Saturday, January 12, 2008

Mission Accomplished

I escaped the Dungeon of Drudgery yesterday (aka home) with two mostly dressed children, one without shoes and one with a fading bite mark, and hope in my heart.

You see, I finally decided that it was time to upgrade from the $29 three year old jeans that are sliding off my butt. It was finally time to give up the dream that the next pair of pants I bought would be a size 6. It was time to face my fears, and my short stubby legs, and buy some jeans I could tuck my muffin top into.

So we picked up my mom (who is always up for shopping and who really enjoys seeing the boys when I'm around to deal with them) and headed to the mall. Of course, while there we had to stop by the pet store where my mom searched in vain for another Dachshund (it's almost like she collects them) and Big Kid begged for a guinea pig (HAHAHAHAHA...not fucking happening) and I almost got busted for my participation in the conspiracy to cover up the recent death of our fish, Fish. My mom pointed out a nice new aquarium, which Big Kid loved, and I had to give an out of the side of the mouth "ix-nay on the ish-fay, we don't have one". I think it has temporarily blown over, but he's bound to notice that Fish is MIA some point.

Then we swung by Build a Bear because Big Kid had his heart set on making "a pink bear wif button eyes and da softest hair and a beeyooteedul dwess dat will be da bery sweetest bear ever for Emmers birfday." Unfortunately, none of the available bears met these exact specifications, but we worked it out after a lot of time and thought.

He told all the girls that worked there that he was making a bear for his girl friend, his bestest friend in the whole world, and they all melted and declared him the cutest kid they'd ever seen and the best boyfriend ever. They really made it special and he was so excited. He chose a little voice recorder for them to put in it and he said "You're my best fwiend Emmers" and he lovingly bathed and brushed it and agonized over which shoes would be best with the bear's dress.

(Can I pause right here to point out that the Build a Bear people are making a freaking killing? Those damn bear shoes cost as much as the last pair I bought for little kid.)

Then he filled out the birth certificate (he named it Big Kidette) and lugged it's enormous carrier around the mall, refusing to let anyone help him with it. It was a super cute experience and he's excited to give her his gift. Last night he insisted on covering it up with a blanky before he went to bed. Damn, that kid is sweet.

Anyway, I was excited about this trip because I keep hearing how awesome the Old Navy sale is. Not mine. Ugh. A bunch of overpriced, ugly crap all crammed onto the racks willy nilly. It's always a mess in there. I wasn't too devastated because I've come to realize that Old Navy doesn't make jeans that fit most human beings correctly. I think this is an upselling tactic, they hope you'll go to Gap or Banana Republic where the same company does manage to get it right. I was hoping to at least find some cute stuff for the boys, but once again, there was only cute little girl clothes and Mr. Ashley doesn't let me buy those.

So I dragged my ass over to the Gap like they knew I would. Miraculously, every single thing I tried on fit me perfectly, was comfortable, and flattering. What torture!! Usually I can't find anything and this time, when I am only looking for ONE pair of jeans, I find $260 worth of stuff that I can't live without.

I narrowed it down to one pair of jeans and two tops and as I was getting ready to check out, my mom offered to chip in $100 if I wanted the rest of it. She veiled it with "Well, I owe you $30 for something and I did buy your brother $70 worth of stuff the other day, so it's only fair", so that I wouldn't feel too bad taking her money, but really, I just really really wanted those clothes so I didn't hesitate.

It's been a while since I've put on an outfit and felt really good in it. I am in desperate need. So I got 4 shirts and 2 pairs of jeans. Yay! That's a big start. I love my new Long & Lean jeans. I have heard they were great before, but since I am neither long nor lean I figured it wouldn't apply to me. Turns out their ankle length fits me perfectly and their midrise tucks it all in.

Then I went to Costco and spent the equivalent of a car payment, but I'd like to not have to go to the grocery store ever again if possible. Shit, I just remembered I was supposed to start dieting tomorrow. Bleh. What excuse will I use to get out of it this time? Damn. I'm going to have to go to the grocery store. I'm also supposed to start exercising with a friend tomorrow morning. I don't really want to. little kid has a runny nose, maybe I can milk that one for a little while longer. After all, I do have pants that fit me now....


Jennifer said...

Hmm, I'll have to go check out those jeans. I need something for my muffin top.

My wiener dog's parents just had 2 puppies, both girls. We are just north of Atlanta so I'm sure your mom wouldn't want to drive up here for a dog but these dogs make gorgeous puppies.

PaperCourt said...

I love it when mom offers to pitch in!

Melodie said...

The only way I can get my mom to buy anything for me is if I sneak it in with her stuff at the register.

As for the clothes that fit you, the same thing happened to me. I was all set to go on a diet when I went and bought a few pairs of jeans that not only fit me perfectly, but were extremely comfortable. That was more than enough of an excuse to nix the diet idea.

AFRo said...

Gap jeans are awesome. So are shopping days with mom. Old Navy sucks all around, it's not just you.

Carie said...

OMG, I thought I was the only person on the planet that can not under any circumstances find a pair of jeans at Old Navy that fit.
Gap Long and Lean is awesome! I just bought my first pair of those and I also need Ankle length as well. I own 2 pair of Seven For All Mankind jeans that cost way too much and I also have to spend extra to have them taken up. Now that I have found Gap Long and Lean I'm not sure I'll ever go back. Seriously, they look just as good as the Seven's.

Rebecca said...

I just recently kissed my dreams of a size 6 goodbye. I'm cheap though and went with the Merona jeans at Target.

Anonymous said...

I have the same problem with Old Navy jeans. Hate them! I do love the long and leans at Gap though!

Monogram Momma said...

Unless your stick skinny, I don't believe ANYONE can wear the Old Navy jeans. The zipper is half the length of a normal zipper so even if they might fit you once you got them on, getting them ON and over HIPS is half the battle.

I stick to good 'ol fashioned Levi's. Honestly. Those people know how to make some jeans and they've got all sorts of great styles now.

Lynda Kay said...

Look- you mentioned a good pair of jeans and these women are all over it! I just wanted to comment on your big kid..he's a real sweetheart. Even though they where forced to hang out from birth he really does love his Emmers so much & loves to do special things that make her happy. He's a good little boy/best friend. Oh yes, & thanks for reminding me it was Emmers birthday tomorrow.

Unknown said...

I love (love, love, love) Gap's Long and Lean jeans.
I too am cursed with a not-your-aveage size body.
My legs are long, but my butt is flat (ish) and it's hard for jeans to fit just right..
They are spot on though.
And I 2nd the Merona jeans from Target... they really are shaped quiet nicely.