Monday, July 30, 2007

Dear Willie,

You are looking kind of ashamed of yourself here...as well you should. You know that I adore you. You know that I snuck past your lame ass security team multiple times in January in order to be as close to you as possible. You saw me, we made the eye contact, I know you felt it too.

I was a little irritated that you threw your bandanna to that skanky blonde and her friend, but I understand. Mr. Ashley specifically said that there would be no groupie action after the show, regardless of opportunity (however he did say we could smoke a joint together...you blew that one) and besides, my parents were present. But I love you anyway. I always will.

HOWEVER, I just read this:


“My next album is probably going to be with Willie Nelson. I’ve been
wanting to do a country record, because its just my roots. I aspire to be
Patsy Cline.”- Jessica Simpson tells the August issue of Harpers Bazaar


Um...seriously? I hope this is just Jessica talking out of her growing ass and not based on any kind of fact. Because she's no Patsy Cline and you're no Nick Lachey (Thank God for that). This CAN NOT, WILL NOT happen Willie. CAN NOT WILL NOT. The thought of it makes me puke in my mouth a little.

I know you two buddy-ed up during the whole Dukes of Hazard thing and whatever, I can accept it. She was hot then, you're old, I see it happening. But this, this is taking things to another level. An unacceptable level.

Speaking of unacceptable, she better not have touched, brushed or braided your hair. It is a dream of mine and I just can not stand the thought of her doing it. It goes like this: We hang out in your tour bus, we smoke a little, I brush and braid your hair and we laugh about Jessica's dumb ass making an album with you....oh how we laugh. Then we eat and then we smoke some more. Let's stick with that plan and let's not piss me off.

Thanks!

Yours Truly,
Ashley


P.S. What do her roots have to do with anything? Country music does not automatically imply bleached blonde hair with brown roots. Ken Paves, please straighten this mess of a girl out.

6 comments:

Jenn said...

Oh Willie.

My blue eyes are cryin' in the rain.

Tara said...

To borrow a phrase from the Dixie Chicks, I'm embarrassed she's from my home state.

You crack me up.

ME ME ME said...

I would be so sad if Willie did this. Surely he doesn't need Jessica to sell albums or concert tickets. I don't know what part of this horrifies me more - the thought of Willie doing an album with Daisy Duke or her saying that she wants to be like Patsy Cline.

PATSY CLINE YOU ARE NOT, MS. SIMPSON!!!

(I'm a big Patsy Cline fan.)

Burrus Boys said...

I can only assume Willie was high when he had this discussion with her. Therefore, it is not in any way binding and cannot, should not be spoken of ever again.

tommiea said...

This is just funny....I can totally see you playing with his hair while smoking some stuff.

Buttercup said...

I want to find out of Miss "Better Back the Fuck Up" Simpson has a My Space page. If so you should post this a comment! ROFLMA

You have every right to fight for your Willie.