Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Terrorist Negotiations

Mr. Ashley is over there negotiating with the poop-throwing terrorists.

I wrote my landlord an email today asking if the back neighbors seemed like the type to throw bags of crap into someone's yard and she responded that as a matter of fact, the back neighbors called her today to tell her our dog was pooping in her yard and barking so much her neighbor was complaining too.

First off--why not call the landlord the first time you find poop? If for some reason a note in the mailbox or knock on the door was beyond your abilities? This isn't the proper way to let someone know there's a problem.

Second--her fat Cocker Spaniel barks at our dogs. I always have to rush out there when she lets her dog out because I can hear it barking and I know mine will start up soon. Mine do bark in retaliation, and Murphy has barked at her before. But the point is, her dog is barking too. If her neighbor is complaining, her dog is part of the problem. Sorry there didn't used to be dogs here and now there are dogs here, the consequence of that is that when they see each other once every few days, they may attempt communication.

Okay, now Mr. Ashley is back and says that the lady seemed extremely nice and that she says she didn't throw the poop in our yard but she knows who did because it happened to her seven years ago when she first moved here, and she'll tell them to knock it off. She also can't reveal who it is so that Mr. Ashley can speak to them personally.

Hmmm...so I find a poop bomb the same day you call my landlord to say that you suspect my dog has pooped in your yard, and you are unrelated to the mysterious neighborhood poop bomb terrorist but do have the ability to send him a message from us? Yeah. Okay.

Mr. Ashley says things seem resolved, but I'll still be plotting subtle methods of revenge. Nothing soon, but one day.


Stereos and Souffles said...

She's got the balls to throw shit, but not to own up to it. Or she's "protecting" the person that did. She needs to grow the F up.

Marla said...

sorry but this shit (pun intended) is funny... especially the happened 7 years ago part and she can get them a note... like the poop mafia... be careful!

Irish said...

Girl, I'd be up in the wee hours of the morning or late at night just waiting for that shit to be flung.

Then I'd counter attack w/ some horse shit. (I'm not sure how I'd get my hands on it, but I'd get it!)

Shannon said...

She obviousley has no balls, so of course she's going to deny it and come off pleasant.
You're in photography...can't you get your hands on a video camera and set up a cou (sp? I know what I mean but I can't spell it!)

Jaime said...

Calling a landlord about dog poop?? Really?

Some people need to get a life. There are much bigger things in life to worry about than a tiny pile of dog shit!

M said...

Oh I'm so sorry, but THAT is frickin hilarious!

She can't tell you who threw it, but she'll give said poop thrower the message.

How 6th grade is that?? It's awesome!

Anonymous said...

do not believe for one SECOND it is over. eyes open: she lied. just b/c she was "nice" while lying does not mean it is over. oooh it is SO not over. i know that type. they cause problems and then are too cowardly to even address the issue from a genuine truthful place. what that means is, it is not over. do not be fooled.

ps: i thought your cat turd in the pool idea was stellar.

Julie H said...

Ah the fun part of renting. People calling the landlord to "complain". We had that whole problem with our last rental we had. Guy was an asshole to boot.

I take it there are no fences there? We have a big dog pen and it's been the best thing EVER. You should look into getting one then you don't have to worry about your dog going over there and crapping in her yard.

Unknown said...

Luckily, my landlord thought it was funny, and the poop bombs seriously weakened the credibility of the neighbor's complaint.

I deal with the landlord wife and we are living parallel lives. We both have boys the same age, they are scrambling to short sell their home to move up North, we both regret buying investment properties, we have similar relationships with our parents and inlaws, and she's relieved that I want to stay here for a long time. We both want us to stay for at least 3 years.

She also reads the writing I do for work and enjoys it and getting to know us that way. So, her and I really like each other and she's pretty easy going in general.

Shannon, I have seriously considered surveillance, but I'm hoping she can just call the poop bomb mafia off and we can find other passive aggressive ways to torture each other.

Anonymous said...

That's just really fucking ridiculous. You need to give her a human-poop bomb if that shit don't quit.

And the complaint about the dogs barking? Go over one day and ask her to sign a petition you'll give to the land lord to get all the birds in the neighborhood regularly shot out of the trees because the sounds they make are really infuriating you, and you just don't give a crap that they're animals and that's what they NATURALLY DO. Maybe she'll pick up on the "wow, that's insane" factor and apply it to her own life.

Life, Love And Lola said...

Like you would really believe that she ISN'T The Poop Bomb Terrorist?

Skitzo Leezra said...

Gosh, I hate to say this . . . but MOST bitchy-ass women will back waaaaaay down when confronted by a man but if YOU had gone over, it would escalate. She's all passive- aggressive to faceless folks but nice to your husband? She's a liar as well.

my3grcs said...

If it doesn't stop try poopsenders.com. They are kind of pricey, but it's well worth it! Trust me!!

Missives From Suburbia said...

I'm happy to mail you some real dog poop you can use in retaliation. (Not that your dog's poop isn't legitimate poop, but the quantity and size simply isn't enough to be considered retaliatory. My Malamute has revenge down to an art form.)

Maddness of Me said...

I had a similar situation except the poop wasn't pachsged up into bombs. I called the police and they are very helpful because they don't want people interacting in anger. In fact they specifically told me not to confront or retaliate, then I would be in trouble

Of course the police could be different in your area. It's worth an embarrassing try though.