Monday, January 14, 2008

Sweet Jesus

Big Kid has been talking for 5 hours and 20 minutes. I swear to you, not one full minute has passed in silence. I finally had to go lock myself in the bathroom for fear of hurting myself or others.

Right now he is talking about the Wii and it is totally boring, who cares kind of crap but every freaking thing requires a response. I am losing my patience with him. Actually, I think I lost it back at Loehmann's.

Do not, I repeat, do not try to go underwear shopping with a 4 year old and a toddler who lives to terrorize you. Good God. What was I thinking?

little kid grabbed at everything we passed, threw stuff out of the stroller and pulled things off of racks.

Big Kid hid in the racks, asked a million questions, suggested various outfits and undies, and talked the entire time. We had the following conversation about bras:

Big Kid: Dat's makeup. Dat's what Dat fing is (pointing to a bra).
Ashley: (laughing) No it is not, that's underwear.
Big Kid: It's not undawears because undawears go on your BUTT! It's MAKEUP.
Ashley: (annoyed) Shhhh. No. That is a bra. It is a type of underwear. Trust me.
Big Kid: No, undawears go on YOUR BUTT. Makeup is dor gruls, dat is makeup.

At this point someone nearby looked at him and giggled, so then he had to say it over and over again, 9 million times. I tried to bribe him with a milkshake if he behaved and then I had to hear about the freaking milkshake for the rest of the afternoon.

Then he talked the whole way home.

I am not sure if this is a safety hazard or not, I'm guessing so, but I think I need headphones for the car and today confirmed it. First of all, the incessant talking is a big distraction. Secondly, I'm not able to listen to Howard Stern with Big Kid the Brain in the car. This is a major problem. We pay for Sirius satellite radio so I can listen to Howard. I can't listen at home because of a lot of reasons (the kids, poor reception, laziness, inconvenience) so the car is my only fix. Something's got to give and since Big Kid can't be quiet, I really don't think headphones are an unreasonable idea. I doubt I could hear sirens over him either, I just make sure I look in the rearview a lot.

He has talked the entire time I have typed this. I don't even know what he's talking about now. I think I'm going to go take a bath. I'm reading "The Pillars of Earth", so I've needed lots of bath time lately. The length and frequency of my baths directly corresponds to the length and interesting-ness of my latest book, and this is a long one that's looking like it will be good.

I did get new undies by the way. I went the cute, lacy, boy short route because A.) I'm too old and married for thongs B.) They make my butt look round C.) They are reasonably comfortable. Buh-bye Hanes Her Ways.

And buh-bye to you for now, I'll be back later. I figure if I stay in the bath for at least one hour, Big Kid will be in bed by the time I get out. God willing.


AFRo said...

So you can actually do the boy cut thing? Do they not irk the crap out of you as the thong would most certainly do?

Unknown said...

As usual, Big Kid cracks me up. I have to say, though, his, ahem, stubbornness of opinion is well beyond his years. SS#1 makes me want to run and hide in the bathroom because I can't tell him ANYTHING. He is ALWAYS right. My new mantra is "dancing pig". As in "You shouldn't try to teach a pig to dance. You just get dirty and it annoys the pig."

Amy said...

At least you have a Loehmann's. I live in Nashville, Land of the Lost, Sad, and Unfashionable if you are a shopper.

Big Kid just kills me! I have a Brain too that cuts into my car music. I swear he understands every single word of every song. Can be a real problem.

Deb said...

I need to hear about the boy short experience after you've had them for a few days. My own experience is that they're just that much more material creeping where a thong would normally go.

I'm delighted my kid only says "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" right now.

Lynda Kay said...

I agree w/ the "boy-cut" undies-they make your butt (& mine!) look rounder in all the right places and as for what someone said about them being uncomfortable-only if you get the wrong brand. Like a thong, the right brand/cut can be very comfortable & flattering.

P.S. I know what you're really doing when you hide in the bathroom..

Anonymous said...

I just recently read Pillars of the Earth, and then World Without End. EXCELLENT! Both are so long that you can't help but get totally involved, and really take a vested interest in the characters and what happens to them. I found myself wishing, even after a thousand pages, that the book wouldn't end.