Friday, July 20, 2007

Buzz Kill

Well, the day started off just lovely. We saw several dolphins, the kids were all happy, the weather was lovely, the tide was low and the water was the perfect temperature.

We had our pimp chalices and our bottle of wine (please note that ONCE AGAIN, I had to push the fucking cork through. This time it was due to a freezing issue, I swear, it couldn't be avoided)

Since the nanny was present (although STILL in her Brazilian cut bottoms, even though she has gotten 3 new suits with appropriate bottoms. Putting on a show for Mr. Ashley, perhaps?) The Renee and I decided to down our wine quickly and go on a kid-free walk.

So we are moseying around, slightly buzzed, feeling warm and fuzzy, enjoying an almost totally deserted island when I notice a bird that is sitting sort of weird up ahead. Whatever, I thought nothing of it. Until I made eye contact with the little bastard and he starts squawking and coming right for us. The Renee and I both had a moment of thinking it wasn't really going to attack us and had a nervous giggle until we realized that the little fucker was indeed going to attack us. It swoops in right at us with it's pointy little beak open in a screech. We screech back and do a hurried turn and run when we notice another one of the fuckers coming for us, also in attack mode. At this point we're seriously screaming and trying to run into the water. I realize now that birds can go over, and even into, water if they wanted to, but we were scared shitless and unprepared for a fucking bird attack, we didn't know what to do. Luckily, the mangy little shits took it as good faith on our part that we had learned our lesson and were turning back.

And indeed we did, but we had to take the long way through the water because we were too scared to go back onto the island. On our way back, we saw this up ahead:

We sat for a moment, under our metal framed canopy, watching the lightning and thunder all around us and trying to prevent the kids from blowing away when we decided it was best to turn back.

So we loaded up the boat and the 10 million kids and sat huddled together in the back of the boat, being pelted by daggers of rain and shivering as we held wet, scared kids under wet, soggy towels on our wet, cold laps. And we laughed and yelled "Woo-hoo" and "Welcome to Florida, folks!" and sang "There's a party in my tummy, so yummy, so yummy!" while the kids sat in stunned, cold silence.

So the whole thing ended up being a major buzzkill, but we still managed to have fun and even managed to convince the children that it was an adventure (once they were on dry land again).

Now I'm home and packed and ready for my next adventure. Well, as ready as I'll ever be.
Did I mention there is only 1 bathroom? For 4 adults, 2 teen girls, a pre-schooler and a baby? Luckily there's an outside enclosed shower, is it inappropriate to pee there?

I will miss you all. There are no internet cafes or wireless connections anywhere nearby. So for now, it's goodbye my friends. I will be thinking of you while I'm floating down the Ichetucknee River in an innertube, watching the otters frolic alongside me. I wish we could all go together, we would tie our tubes together and make one long river of people...the floating cooler stays with me though.


Burrus Boys said...

By next Tuesday, do you mean that is when you'll actually be back, or is that the facetious C-U-Next Tuesday that we drug reps used to use when receptionists were total ho-bags to us? Also, Christian Rock is best appreciated while high on sharpies, so good luck with that.

Ms. Skywalker said...

Oh, I'll miss you.

But not as much as you'll miss us. I'm sure of that.

Christian rock. Humph.

Deb said...

You will be missed. Take copious notes. I think you can huff cooking spray, too, so get yourself a little Pam.

Unknown said...

It is going to be a rough weekend for us all but enjoy your 'vacation'. It sounds like we will have some good reading to catch up on when you return.

You could always bring some Ready-whip, that's a pretty nice high as well...

Ms. Skywalker said...


You haven't found a wireless internet cafe yet?

Monogram Momma said...

And that? why i don't vacation with family! ;-)

Have a great time and I'll be looking forward to your return!

Unknown said...

Why aren't you back yet? I MISS YOU!

Jazz said...

Hillarious! Looking forward to seeing how the trip went.

You paint such a delightful picture :)