Friday, January 25, 2008

Dear Salon Patron,

I just wanted to point out that it is rude to stare. Also, almost everyone you'll ever encounter in the civilized world has figured out the concept of mirrors...and can see you staring at them in them.

We all look at each other, as women we can't help it. But out and out staring is inappropriate, especially at a salon for heaven's sake.

Maybe you've never seen long, curly hair brushed out and crowned with foils? I thought maybe this was why you were staring (because it is a sight) but every time I held your gaze for a moment waiting for you to smile, say something and/or look away, you just kept staring. Also, you weren't looking so hot yourself, with your head wrapped in cotton and dark brown slimy stuff dripping around your hair line, so you had no business staring at me and my wild 'do.

I know that I do have a tendency to make a spectacle of myself and hold court around there, but today was pretty tame. I turned down wine in favor of my poisoned McD's Coke and The Gay One was out of the building, so he wasn't even around to talk books with me until I was walking out the door.

My hair dresser and I were involved in one of our fascinating, animated conversations and you were probably just surprised to see us discussing the social dynamic of the feudal system and the awesomeness of the architectural details of ancient castles and cathedrals...but everyone knows that you either have to speak up and join in on the conversation or that you're supposed to eavesdrop while pretending to look at a magazine.

Everyone except you, I guess.

I wasn't being loud either, I did several volume checks while trying to figure out what the hell your deal is. You didn't even smile when the assistant asked my hairdresser why she never put me under the dryer and she responded that it was because she knew I didn't want to go home any sooner than I had to. Everyone else thought it was funny, but there you sat, staring.

Weirdo.

I'm just trying to help you get a clue. I consider it my duty to rid the world of the socially retarded, one freak at a time. I do think there is hope for you, but we need to know exactly what the problem is first.

Please, help us help you.

Sincerely,
Ashley

4 comments:

Jennifer said...

Hmm... You think she was the one to poison your drink and she was just waiting on you to pass out so that she could rob you or molest you?

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Carrie Sue said...

LOL! But you know what, I have this one friend who is blind as a bat and everyone thinks she is so rude because she doesn't wave hi to them or acknowledge them when they are driving by... but she is honestly blind and has no idea other people think she is a stuck up freak. So hopefully she wasn't as rude as she appeared.

Traci said...

OMG- the label in this one truly made me LOL.. usually I just LOTI.

I do hope you don't die.
Maybe you drank some of the stuff they use to clean the machine.. won't kill you, but you may spend some extra time in the potty.. alone.
Bring a book.