Lost the battle but won the war

Well the contest ended 10 minutes early (what a rip) and the girl in the bucket was in 1st by a hair when it did, so I'm pretty sure we didn't win the prize. The only thing I can call foul on is that it didn't end when it was supposed to, had it ended 2 minutes prior he would have won, so who knows what could have happened in the next 10 minutes. At least the winning photograph was a cute shot of a beautiful baby, so a sincere congratulations to that mom, and I know that the only reason I didn't win is because a bunch of pathetic women who are incredibly jealous of me spent days on end low voting because they are threatened by me and my adorable kid. It's really a compliment if you think about it.

So, I may not have won the prize (they contact the winner later in the week), but I did win the war. When I entered, of course it was for the prize, but when those stupid bitches started acting like a pack of assholes my main goal was to KICK THEIR ASSES. And kick their asses I did.

So I have composed a victory letter, because you know they're reading every freaking word I write and will continue to do so even though they hate my guts (it's called jealousy, bitches) and because I know you all love to hate them, so they deserve one more moment in the spotlight.

Dear Grow Some Balls, her Bible Thumping Friend & their Henchmen,

I never thought I'd say this, but I just wanted to send you "ladies" *snort* a letter of thanks. I may not have won the prize I originally wanted, but neither did you and in the end, that is all that really matters.

I just wanted to point out that you totally fucked your friend. She probably could have won it, but because of a little help from her "friends", she ended up in 10th place. I remember how you guys kept saying "Let the cutest baby" win...and that baby that won was pretty damn cute (the 2nd cutest to be exact, with the little kid being the King of Cute obviously). So by your own reasoning, would that make your friend's baby the 10th cutest?

Let's face it, everyone is so over the Photowow thing. Normal people who aren’t involved just aren’t willing to put out as much effort as us crazy moms are. However, normal people who aren’t involved LOVE drama and by creating so much of it and playing your villain roles so wonderfully, you generated tons of interest and made people want to rally together (past tense is rallied, btw, not rallyed, keep that in mind for future love letters) and help Me, Me, Me. The bargain board getting involved was a dream come true…those ladies rock.

When you puked on the little kid's birthday thread, issued the myspace bulletin and posted the ridiculous drivel that you did, you generated an amount of interest that I could have never imagined. You literally drove THOUSANDS of people to the very blog you called crappy. Because of your own stupidity, 4 different Babycenter boards had threads pages and pages long complimenting me, my blog, my child, my personality and talking about what crazy ass psychotic bitches you all are. I got more comments than ever.

You tried to attack my fans by saying they would kiss my feet and lick the ground I walk on...and many said damn right they would. If you thought I was a self centered piece of spooge before...or the actually funny: selfish attention loving weiner gobbler, you had better watch out now. You have blown my ego up like a hot air balloon because now I KNOW that I'm funny and you're a pack of idiots, just as I always suspected. To watch your stupid shit talking explode in your face was a joy to me that you'll never know. Really, you'll never know, because it will never happen to you.

Not to mention, the attention to my blog has put me in touch with 2 possible advertisers, so if I wanted, I could just buy the damn thing now. I think I'm going to go for a day at the spa instead, the little kid doesn't mind blank walls. Maybe I'll frame one of the "Selfish attention loving weiner gobbler cards" and put that in his room, he can't read yet but one day he'll appreciate that nugget of literary genius.

Last but not least, you all showed yourselves (to thousands of people) for who you truly are. I still giggle every single time I think about your friend Ranay posting that people like me are what is wrong with the world. It takes a real pack of retards to not realize that what is really wrong with the world is people like you, ready to fight dirty at the slightest provocation and so full of your own shit you can't even behave like normal human beings.

Oh and speaking of your Ranay (Whatever commenter from BBC asked if that was The Renee, hell mother fucking no that's not The Renee. I don't hang out with skanks), please tell her that the little kid's eyes aren't photoshopped but thank you for thinking so. Having a child so exceptionally beautiful that people think you must have digitally enhanced him is quite the compliment. And her leaving BTBBC in a dramatic little hissy fit was prize enough, really it was. Most of us were seriously sick of her and had a good laugh at her foot stomping exit.

And that email she sent to the leader of the group (Lindsay the freaky Republican) about how much everyone hated her and how the group would collapse when she left? LMFAO. That was pure comedy gold. Especially when the people quoted in the email came forth to show how the quotes were edited to look bad. My God, what a lame ass soul you are. Get a freaking hobby and stop being so jealous of everyone.

One last thing before I go, because frankly, your 15 minutes of fame is up. Bible Thumper, I got you a card:



*curtsy*

Thanks so much for the drama and the laughs, it's about all you're good for. Also, thanks for the virtual fame and fortune. I feel pretty lucky to have such great readers and friends.

Uup yours....truly,
Ashley

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Disclaimer: Names have been changed to protect the innocent....me.

Edited to add: I am in no way meaning to offend the mentally challenged when using the word retard. I no longer think retard is a socially acceptable word to use for people with actual medical conditions because of its negative connotation as a slang word. One of my bestfriend's twin has Down Syndrome and I adore her and would never call her retarded. Just wanted to clear that up in case it becomes an issue since it is a word I use frequently here.