Saturday, August 11, 2007

Dat Was Rude

I know, I know I've been letting you all down these last few days. I've been up to my elbows in papier mache and doing other equally crazy crap for this damn party (which I promise I WILL update you on one day).

I thought it would be fun for the Big Kid and I to papier mache together, so I laid everything out and got him all excited about doing a craft and then I showed him how we do it:

Big Kid: Wike dat?
Ashley: Yep, just like this. Put the newspaper in this stuff and then slap it onto the balloon.
Big Kid: But dat is a weally, weally big mess.
Ashley: You can wash your hands.
Big Kid: I don't know. I don't tink dat is a weally gweat idea.
Ashley: Sure it is, it's fun. Who cares if you get dirty?
Ashley: Why? What happened?
Big Kid: You got dat dirty stuff on my shorts. It is all over me now.
Ashley: It was one drop.
Big Kid: Dat was rude. You are rude, mudder.
Ashley: I am not rude, Big Kid. It was an accident. I am trying to do something fun with you. FOR YOU.
Big Kid: Now I am going to have to wash these shorts. Did you hear me? I'm going to have to put dem in da dirty clothes.
Ashley: Fine.
Big Kid: And I'm going to have to wash my hands.
Ashley: It didn't touch your hands.
Big Kid: I'm going to wash them anyway. (washes hands, walks into Mr. Ashley's office)
Big Kid: Uh, daddy, do you know what mommy is doing?
Mr. Ashley: Crafts for your party?
Big Kid: She is making a weally big mess. Weally, weally big.
Mr. Ashley: Hmmm
Big Kid: You should see it. In the kitchen. It is so messy, all dis stuff all over da place and she messeded up my davorite shorts.
Mr. Ashley: I'm sure she didn't mean to.
Big Kid: I tink she did mean to. (back in kitchen) You are still doing dese crafts?
Ashley: Yes, Big Kid, all by myself because you won't help me.
Big Kid: You should not do that. You should not touch that stuff, you should not make crafts wike dat.
Ashley: Okay, Niles Crane. Go wash your hands again, for like the 400th time today. Weirdo.

So I have been doing all of this cool stuff for his party and he's just pissed I've messed up the kitchen. This is why we call him Rainman. We call it "quirky" but I'm thinking it may be flat out "Crazy" with a dose of OCD on the side.


Carie said...

Oh this was too funny! The Niles Crane comment had me rolling! Seriously, what did you do to him to mess him up so bad?

Unknown said...

I think you're one lucky Mother to have a kid so neat...
A conversation in my house would be the exact opposite with me and my bigger kid, she's a huge slob..

And don't worry- whatever is wrong with him, they have a drug for.

Fluffy Windover said...

Wow, it would be cool to have a kid who shames you into cleaning the house! You should lend him out on weekends... ;)

Deb said...

I fear my kid is on that path. He wouldn't even eat his birthday cake with his hands. I had to feed him with a fork. Thanks for the glimpse into my future. I will be flinging papier mache at my child as he runs to the bathroom, screaming.