Is it just me and everyone I know, or is life just super hard lately? I mean, I know it's always hard (relatively speaking), but is it just consistently sucking more and more or am I just becoming more aware of it?
I've actually been very proud about my ability to see the good in all the messed up crap that's been going on. Sure, the job I loved was cut in half but that made me finally grasp the reality of my finances and gave me more time to spend with my kids and get my act together. Sure, the loss in income led to the loss of the house we built but moving forced me to re-prioritize and find happiness in a new home (other than the poop throwing terrorist, I can't put a positive spin on that fucker yet). Sure, my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer but it led to him reclaiming his life and strengthening our family, and I have two best friends who truly empathize with what my family is going through (I wish I could have been as much of a source of strength and comfort to them as they are and will be to me).
Sure, my situation sucks but for being in such a sucky spot, I am really pretty fortunate. I have a nice home, a loving family, true friends, and the ability to make money doing what I love. In all honesty, if you had told me five years ago, in the height of my financial "success", that one day I would be close to broke, but making my living writing, doing photography, and hanging out at home with my kids...I would have laid my head down on my desk and cried with happiness and relief. In a really weird way, I am actually closer to true happiness now than I was when everything was going exactly the way I wanted.
But, GOD DAMN, enough with the tragedy lately. When I really stop to think about everything going on with everyone around me and the helplessness of life, it's just overwhelming. I don't have even a casual acquaintance who isn't dealing with some sort of personal tragedy or nerve wracking stress right now.
You know all those people who say their 30s were the happiest times of their lives??
Catfish and I have come to the conclusion that those people must have had some really sucky-ass 20s. I'll take recreational drugs and a little black dress in a VIP room on South Beach any day of the fucking week over this crap. This being a "real" grown up nonsense is for the birds.
Sometimes I fear that it only gets worse from here, too. Sure, we gain the wisdom to recognize the happy in the little things but mostly because we finally realize how badly the big picture sucks and that it has the potential to suck even more at any given moment.
Depressing post, I know. It's rainy out and little kid locked himself in the bathroom with a can of chocolate frosting early this morning (I really can't say that I even blame him, I wish I could.) Luckily, my happy pills have been working and most of the time I'm doing really well, but today I just feel compelled to announce that life is hard and I know it's really hard for some of you right now too, and I'm sorry about that.