Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Troll Trap

(Sorry, you got here too late to see the best of the drama. I have been in email negotiations with the former troll and I've decided that we're going to set her free by deleting her photos. I cannot explain her actions but I do believe she is genuinely apologetic and the punishment has gone on long enough. Now let's all move along, folks)

So, I set a little troll trap and our stupid troll stumbled right into it. Poor troll. I almost felt bad for it. I figured out who she was through a combination of sheer luck, her own stupidity and my geniusness (oh and a little help from a new friend).

I was even talking to LK about her this morning and I said that this really must be a pathetic individual. I also decided that if she never commented again, I'd let her go. If she commented with something stupid, I'd bust her. If she commented on my children, I would publicly humiliate her like the piece of human crap that she is.

But Ashley...what if it isn't her?

It is her. I have undeniable, irrefutable proof that it is her.

Her IP address has been at my site within 3-5 minutes of every nasty comment that has been left and then came back at least a dozen times after each nasty comment to read the comment page. The real lucky break was when I was over at the new Mama Drama Uncensored blog and was reading the comments. What do I see but a comment that says "your blog sucks ass" all lowercase like our lazy troll, with said troll's photo as the avatar. Fascinating.

So I emailed the Drama mama and said if it wasn't difficult to do, could she get me that commenter's IP address and pointed out that it was a real coincidence that we would both have someone whose favorite phrase is "your blog sucks ass" and who is unable to capitalize. She said it was super easy to do with Wordpress and that the comments themselves are labeled with IP numbers, unlike my statcounter where it is a guessing game based on times.

So she got it to me and yep, same person! Then this person posted right after me on a Babycenter thread (with that same photo as her avatar) and I got another troll comment within a couple of minutes of that, with her IP address. Ironically, she later posted on another Babycenter thread right behind me saying that she didn't like the drama and that the drama queens have taken over the board...ha ha fucking ha. LOSER.

It was like a criminal who couldn't stay away from the scene of the crime. She made it so obvious...and so easy, but I still wanted to give her a little more rope to hang herself with. Wouldn't you know that she slipped the noose over her head all by herself today?

She commented that I obviously don't love Big Kid since I talk so much shit about him and I obviously write what I'm feeling. Well, Manisha (perfect troll name, by the way, we couldn't have come up with something better even if we had tried) for someone who has read just about every page of my blog...I think you would know that it is little kid that I'm always talking shit about. And that I love every naughty inch of him.

So here she is...Manisha the Troll. Manisha, don't start screaming libel because you only have a case if someone is spreading lies and I have proof. I also have a lawyer in the family. You are as smart as your writing indicates, my friend.

(Deleted photo)

For anyone that thinks this is mean of me....don't fuck with my kids. EVER. Even if you fuck with me, I'll usually let it slide but the second you bring the kids into it, It's on like Donkey Kong (that phrase is actually compliments of our last troll).

Also, public service announcement here...don't use the same screen name you use on Babycenter on every other forum you belong to. A quick google search brings up photos of you and your husband, your last name, home town, your age and birthday, the highschool you graduated from, the make of car you drive, your love of guppies and your inability to hold a job. Oh, it also led me to your blog...which sucks ass. Really, it does. I understand your bitterness. Well, no I don't, because I'm not insane but I guess I could see how my success would drive you insane with jealousy.

Time to find another blog that sucks ass my friend!! Maybe you should spend more time on your own!

P.S. The ONLY reason I didn't use your last name too, so that any time anyone googled your name they would instantly know what a lame ass soul you are, is because Mr. Ashley told me not to. You're lucky I'm a better person than you are. Oh, and I see you've already been back several times to check the reactions to your last comment...I love thinking of how surprised you'll be to find out that THOUSANDS of people have a face to put with the stupidity now.

56 comments:

Jennifer said...

Ashley, I've seen a lot of drama in my day but this is by far the funniest shit, ever. You should have titled this one "Boo-Ya"! If you are in Atlanta look me up because I owe you a drink for this laugh.

trishasboys said...

After her last comment, I almost corrected her that it was Little Kid not Big Kid you always talked about.

For the record, I check your blog several times a day because I find you so stinkin funny. I even go to the BB to check it out when you mention your involved there. I guess that makes me a stalker too, but in a fan kind of way!!

Way to go finding out who the troll is!!

Trisha

Catfish said...

That's just what I thought she looked like!!! OK can we ignore her now? She's making it smell funny in here.

Manisha said...

Am I sad you found me out? Not really. Should I have put my name on my anonymous comments, probably, but it doesn't change the fact that I still think you are sad for being so attention seeking. Do I think you saying stuff about the "Jews" is wrong? I do. And yes I think it's wrong to talk so shittily (is that a word) about your child especially making fun of him, less one day he find out about your blog. So remember, before I said something about your son, which wasn't even hateful in the first place, you did first.

But it's your blog, whatever.

I actually took some free time last night to read your entire blog, less I be wrong about saying your blog sucks ass. And you know what? The blog wasn't as sucky as I thought it was. Yes I did feel a bit for some people, but that's because I have a heart (most of the time). So again, good detective work, I am flattered it meant that much to you to seek me out. Providing you weren't such an asshole I would probably have eventually admitted to leaving the anonymous comment leaver AND to reading your blog, and MAYBE even admitting you were a little witty and entertaining, but darn, ya busted me. And I still stand by the fact that you don't want your family to find out about your blog because you are afraid to be judged and you know down deep inside your tiny little soul, that it's wrong to talk about people like that.

Oh and thank you for putting that picture of my huge boobies up there! You rock!

Lemme sign this one for you.

~Gretchen~ said...

ashley, tell mama. she'd be proud.

Kate said...

The audacity of a some people! I read daily and have never once thought you to be anything but a devoted and loving mother. Bento box lunches? Valentine parties? Your children are very lucky to have you.

Smoochiefrog said...

Girl, remind me NEVER to cross you!

the overkill killer said...

NICE! Too bad you already used the blog title

FATTY FATTY TWO BY FOUR

for the post about your pup...

That would have been perfect for Manisha!

Smoochiefrog said...

And you're right. I didn't think any blog could suck more than mine does, but hers totally does!

Manisha said...

Oh BTW Ms. Ashley, All that shit you pulled up on google is relatively old my dear. I do have a blog but all the really juicy stuff is password protected, so you are out of luck. I did that for little drama whores like you. And can I say, I was truly disappointed that you didn't have any pictures of yourself on your blog, the one I did see showed you somewhat porky from behind, so call me fat all you want. And I think I know better than to say something bad about someone's children so go ahead and get lawyer poo on the phone.

I am still having a problem seeing your "success" because if I did I would surely admit defeat. Just because you have a few babycenter gals who read your blog on a daily basis does not spell success.

So lets use another phrase from the 90's, it's all good, and I am not exactly sure why you would think I am jealous of, you really don't have anything for me to be jealous of. But thanks though.

kelly bee said...

wow! that is a heap of drama!

Rebecca said...

Yeah Ashley!!! A freaking Bloggie nomination doesn't spell success. Who do you think you are? Perez? The Pioneer Woman??

Oh, wait. They are nominated too. Guess maybe you are pretty good....

CATFISH (I'M YELLING A LITTLE) said...

OOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGG! Seriously?! People start blogs to write whatever they please, read it and think what you will. Move ON if you don't like it and quit trying to contaminating the unbridled story telling that Ashley does so well. If reading it doesn't bring you joy go find something that does. The reason why this blog has become so successful and loved by so many, is because it's enjoyable and gives everyone an outlet, to laugh, to escape, to vicariously live through the vivid stories told here everyday. I come here because it makes me happy, why do you come here? (DON'T answer that out loud, say it to yourself--I'm tired of hearing from you--I come here to hear from Ashley)

Anonymous said...

Poor girl, she's in denial of being seriously busted. I think a better term for Ashley is the troll has been OWNED!

Ooooh the troll has another password protected blog....oOooohhh. Like anyone cares. Whoopty-do.

carrie said...

It's "lest" he find out about your blog, not "less." Just saying.

Anonymous said...

Geesh. This week it's just one let down after another in Ashley's closet.

The anonymous troll was lame. But the real person behind the troll just makes me sad. So so pathetic.

I feel dirty just witnessing the train wreck.

ps. note to self: Ask Ashley next time you need to track someone down. Detective work kicked butt!

Carrie Sue said...

Ha! You go girl!

Mitch said...

Wow! I had to come out of lurkdom for that one. Too funny! Thanks for making my day a little funnier.

Teri said...

WTH?! You don't mess with someone's kiddies big lady.

ITA with Ashley and the ladies, your hubby would find me totally hot and my hubby thinks your boobies are gross. I think his exact words were... FUGLY.

Backing out of the drama now :)

As always, great blog Ashley.

Buttercup said...

Manisha,
Since you are willing to play can you help me understand why one(aka You) would feel the need to repeatedly post comments? I have been wondering if Mrs. Ashley had hurt you personally or if you just pick random blogs to comment on? Inquiring minds want to know.

Please Oh Manisha
Tell me why?

Joy said...

OMG that is so f'ing funny that you found her. The fact she took the time to read your entire blog holy hell how much time does she have on her hands I am gone for one or two days and I can barely catch up.

I admit to checking your blog multiple times a day seriously it keeps me going on most days especially today when oldest is home from school sick, youngest is being bratty, it's is rainy, and hubby won't be home til at least 7.

I realize you love your kids I just love that you have the balls to tell it like it is. I wish I knew you in real life but then again if I did I wouldn't know about your blog.

Dawn said...

Oh wow... why am I shocked? I guess its because I knew her from the January 04 board, damn Manisha thats uhhh fucked up!!!!

Ashley= inspector gadget :) lol

The Intoxicated Mollusc said...

My husband doesn't enjoy bungee jumping, therefore he would have no use for those pendulums you refer to as boobs.

Such a sad person. Trolls suck!

Amanda R. said...

I too check your blog several times a day Ashley! I love reading your blog, and obviously lots of others do too. Manisha quit being such a hater you fugly biatch!

JC said...

OH MY GOD! This is great. So funny. Excellent sleuthing.

Couple points to make on the troll:

"I still think you are sad for being so attention seeking."
- who is the one seeking attention and where did she learn grammar? Having a blog doesn't equal attention seeking behavior. And even if it does, you have a blog as well.

"shittily (is that a word)"
- Is that a question? No, it's not a word.

"I actually took some free time last night to read your entire blog..."
- It's nice that you finally did your research.

"...it's wrong to talk about people like that."
- But, yet, it's not wrong to tell people that they suck ass?

"Oh and thank you for putting that picture of my huge boobies up there! You rock!"
- That picture makes you look like a whore.

jenmarie702 said...

Holy smokes. Manisha makes me laugh...although kinda that sympathy laugh. Not the real laugh like your blog does...several times a day. I love it here, I really do. You are the best!!!

Amanda R. said...

I also wanted to add...that picture of MANisha is seriously making me throw up in my mouth a little! YUCK!

Ned said...

I don't even know what to say!

Anonymous said...

i knew i remembered the name manisha. she has a little cutie son who's the same age as my big kid. btw, not a troll, never use shift key, don't think your blog sucks ass.

Anonymous said...

I've never laughed so hard!
Gotta love the bh board!

Anonymous said...

I just saw those ham hocks she calls boobs and I barfed all over my keyboard. I really did.

Manisha the troll owes me a new keyboard. Too bad she can't hold down a job long enough to afford one!

Anonymous said...

LMFAO. This give a whole new meaning to the word BUSTed. This is some funny shit!!! I'm a new fan :)

TrollsSuck said...

Why oh why would you wear a low cut blouse if your titties were so saggy they were brushing the tops of your feet? Why oh why would you post photos of those nasty ass, tattooed, skanky slabs of meat on the internet?
That alone is proof of her insanity.

ali said...

wow
what a creep

John said...

What a fugly cow, and it seems, stupid as well. Remember, don't feed the troll and it won't come back. I found your site through the bloggie voting, it's excellent. Where's manshita's nomination?

jr

PINK POPPY said...

Ditto to Catfish's sentiments.

Becky said...

OMG I can't stop laughing! Ham hocks for boobiez...that's fucking hilarious!

Ashley, I love your blog! Thanks for the laughs every day! I think we should take up a collection so MANisha can get that trashy boobie tat removed. It's like a train wreck; I just can't stop looking at it.

jennifer said...

damn. snap. love it ash! You're an awesome mama! I was gonna say mama-bear, but that more resembles your dear troll.

AFRo said...

Okay. I seriously cannot say anything here other than I just peed my pants laughing at this.

Momma2Cameron said...

LMFAO!

Anonymous said...

I bet she could put her nipple in her belly button....

Harmony said...

I am new to your blog, and wanted to let “Manisha” know…that it was only through your fame (since I am not a member of a mommy board) that I was able to come across this "KICK" ass blog. I feel bad for her; she is in deep denial.

charlie said...

LMAO. Now I know what a real live troll looks like. Hope you feel better about yourself manwhatthefuckeveryournameis.

Rachel said...

Wow. Some people need to learn when to cut their losses and RUN the other way. BTW, who's the attention whore now?

~Denise said...

OMG - I heart Ashley. Seriously, when are you opening up the detective agency? That's a skill I'm learning well on the BH board!!

Anonymous said...

HA!! Manny LIVES!! Sorry IT is affecting you :-/

P.A.T.H.E.T.I.C

Terri said...

oh my gosh; this has provided me with some major entertainment over the last few days. Thank you Ashley and thank you troll.

btw in case this was a big ploy to get more votes; I did vote for you, so it worked! lol.

Mama Bear said...

Manisha, to borrow from Happy Bunny,
"You're Ugly and that makes me Sad"

Seriously, get a life. Harrassing people on the internet? That's something I would have done in 8th grade, maybe 9th, but I think i was too mature by then.

NEVER mess with a woman's kids!

A Small Dessert Snack! said...

Karma is a Bitch Manny and Ashley Rocks for Calling you out!

FunnyGal KAT said...

Funny how mean the troll was when she could be anonymous (telling you your blog sucks) and how quickly she shaped up when she was identified (whoops! I re-read your blog and everyone was right, it IS funny)

Always nice to see karma at work.

Jason in houston said...

OMG!!! She lives in Houston, I live in Houston!! See it is troll's like this that give us a bad name.

Ashley I read your blog everyday, thanks for the laughs and great escape from the everyday grind. I am making sure to give you a vote everyday. Keep up the great work.

lyndakay916 said...

ISN'T ANYONE GOING TO POINT OUT THAT SHE'S REALLY A MAN?!?!

Anonymous said...

She's a woman. She lives for drama. She has done this crap so many times before that most people just laugh when her name comes up. It's sad. I could care less that she's fat, it has nothing to do with being a person who desperately needs mental help. I hope for her sake and Ricky's that she gets it. Otherwise she's a train wreck waiting to happen.

Stacy D said...

Ashley...for this post alone....I think I love you! Can't wait to read more.
Stacy

Redneck Mommy said...

Aw, thank the good Lawd for the bloggies and finding you. Yer a gem.

I love it.

Adiel said...

Wow, this sounds oh so similar to what is starting to happen on my blog. Only problem is I personally know my troll. She is so obsessed with me! I'm starting to feel like my life is turning into the movie Wicker Park!