Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Lost the battle but won the war

Well the contest ended 10 minutes early (what a rip) and the girl in the bucket was in 1st by a hair when it did, so I'm pretty sure we didn't win the prize. The only thing I can call foul on is that it didn't end when it was supposed to, had it ended 2 minutes prior he would have won, so who knows what could have happened in the next 10 minutes. At least the winning photograph was a cute shot of a beautiful baby, so a sincere congratulations to that mom, and I know that the only reason I didn't win is because a bunch of pathetic women spent days on end low voting my baby because they were mad I didn't want to get in line to cheat like the rest of them.  It's really a compliment if you think about it.

So I have composed a victory letter, because I know you all love to hate them, so they deserve one more moment in the spotlight.

Dear Grow Some Balls, her Bible Thumping Friend & their Henchmen,

I never thought I'd say this, but I just wanted to send you "ladies" a letter of thanks. I may not have won the prize I originally wanted, but neither did you and in the end, that is all that really matters.

I just wanted to point out that you totally fucked your friend. She probably could have won it, but because of a little help from her "friends", she ended up in 10th place. I remember how you guys kept saying "Let the cutest baby" win...and that baby that won was pretty damn cute. So by your own reasoning, would that make your friend's baby the 10th cutest?

Let's face it, everyone is so over the Photowow thing. Normal people who aren’t involved just aren’t willing to put out as much effort as us crazy moms are. However, normal people who aren’t involved LOVE drama and by creating so much of it and playing your villain roles so wonderfully, you generated tons of interest and made people want to rally together (past tense is rallied, btw, not rallyed, keep that in mind for future love letters) and help me.
 

 Maybe I'll frame one of the "Selfish attention loving weiner gobbler cards" and put that in his room instead, he can't read yet but one day he'll appreciate that nugget of literary genius.

One last thing before I go, because frankly, your 15 minutes of fame is up. Bible Thumper, I got you a card:



*curtsy*

Thanks so much for the drama and the laughs, it's about all you're good for. Also, thanks for the virtual fame and fortune. I feel pretty lucky to have such great readers and friends.

Uup yours....truly,
Ashley

39 comments:

Hope said...

Way to kick the mean girl's butts! Rock on!!

Watty said...

ROFLMAO! Love the speech, and the card!

Sorry you didn't win though :(

Maggie said...

Wonderful speech Ashley! Your blog cracks me up. Rock on Momma!

Hula D. said...

I'm sorry that the little man didn't win. I left BC over a year ago because of the same stuff going on in my birth board.

I do want to say that you have some talent!! You're posts cracked me up. I'm going to link to you tonight when I blog on my very own blog. Gosh, I hope that made some sense.

Anyway, there are many other parenting forums to go on that will accept lovely people like you, Ashley.

Congratulations on the non-win because in reality, you really did win!!!

Deb said...

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Whatever you do, don't scorn a funny woman with a blog and a following.

Jazz said...

Oh dear goodness...I think I just pissed my pants. Then I read your letter to my hubby and he did too!

You rock Ashley!! I love you!!

Suck it Shizzers!! Ha ha ha!

Dana said...

I'm the commenter who asked about Renee and THE Renee . . . I didn't think it could be possible (and if I'd payed attention, I would have seen a comment from TR somewhere above mine), so TR - I hope my question didn't offend you. I am sorry to mention your name with the skank's. :( Anywho - rock on, Ashley. I've greatly appreciated the laughs.

mlatulip said...

So I guess this means that you won't be joining "The Shiz" anytime soon?

I'm still holding out hope that you win. You never *really* know how many of those low votes they throw out. What I wouldn't give to find out how many votes were cast.

I, of course, love you.

Jennifer said...

I was just thinking this afternoon that pink shoes would have been up there with LK had those bitches not fucked it up for everybody, and instead she was in 10th place which she didn't deserve. Those photoshopped pics are cute but they don't belong in a photo contest. Bucket kid was cute but I really don't think that doctored photos should be allowed.

You did get a lot of recognition from this whole situation and I love your little thank you note to the retards!

Karma is a bitch, bitches!

Amy said...

OMFG!! You topped yourself with this one. ROFLMAO!! This is too much, I can't stop laughing. God bless those crazy bitches, they gave us some great entertainment and shot your blog straight to the top (where it belongs). Too, too funny. (Feels good to say all that, doesn't it? LOL)

Jodi said...

LMAO
Okay now, tell us what you REALLY think!
Good golly, Miss Molly - if there weren't a war before, I do declare there is one now. Go get 'em, sister. You know I love you!
Jodi

Jennifer said...

An instant classic! This saga must go in the book (you ARE going to turn these into a book one day right!!). (If so, don't forget to mention that the lovely Renee claims to clean her floors with dirty, stagnant mop water...and the Bible Thumper REALLY does think she is holier than thou--but she was just told off by a legit Bible thumper on BBC so there!) Hey, maybe they've crawled back in their little holes for good....AMF! Rock on Ashley!

Sasha said...

Is it all over? Because it was so much fun! I, of course, love to read your take on things- I'm a big fan and love your blog!

Autumn said...

Damn. I can't handle days like this. Sneaking around the office, ducking behind desks,stealing coworkers computers, typing like mad and sneaking off again. If I get fired you have to promise to hire me. With all the fame and glory you have now, I want to bask in the glow.

Please promise me you will never do this again!

Ashley said...

OMG, I forgot about that!! She did say she saves her mop water, didn't she? Damn, your memory is good. I consider myself the official August06 historian, so I'm impressed you pulled that one out. Disgusting pig. Not you, her.

Autumn, I'll never do it again. Unless one of those bitches is up again and I know it's coming...
;-)

Anonymous said...

It's called slander. Not freedom of speach. Might want to consider taking names out of your blog before you get served with legal paperwork ;-)

Ashley said...

Oh what the fuck ever, get a life. I'll change it just because I know one of you losers is an attorney who has nothing better to do then sit around voting on baby contests all day.

However, I looked up the definition of slander and you wouldn't have a chance in hell with that one, but I'll humor you because you've lost every other battle this week.

Jennifer said...

No real names are needed when bitch, skank, dirty mopper, low-voter, jealous whore, mental midget, etc. are available and slander-free.

I don't consider retard as a term for a person with a bona fide condition, either. It's a good word to describe those who were born with a sound brain but against all sense of reason decided they liked being a stupid bitch more than being a normal person.

CC Gerber said...

Lindsay, the freaky Republican chiming in here...

OMFG!! I love you even more know. That was some of the best E.V.E.R.!!!!! You are hilarious and I knew that I loved you for a reason!!!

You so just made my night, well you and my glass of wine. Because you know that a drunk needs her wine just as much as her comedy!!!

Trudi said...

What the fuck is "speach"? Didn't certain people ever learn to spell? They probably took spelling at the same school where their home-ec teacher told them to keep re-using the same mop water for a fucking month.

Jennifer said...

HELP! I need oxygen! I have coke coming out of my nose!...."SPEACH".....for everyone who hasn't had the pleasure of witnessing this first-hand on bbc, this is clear evidence of the types of fucktards to which Ashley is referring. Oh, and it's not slander if it's TRUE.

Anonymous said...

If I didn't worship our Father in Heaven, I would have to worship you! This whole drama has been awesome-I am disappointed that it's over-or is it?????

KrisChrisJakemom from Bargain Boards-(where you have a major fan club)!

tommiea said...

that was hilarious....I voted...from both of our computers!

Happy Homemaker said...

What a writer you are! Too funny!

lyndakay916 said...

"So I have composed a victory letter, because you know they're reading every freaking word I write & will continue to do so even though they hate my guts..."
HaHA!! Did you call that one or what?! Not only does she care what you have to say about her but she's stupid enough to comment on it so we can all have one more laugh at her expense (Doesn't that dipshit have spellcheck?) As I previously stated..this is some FUN-NY shit!!

Kristin said...

Long time lurker & decided to comment...

This event was so unbelievably entertaining. I've been reading your blog for a while & after all of the hoopla on the Bargain Board, I'm adding you to my blog roll for eternity.

Thanks for the laughs because I needed them this week!

Carol said...

I am so unabashedly pleased that I was able to partake somewhat in your victory.

And the icing on the cake was the 'speach' comment..... pure, golden awesomness...

Catfish said...

Kudos my friend! Kudos!

Kate said...

Oh Ashley Ashley Ashley - I'm praying for you. I'm praying that the fucktards (wonderful word by the way) continue to not realize their fucktardedness and continue to provide us with hours upon hours of entertainment (well at least until the LK and BK start having some conversations - you know those are gonna be some funny "shiz"). May God have mercy on you :D

From a total cafeteria Catholic, liberal, gay lovin, non Bible Thumpin, ground worshipping, feet licking reader - Kate

Anonymous said...

You just rock, I have been reading your blog since before the craziness started, but now I am on here everyday. This stuff is better than TV, BTW I voted a 10 for the little man he should have won.

Thanks for giving me a some great laughs every day!!

Joy

Anonymous said...

Just got introduced to this blog. Now I am wishing I read it sooner as I have no idea what is going on! LOL Still love it though! Some people are so totally lame!

Monogram Momma said...

BRAVO!!! You already know you rock in my book so I don't have to tell you. But this letter is classic! I hope one of those "ladies" is sitting at her computer going "uh-ohhhhhh..." finally realizing the damage they caused to their "friend".

Renee said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Muffy Willowbrook said...

Excellent Letter, Ashley! Well Said and Well Played. You are a much funnier, much classier, and I'm sure a better mom than those Fuzz Mouth Bitches! You rock - OUT LOUD!!

Burrus Boys said...

Ashley, I want to tell you how much I appreciate you and your blog. Sorry the little kid didn't win -- clearly a result of blatant, tacky low-balling. But you are so right to feel victorious. Keep stickin' it to all those who deserve it. The rest of us love the resulting fireworks. :)

XOXO, Burrus Boys Mama

Fluffy Windover said...

Just... hilarious. I especially love how some psycho would actually accuse you of photoshopping your kid's eyes. Probably because it is something she would do.

The Cowan's said...

I'm an August 06 mommy and have been reading about this on the outside...but I'm so glad I finally read your blog! I've had an issue with "r" a long time ago and am honestly happy that she got shot down during this crap. This whole thing has cracked me up and just dropped my jaw. Good luck and I look forward to reading more.
H

ayac said...

Ashley!!!

YOU TOTALLY ROCK!!

I am sorry ya'll didn't "win", I voted from every available computer (home, laptop, libraries (2)).

Andrew's Jillybean said...

Fan-freaking-tastic!