little kid has been in time out 4 times this morning and has had his butt swatted (I know, child abuse, take him).
He is a walking maniac. Among his list of offenses so far this morning:
1. Taking off his pjs and diaper and peeing out the bars of his crib (at least a twice daily affair).
2. Finding a marker and drawing all over Big Kid's bed sheets.
3. Grabbing my coffee and pouring it onto the floor.
4. Torturing Murphy (The other day I caught him running up to Murphy with a pair of play pliers and an absolutely wicked grin on his face)
5. Body slamming into the screen door.
6. Taking off his diaper again (We've been making duct tape belts for him, because it is the only way to stop his e-bull self, but I didn't have any handy this time so I used a double layer of painter's tape)
7. Pounding on pets while wearing a pirate claw. (got a time out for this one. We are kind to animals around here or we get our ass beat)
8. Found in time out, BUTT NAKED AND SMILING, with the painter's tape wrapped around his neck.
9. Unpacked Big Kid's backpack, all over the kitchen floor.
10. Caught with play money in his mouth.
11. Fed the rocking horse peaches. This seems harmless enough, but every plush animal in the house has a ketchup or peach juice encrusted face. It's disgusting. He has play food.
12. Purposely spilled his milk onto the floor so he could lap it up with his tongue like a dog.
13. Had a total fit, talked nasty to me, and gave me the new "dirty look" he's so proud of when he realized he wasn't getting new milk.
14. Ran out the front door as fast as he could and into a path in the woods. He is freaking fascinated with this path on our property and every chance he gets, when he thinks I'm not on top of my game, he unlocks the deadbolt (because that's not even a hindrance anymore) and bolts straight out the front door, across the front yard, and onto this path.
This is what he got the swat for. I DO NOT like running like a wild person (because I have to sprint, he's fast and he has a head start and the element of surprise), barefoot and bra-less and still in my pjs, into the fucking woods.
My neighbors' landscaping crew has witnessed this debacle. I'm not proud.
So yeah, I spanked him. It doesn't work, but neither does anything else and I can't have him running through the woods.
So that's how my morning has gone so far. Right now I'm letting him gorge himself on Mandarin oranges because he's quiet when his mouth is full.