Sunday, May 20, 2007

Sunday is Family Fun Day

Sunday, Sunday, it's a family fun day, says the wise old Moose A. Moose. Kids can be fun when they're not tearing up the house, injuring themselves or others or whining. So here are a few quick fun things that the Ashleys do to entertain themselves and each other:

I Know An Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly. This is a real favorite around here, done at least once a day I would say. It must be done with great enthusiasm, creativity and passion or it's pretty much just too long, loud and boring. I'll walk you through it, in case you're not familiar:

(With great gusto, don't forget)
I know an old lady who swallowed a fly
I don't know why she swallowed that fly
I guess she'll die

I know an old lady that swallowed a spider,
that wriggled and wiggled and tickled inside her
(at this point in the chorus, I like to do a surprise tickle attack on someone)

She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed that fly
I guess she'll die

I know an old lady that swallowed a bird
Oh My, how absurd to swallow a bird
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
that wriggled and wiggled and tickled inside her
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed that fly
I guess she'll die

I know an old lady who swallowed a cat
Imagine that, she swallowed a cat
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wriggled and wiggled and tickled inside her
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed that fly
I guess she'll die

I know an old lady who swallowed a dog
My what a hog, to swallow a dog
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wriggled and wiggled and tickled inside her
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed that fly
I guess she'll die

I know an old lady who swallowed a goat
Just opened her throat and swallowed a goat
She swallowed the goat to catch the dog
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wriggled and wiggled and tickled inside her
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed that fly
I guess she'll die

I know an old lady who swallowed a cow
I don't know how she swallowed a cow
She swallowed the cow to catch the goat
She swallowed the goat to catch the dog
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wriggled and wiggled and tickled inside her
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed that fly
I guess she'll die

I know an old lady that swallowed a horse.
She's dead of course!

I also like to add animal sounds, high notes and dramatic pauses. I can't believe I just typed that all out, my genius self just realized I could have copied and pasted from somewhere. I hope someone bothers to read it.

We're also big fans of:
Give me five
Up high
Down low (put your hand out and then snatch it away as they're about to do it)
Yell "TOO SLOW" and tickle them instead. Cracks The big kid and his girl friend up every time.

We enjoy singing and dancing to Jamie Kennedy's "Circle, Circle, Dot, Dot, Now you got your cootie shot", yelling "Shake it, don't break it, it took your mama 9 months to make it" throughout random times of the day, with snippets of "Hey Ya" by Outkast and of course "Da Club" by 50 cent at appropriate times. Believe it or not, we don't listen to a lot of rap. It's just more fun to sing and dance to. Seeing the big kid yell "Shake it like a polaroid picture" while shaking his bum bum is pretty priceless.

Speaking of the big kid, he just told me he can make his penis into a flower. Interesting. Why, oh why don't I have girl children? The little kid is sick, so he gets to be my Cupcake today for his all day pity party. I'd better go deal with them. You should go serenade your family with a rousing edition of "I know an old lady" in my honor. It's really the least you could do after I typed all that crap out. Or you could go hide in the bathroom with a book and pretend you're pooping, I get some good reading time that way. Either way have a Happy Sunday.