Friday, July 11, 2008

No 5 Second Rule

Big Kid: No, I'm frowing my lollipop away because it dest fell on da floor. You can't have it, little kid. GET AWAY. Are you twyin' to get stuff in da garbage? 'Cuz it's in da garbage.

little kid: NOOOO!

Big Kid: Excuse me? Excuuuuse me? Did you say no to me? I BET you did. Do you want to choose a choice? Do you want to have fun out here or just be a bad, bad eater?

(sounds of a struggle)

Hey, I tode you not to try to get da lollipop. I frowed it in da garbage, little kid. Bad boy! You can't get it fwom da garbage. Fine, you're a bad eater. You choose bad eating. I can't believe you would want to be so discustin'. MOM! MUDDER!! He dest ate a cracker out of da garbage! I CANNOT BEWIEVE YOU ARE EATIN' GARBAGE, LITTLE KID. MOOOOOOOM.

Ashley: (finally rising from the couch, where I have been blogging their argument thus far) Okay, he already chewed it up, nothing I can do about it now. little kid, I have told you NOT to eat things out of the garbage. Stay out of the laundry room. This is insane, I shouldn't have to tell you this stuff.

Big Kid: (Bursts into tears) He ate garbage. He's gonna be sick. Oh no!! Oh nooooo, little kid, I can't bewieve you're gonna be sick. Don't eber do it again, promise me you won't eber do it again. WAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Ashley: (stunned silence, along with little kid) Um, Big's okay. It was half a cracker, still in the cellophane even. I promise, he won't be sick.

Big Kid: (sobbing) You don't know nothin' about germs. He will be sick. It was in dere wif garbage. He will be sick forevuh. I cannot bewieve you did dis little kid, dat you ate garbage. I dest still can't eben bewieve it.

I've finally managed to calm him down (and move the garbage can further away, it was too close to the baby gate) but I will admit to being totally shocked by Big Kid's reaction. WOW.

The hand washing obsession obviously runs deeper than the amusement of soap and water. I have no idea how I ended up giving birth to a germ freak, but he is living in the wrong house to have that level of concern.

edited to add: Not that we regularly eat things out of the garbage, but we are proponents of the five second rule. I just doubt we live up to his expectations in terms of sanitation, which seem extraordinarily high for a four year old.


Melodie said...

SO funny! He's freaking (and by that I mean a little bit freaky) adorable!
Maybe he'll be such a clean freak when he gets older, he'll take over the housekeeping for the rest of the Ashley family. That would be great, wouldn't it?
BK'll be cooking you meatballs for dinner and cleaning up the house for you, too. Maybe you could teach him how to fold and put away the laundry, too?

Lauren said...

I say go ahead and put him on cleaning duty. You wouldn't have to worry about germs and hopefully this will result in less doctor visits.

AFRo said...

That kid is going to make it to Hollywood one day. Dramatic.

Melissa said...

You have a little Adrian Monk!!!! Too Funny!!!

Jennifer said...

God forbid that LK gets the runs by coincidence.

Maddness of Me said...

He will have better ammunities for it and live with less allergies :)

Maddness of Me said...

I once ate a piece of chocolate cake from the garbage. I'm not ashamed to admit it.

In my defense, it was college, I was drunk, on my period, and had just seen my boyfriend kissing somebody.

Put into perspective, it doesn't seem so bad does it!

Let us know when BK starts to sort his M&M's by color.

Melodie said...

Hey, Me. Are you trying to say there's something wrong with sorting MnM's by color? You'd probably think eating them in rainbow order after sorting them was crazy, too, wouldn't you? Not that I'm admitting to doing any of that or anything...

alexandra said...

I don't know how you are able to type so phonetically (is that even a word??) It adds so much drama. Look at the bright side, at least he cares about the health and welfare of his lil bro!

Anonymous said...

I LOVE reading your blog... I started a blog a few months ago and I just had a son. I can't wait to see what mischief he gets up to in the years to come but right now all i write about is how cute he is blah blah blah because he doesnt do much else apart from me cute :)

Your life is never boring... no matter how stressful or anything that it gets there is always something going on or something that makes you smile...

Big kid and little kid sound so adorable.

love your blog.

Rach (Mommy Learns to Blog) said...

LOVED this post! I have to say that while I was first reading I was thinking "Great job, Ashley, Big Kid has clearly gotten a grasp on the undertanding of choices and consequences, something we've been working hard at with our 3 year old!" but then I just started laughing at his reaction. How endearing that he was so upset and concerned for the well-being of his little brother!

I agree with whoever commented that they hope LK doesn't get a coincidental case of the runs. Then you might be in therapy for a session or 50.

Sasha said...

I just read this to Mr. Sasha here in Estes Park on our balcony listening to the babbling brook (stream) here beside us. It's his first taste of the Ashleys, and he's dying laughing. He loves BK too.

Did you get my camera email?

Life, Love And Lola said...

I'm all about the 5 second rule!

absurdly yours said...

You have reminded me of how fun these ages kids are 8 and 12 now so they just fight over looking at each other or crossing the imaginary line on the back seat of the car. What a laugh you have given me today! I love the passion BK shows!

Brandy said...

This had me laughing & crying at the same time!! Crying because it's funny...not because my house seems pitiful and depressing now. No one EVER eats out of the trash dammit.