Everyone's on a diet, including Cookie Monster. I really think it is insensitive to those of us who are still waiting to start our diets for various reasons (which are escaping me at the moment) to be discussing it all the time, flaunting weight loss, and comparing poo.
Most of the Chaws are dieting. Several have even been Master Cleansing, even though I told them not to. So naturally, the conversation has steered back towards poop. I can't even tell you how many poop related emails have been exchanged over the years. We've done baby poop, husband poop, diet poop, dog poop, colon cleanse poop, Master Cleanse poop, clogged toilet poop, not pooping and so much more. I actually saw photos of a chaw's husband's poo during our colon cleansing obsession period. I have found myself wondering at night if so and so's kid has finally gone ahead and pooped yet or not. That's friendship, ladies.
Anyway, everyone is losing all of this weight except for me who hasn't been on a scale in a really long time. Either my clothes are getting smaller and my mirror has subtly warped to make my belly appear pregnant-ish, or I have most likely gained a few. Fuck.
This is especially a major problem because I went over to the Girl Crush's house the other day. This is actually Girl Crush #2, in case you remember or kept up with the Girl Crush saga. I actually didn't even tell you all about her at first because I didn't want you to think I was a total psycho, but now I've proven that so you may as well get to know her.
I went over there and had a great time and we found out we have tons in common (mainly slightly messy houses, kids that are in their undies a lot, a penchant for pajamas and a love of laziness) and I'm pretty sure we're ready to move onto a steady relationship.
This is great and I'm all aglow with the excitement of a new friendship, HOWEVER...she is Exceptionally Pretty. Head turning-ly so. Ugh. It's mainly her size that concerns me. She has 2 kids too, so I can't even use that as an excuse. I know if we start going steady I'd want to take her on the boat, EXCEPT I know I'd probably stare at her all day and I would have to poke Mr. Ashley's eyes out before I'd even consider going.
The Renee thinks I should probably just not go anywhere with her and since we both like being at home so much, we should probably stick with that. That's probably my best bet for now, but plan B is to lose this weight. I think I can still call it baby weight after 16 months, but I know I'm pushing it with that. More like McDonald's french fries and Coke weight. Damn McDonald's.
So I'll be joining the Chaws and Cookie Monster in their quest for supreme health and a rockin' bod. Soon. Maybe Monday. I mean, I have to go grocery shopping and stuff and no one starts stuff on a Thursday or Friday. That's a sure fire recipe for failure. So Monday it is, probably.
Can we talk about the Cookie Monster thing though? Seriously? Is this necessary? It annoys me. I'm tired of these politically correct life lessons creeping in to all aspects of my life. I get it, but come on. Leave Cookie Monster out of it. Let the Monster have his cookies, that's his whole deal. Would Vegetable Monster ever have been popular? Um, no.
What's next? Speech Therapy for Elmo? Anger Management for The Grouch? OCD meds for The Count? Lexapro for Snuffy? Couples Counseling for Bert & Ernie?
Sweet niblets people, lay off. Everyone deserves some mindless pleasure. Sesame Street is already chock-full of education. Let the characters have their flaws. If my kid translates Cookie Monster's passion for cookies as permission to make a mess eating cookies all day long...I'll take care of it.
Besides, who likes vegetables? Really? There's nothing entertaining about vegetables.