Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Junkfood for Babies

The little one is going to weigh 300lbs. He's happy when he's eating or I'm performing a 3 ring circus for his personal delight, and that's pretty much it. He's also pretty good for Mr. Ashley.

Mr. Ashley works from home and he's nice enough to wake up when little one does during the week and let me sleep until 9am (VERY NICE!!). Apparently the little one is a perfect little gentleman for those 2 hours until the moment he lays eyes on me, at which point he immediately starts crying and screaming. What's up with that? I carry him for 10 months (the 9 months thing is b.s., don't get me started on that), I had morning sickness like nobody's business for 14 freaking weeks, my back hurt, I can't even list it all really. Don't even get me started on the whole labor thing, Good Lord. Breastfeeding for 9 months, cracked nipples, THRUSH, NEVER SLEEPING THROUGH THE FREAKING NIGHT, it goes on and on. My point is, this is my repayment? Waking up first thing to him shrieking and charging at me? Come on kid.

So to appease him while I deal with the big one, because he still needs stuff too, Terror in the house or not, I give the little one an eggo waffle. Okay, usually it is two. I feel bad about it, really I do. He likes them frozen because he is teething and they feel good on his teeth. EGGO WAFFLES. Total junkfood for an (almost) 9 month old. For Shame. I swore it wouldn't happen again, when cheeseburger was one of the big one's first words, I swore I'd do it right next time. So shoot me.

I've been doing baby sign language with the little one, usually just eat, more, drink and ball so far. He usually just screams or smiles or sits there but I keep doing it. I think he gets so crabby because he just wants to walk and talk. It's never going to happen if he sits on his fat butt and screams all day. Anyhoo, the other day I was eating some pork fried rice and the little one started getting really excited and trying to get to me. I looked at him and he frantically did the sign for eat 3 times in a row! So I had to give him some and you should have seen how happy he was with himself. He also seems to love Chinese takeout, oops.

Now to make up for all of the shit talking I do about the little one, if you met him in person you'd tell me I'm a liar. That's his thing, he's a smooth operator and good at making me look like the bad guy. In public he's all smiles and kisses and giggles. He is a total doll and has a real sparkle in his grin and he is generous with it. It's sometimes embarrassing to go out with him because he stares at people and grins and shrieks until they look at him and then he giggles and coos. It is ridiculous, he's got to talk to everyone all the time. Sometimes I just want to grocery shop or eat at a restaurant in peace, you know? But he is awfully cute and one of those smiles makes me forget the abuse, almost.


Unknown said...

I am SOOOO turning you into the Mommy Police for your flagrant disregard for the health and well being of your small one. Eggo waffles...!

Unknown said...

do it, do it, do it....Actually, he would love if someone would intervene on his behalf. He is quite certain he is malnourished.

Unknown said...

Well, he's what... 85 lbs now? Cow child. That's what he gets for living off the tap and Eggos and pork fried rice.

Unknown said...

You can call him Hoss. It's what he prefers. He's a muscular 20 some lbs, I would guess. I really have no idea, nor do I know when his next dr. appt is, although I suspect it is any day now.

He's svelte. You know you wish your baby was hot like mine.

Unknown said...

I was thinking of the Eggo as a treat for good baby behaviour. If I give it to the child cold does he need to wear mittens?