Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Get Your Ass Home

So I'm home alone with the kids at dinnertime. This is a big no, no since I am totally tired of being a mom by 6:00pm or so, when they turn into total monsters. I thought I would keep the Big Kid busy by having him use a cookie cutter to make cucumbers into a star shape:

Big Kid: Dere we go, anutter perfect one. Why are we doing dis again?

Ashley: For fun.

Big Kid: Dor Dun? Dis is dun?

Ashley: Yes, isn't it fun?

Big Kid: No. No, dis is not dun. We do not need to do this. We can just eat da cucumbers in circles.

Ashley: I thought you would like this.

Big Kid: No, I don't. I'm going to go play video games.

(I start singing Shameless by Garth Brooks at the top of my lungs)

Big Kid: (running out of his room) What is all dat noise? What is up with all da wacket awound here?


Big Kid: You stop dat. You stop dat now. Dat is bad, dat is not good at all.

Ashley: Hey, you don't tell me to stop singing. It makes me feel happy. I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT ME TO, I'LL DO ANYTHING

Big Kid: Dat should not make you happy. It does not make me happy Mudder. I'm going to tell you one more time, dor da wast time, no more of dat.

Ashley: AT ALL...

Big Kid: Mudder, you should eat sumtin. Or maybe play da harmonica. Do sumting with your mouth 'cept for dat.

Ashley: I'M OUT OF MY HEAD...

Big Kid: No, no, no, no, no. Mudder no. Mudder, why are you not listening? You are making da wittle kid cry.

Ashley: (singing, singing, singing for as long as I can to prove he can't make me stop, making up words just to finish the song. Big loud finale.)

Big Kid: Dank you.

Ashley: (annoyed silence)

Big Kid: Mudder, dank you for stopping. I told you to stop and you stopped da singing. You stopped making all dat noise. So dank you for being a good wistener and doing what da Big Kid tells you to do.


Big Kid: You're just a bad grul is what you are. You are on timeout from me. I'm gonna be in my woom and you do not come in dere because I do not want you being all loud. I'm going in dere for some quiet.

Oh darn.


Unknown said...

That's hilarious, Ashley! I love the play-by-play. (I love this age where they think they are punishing us by going to their room. Yes, go to your room, I am crushed. LMAO).

Anonymous said...

Ashley -
I don't know who's is funnier - you or big kid! How old is he? He cracks me up!!!

aka SuddenlyEyeSee :)

the rural rube said...

Hilarious. The big kid cracks me up!

Olivia: (mostly) Happy Homemaker said...

Granted I don't know what went on from 6am until 6pm, but I find myself siding with Big Kid.

Deb said...

Big Kid is my favorite Ashley next to you. Although I'm inclined to agree with him on the cucumber thing. It doesn't sound fun.

P in VT said...

Oh my god Ashley. This is hilarious.

Kate said...

Wonderful! Now I have Shameless stuck in my head (although I must confess to only knowing the Billy Joel version). Gotta love the BK - especially when he talks to you like he's the parent and your the child.


Lost in Tarnation said...

oh. my. lord... that's hysterical!!!

But don't you know that the Billy Joel version is better?????/?

I'm loving it!!!

Julie {Angry Julie Monday} said...

LMAO. Don't you just love "the witching hour" at 6pm with kids!