Friday, May 18, 2007

Another Day in Paradise

I'm up at the freaking asscrack of dawn because Mr. Ashley had appointments this morning. Okay, actually 8:00am and I'm lucky the little kid slept so long, it's like a world record or something for him, but I reserve the right to complain at any and all times.

I seriously need a house bitch. Is a pot of freshly brewed coffee too much to ask for upon waking?? Damn. Like I'm going to make it myself? Think not. Also, it's about the kitchen. I hate that place. I spend way too much time each day cleaning it up, only to find it a total mess again the next day!! What the fuck?!?! It never ends, it really doesn't. Don't even get me started on laundry....

Mr. Ashley was nice enough to fill our ginormo baby pool before he left. Something about the kids not getting out enough?? Whatever. Damn brats do plenty, trust me. Regardless, it will be nice for me to be able to read and work on my tan today. After taking 15 minutes to lather those damn kids up with sunscreen, finding various accessories so as to facilitate them NOT pooping in my pool, dragging 20lbs of crap to entertain them out to the back deck, etc. I deserve some relaxation. I plop the little kid's fat ass into his Bumbo seat and give him as much watermelon as he can stomach and I scream at the big kid to stay on his own side of the pool and quit splashing me for God's sake, and then all is all right with the world. For 10 minutes or so until someone starts whining to go back in.

The little kid is climbing up my leg and smelling suspiciously like poop. OHHHHH HOUSE BITCH.... Oh wait, that's me damnit. DAMN IT. I just changed his freaking diaper, I swear the little turd waits for a fresh one! Break time's over. Time to start the day, with a smile on my face and the smell of poop in the air.

1 comment:

Dana said...

Fellow August 06 BBC Mama here...just wanted to tell you that this is the funniest thing I've seen in so long! Thanks for providing some laughter in the drudgery that is the life of this working mom!