But thats a story for another day.

Hang in there. It sucks now but I promise the whole decade won't suck :)