Friday, January 4, 2008

Yesterday

It was 56 degrees here. Damn near freezing! People had scarves on. Everyone broke out their skinny jeans and furry boots. I got to wear my new cashmere sweater! There's something about wearing a $200 sweater with $29 jeans bought 3 years ago that keep sliding down my butt and shoes from Payless, but whatever.

So LK and I took the brats to Chick-Fil-A (oh how I love thee) and Joann's (because I never did learn my lesson about taking groups of kids to craft stores) and had a nice afternoon out. At Chick-Fil-A we saw a brand new, itty bitty, red, wrinkled, fuzzy, squinty eyed newborn. Awwwww. It's amazing how my heart flip flops for those ugly, fussy little people who emit foul liquids from every orifice.

Lately, it seems that everyone I know is pregnant. Well, everyone I know online. And Renee's live in nanny (who may or may not be illegal, depending on how you look at it). I know some "real" people who just had new babies too. Of course as the mother of a 16 month old, who hangs out with other mothers of 16 month olds, I'm around a lot of conversations about trying to conceive and pregnancy announcements.

As absolutely PSYCHOTIC as it is, this makes me want another baby. Blech. I know, I don't even really like kids that much and I don't want a whole bunch of people living with me, even if they are people that I made. I know it is total insanity and that if I actually got a positive pregnancy test right now I would probably cry and scream at Mr. Ashley for doing this to me once realization settled in.

Even so, last month I sort of thought I was pregnant (although that was 100% impossible. It would have been the next immaculate conception, which would have been pretty cool) and was a little disappointed to discover I definitely was not (even though I knew I really couldn't be). Sometimes lately just for fun, I look at Mr. Ashley and say, "Let's have another baby!" and he laughs and shakes his head. Thank God he does, because in general our conception process goes like this:

One of us: Hey, wouldn't it be fun to have a baby?
The Other: Oh, that would be fun!
One of us: Really? Oh let's!
The Other: Okay! Yeah!

20 sweaty minutes later

One of us: You know, I've been thinking. Maybe right now isn't the best time to have a baby.
The Other: Yeah, I know. I was thinking the same thing. Let's wait until ____.
One of us: Yeah, that's a good idea.
The Other: One time probably won't take. We're probably fine. We just won't do that again.
One of us: Yeah, I agree.

and 10 months later, along comes a kid.

Mr. Ashley knows that this is just my crazy hormones talking. That there is just something in a woman's body when her youngest baby enters toddlerhood that makes her forget that getting that baby there was more or less a total nightmare, and tricks her body into thinking she needs another one.

This is when I worry for those women that are going to have as many babies as God tells them to have. No offense, but if my hormones are dictated by God, then he really wants me to eat a ridiculous and unhealthy amount of chocolate. He also makes me act like a total crazy bitch sometimes.

Also, I see where the undereducated welfare abusers go wrong. Aside from the physical miseries, it's kind of fun to be pregnant. The attention and the excitement and the interesting-ness of it all. Then you have a new, sweet, snuggly little person everyone likes to ooh and aah over and all kinds of tiny, cute new stuff. Next thing you know, you've got 7 kids by 7 daddies and you can't afford daycare and people are saying you should be sterilized.

Anyway, I don't know if I'm going to have another kid or not. The plan was always two, but the plan was always 1 boy and 1 girl and little kid screwed that one up. I really want a girl. My entire life I was just certain I would be the mom of a girl. I love tutus and dance recitals and baby dolls and bikinis and dresses and all of that jazz. I have known her name since I was 12 (Bailey, after my grandfather) and can completely picture a curly headed, munchkin faced crossbreed of me and Mr. Ashley. So stinking cute. He really wants a girl too.

However, there is that pesky problem of that 50% chance that this imagined 3rd child would have a penis. Actually the more I think about it, I can completely picture myself as the mom to a herd of boys. I've always been a guy's girl (not a slut either) and I love the dirty, silly, tough but vulnerable thing that makes boys boys (and I'm not talking about penises either).

So to prepare myself for this possibility, I try to imagine 3 boys and although the thought exhausts me and I'm not even sure where we'd put another one, I think I could handle it. Maybe. That could just be the hormones talking. Or the fact that I've come up with a name I love. As with little kid, I've informed Mr. Ashley that if the imagined child is a boy, I get to name him whatever I want as a consolation prize. I told him little kid's name when I was pregnant with Big Kid and it took him that long to warm up to it. I fought him on the middle name up until delivery (I won).

So if I have a 3rd boy he will be....Cash Alexander. I love it. I know some people will hate it and that's okay. I'm aware that it sounds like the name of a drug dealer's child. I know people will roll their eyes when they hear it. But when he's a gorgeous successful grown up (because I make Exceptional children, otherwise I wouldn't even consider a third), it will suit him perfectly. Besides, when people ask him who to make the check out to, he can say "My friends call me Cash."

So I pretty much just want to use the name. Good reason to have a 3rd huh? I love baby names.

The other day on the boat though, I had both boys in my lap, Big Kid tucked under one arm with the towel over his head (as usual) and little kid laying in the other arm with no towel touching him (as usual), sucking on my arm as he slept, and I felt content with the thought of having two and giving up on a Bailey or a Cash and just embracing the idea of having one for each arm. My two fun boys who I already know and love. Become the ultimate soccer mom and enjoying less drama and a more reasonable clothing budget as a result.

Besides, that would mean I could get a boob job sooner and be the head bitch in charge around here forever, with no competition. I could also get to that gorgeous, tan and toned, rock hard size 2 body I deserve a lot faster. I wouldn't be outnumbered or have more toys to pick up or one more loud mouth to listen to.

Who knows what I'll do. I really do love those names. I think we've come right back around to me needing a bigger house and a nanny. Isn't that the answer to everything? Maybe I could just get an illegal pregnant nanny and pretend her baby is mine when I want to? And make her name it what I want? I think that is The Renee's plan, but don't tell her that I told you that.

16 comments:

Buttercup said...

Exactly. le sigh...

Sasha said...

I did the whole Shettles thing when trying for number 2. I was dead-set that I was supposed to have 2 boys. I love baseball and had dreams of spending the weekend at the baseball fields, keeping the big book, getting a nice tan, and being the "cool mom". We followed the method perfectly and I knew it would be a boy- no question in my mind. I even bought some more baby blue yarn to finish crocheting that blanket I started when The Politician was being baked.

I about fell of the exam table when the ultrasound tech said The Wild Child was a girl. I had no clue what to do with a girl, cause I'm not real frilly.

But I gotta tell ya, me and Visa have it all figured out.

But as for the number of kids, 2 is all that's coming out of my V. I'm no Michelle Duggar.

Tara said...

I have a bad case of baby fever too. The Army seems hellbent on keeping us a 1-kid family though. Hubby's 18-day R&R missed my ovulation by 3 days on BOTH ends. He got home 3 days after and left 3 days before. Ugh. I'm dying for a boy (since we already have a girl). I'm not as sure on the name as you are (I love it by the way), though! Good luck if y'all decide to try!

Dana said...

Oh yes . . . I remember when the baby fever struck me. Everything about having another baby just seemed heavenly. WTF was I thinking?? Morning (all day) sickness and a 16 month old do not mix.

Lacy said...

hahaha.. insert a bud light (or 15) into that conversation that you had between you and your hubby... and that was how my little one was concieved.

IF I ever have another boy his name will be Waylon Cash. I think Cash is becoming quite popular.
-Lacy

~Gretchen~ said...

The beauty of adopting a 3.5 year old? no pregnancy, morning sickness, swelling, stretch marks, vaginal birth or c-section, episiotomy, breastfeeding, getting up in the night, holding the screaming baby while they get vaccines, diapers, potty training. Insta-kid. It is the greatest.

You failed to address the most important aspect of more children: Can you really handle any more laundry>

Danielle said...

Make it THREE "sweaty minutes" (instead of 20) and that's how my kids were conceived!?!
Oh, and I totally know what you are going through. I was just going to blog about this the other day. Although, I have a girl after 2 boys, I STILL have a LOT of "I-want-another-baby" days. Fortunately, I have more "Thank-God-I-got-my-tubes-tied" days!?!

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

I have the 3 boyz. #3 was a whoops and technically, his middle name should be "Bud Light".

Anyway...

We're done. Well, Hubby is, anyway.
I still may meet the man of my dreams whom I will want to father my future children...

I KEED. I KEED.

Boys are awesome. You should totally go for the third (so I can laugh at--I mean WITH--you.)

Traci said...

I do have to agree that morning sickness and a 16 month-old do not mix well but you get through it..

I love love love your names you have picked out. And you do make some exceptionally cute babies so why not? Live a little.

Okay- maybe a part of me has the whole misery-loves-company thing going on.. I have to admit.. I simply do not know how I am going to handle being the out-numbered adult in the house but at least I'm not Michelle Duggar... crazy bitch.

Jenn said...

I have a dog you can borrow....

She looks stunning in dresses.

Cake said...

I think you should have another one - I'd LOVE to read your hormonal posts while pregnant! ;) And those names are both adorable!

I'm ticking like a time bomb up here, but I want two more boys. Tutus scare me.

Oh, and L.M.A.O. that 56 is "practically freezing" - people would be breaking out shorts and flip flops here! ;)

workinthatpreppy said...

here's the deal...i have two boys and a girl...seriously, intercourse early in your cycle...boys's sperm swim faster and girls' live longer....trust me...haha i was so on the fence because i had a boy and then a girl...i wanted 2 1/2 children. our third boy is keeping us young...

Anonymous said...

I am so glad you wrote about this everyone keeps asking me "are you guys done" why must you ask me this all the time? If we hit the lottery we are so not done, but who are we kidding. I do have the perfect little family with a boy then a girl and yes it is so fun buying all those cute clothes. If you really feel the need to buy something oh so cute because we all know you have wonderful taste she wears 24mths!

Then there is a little problem of getting preggo see I would need to know pretty far in advanced about that whole winning so I could have the baby soon after, it takes me forever to get pregnant. Try 2mths of "oh this is fun" then 10mths of "this is getting on my nerves" then finally 2 lines. I am just glad my girlfriend will pop hers out at any moment I can borrow him for a while.

Joy

Traci said...

P.S- what the hell is Chick-fil-A?

Jazz said...

I love baby names too! I thought I was the only one nuts enough to make that my primary reason for wanting more kids! LOL!

Deb said...

I miss Chick-Fil-A.

I'll have another one if you will. I have the name all picked out, too. I'll admit my girl name is better than the boy name, but I'd rather have another boy, because I'd rather clean up pee around the toilet than worry about pregnancy. Hmm... which is ironic... since we're talking about pregnancy...