Tuesday, January 1, 2008

'Splain Please

Why, oh why, do toy manufacturers make toy packaging capable of surviving nuclear warfare?

As someone who has opened about 9 trillion toy packages in the last week or so, I can assure you that they all do it. Little People's Noah's Ark takes the cake though. I counted 18 of those twist tie wire things and don't even get me started on the labyrinth of cardboard. That sucker would indeed make it through a flood. Does each piece need to be attached to the boat AND to the box? Did Noah need to be secured horizontally and vertically? Geez Louise people.

I have to accomplish this impossible task of untwisting these twisty ties and ripping through thick cardboard while I have a toddler jibbering loudly and impatiently and pulling at the toys and with a 4 year old breathing down my neck, because although he chose this toy as a gift for his little brother, he really just wanted to get his hands on it himself. I talked him out of a science set, a telescope and a drum set and was suspicious when he decided on the Little People set, since he is a big fan of Little People himself, but he was adamant that this was what he was going to get his "bubba" because he knew he would "wuv" it. They've been fighting over it ever since I freed it from the confines of it's cardboard and twisty tie prison.

I don't know if I told you all or not but Big Kid did indeed get me a book about Penguins. He insisted it be from the children's section and could not be swayed by fictional books or illustrated books. "Dat's not what I was tinking. I had sumtin else in mind," he would say about anything Mr. Ashley would suggest. They finally enlisted an employee for help and he found the perfect book. A nonfiction children's book about penguins.

Then he decided that he knew what little kid wanted to get me and guess what that was?? A dolphin book! Much to his dismay, they couldn't find a suitable dolphin book and had to settle for a book about Dolphins & Whales. When I expressed my excitement over Dolphins AND Whales he instantly became sad and told me whales were not what he had in mind and I should ignore the whales. Because little kid didn't want to get me a book about whales, just about dolphins. Yay me, huh?

He got Mr. Ashley a shower radio so they can listen to the radio while showering. little kid got him a keychain that beeps if you whistle for it, but Big Kid's squeaky voice sets it off, so we're going to have to get rid of that thing.

While we're discussing Christmas loot can I point out the clear link between toy manufacturers and battery companies? There's got to be a referral fee or some sort of kickback because I REALLY don't see why the SmartCycle should run on batteries. Of course Big Kid left his on and instantly ran the batteries down and D batteries are hard to come by around these parts.

And I discovered this last year, but shame on V-tech for not including a power adapter with their video game console. Gee...pay $10 for the power cord or pay $10 to put new batteries in it every month? What video game console doesn't come with a power cord? That's just an obvious rip-off right there.

I'm also tired of battery covers for toys needing to be taken off with a screwdriver. Isn't there a better way to child-proof these things? It's just too much work.

I spent today trying to assimilate all of the new Christmas loot into our environment. The amount of stuff we have is just overwhelming. Mr. Ashley thinks we need to get rid of some things but I think we just need a bigger house. It's a good thing I have pages of lists dedicated to organization in my new software program. Now if I could just get around to doing any of it...

I hope you all had a great New Year holiday. I love the hopefulness of a New Year!

10 comments:

Renee said...

Next year, I'm totally going to use that idea from the December Family Fun mag - the mom buys a bunch of stuff (toys, CDs, whatever) and sets up a Mommy Store, and the kids get to take turns shopping at the Mommy Store for their silbings. All items are pre-approved and reasonably priced. I like the idea of my kids (I have 4, for those of you who don't know me) giving each other presents on Christmas and their birthdays, but coordinating the separate shopping trips is just too challenging. I might even get started on buying stuff for the Mommy Store now...that part sounds really fun.

Sasha said...

We de-toyed yesterday and shoved a million babyish things over to our neighbors, who will be having a new baby this year. The Wild Child's bday is tomorrow, so I know it will be back to the way it was before I de-toyed, but it was nice for 2 days.....

Agreed on the craziness that is toy packaging. I heard that most of the ER visits on Christmas Eve/Day are due to injuries sustained while opening clamshell packaging.....

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

I think there's an underpaid bitter man in a factory in the middle of nowhere who is laughing his ass off as he packages the toys with double twist ties and screws.

Hellooooo Gorgeous said...

have you seen the tool thing that is used to open those really heavy duty plastic packags? you know the packaging that takes a pair of scissors & a sharp knife & pilers to open.... well there is a gadget to eliminate all that but get this... the gadget is in one of those darn hard to open packages... its ridiculous.

Deb said...

Ohhh... those EFFING twist ties!! I have a Little People zoo or something or other still sitting in its packaging, because I REFUSE to wrangle another 2,323 EFFING twist ties.

Jazz said...

Oh my God, yes. I freeking HATE those heavy duty plastic packages. Steel would be easier to get into! I almost lost an eye AND a finger this Xmas!

I need to seek out that tool!

Monogram Momma said...

OH no, my friend. Trust me, you haven't seen ANYTHING yet. Just WAIT until your kids get into the PLaymobil stuff. HA! Start assembling now!

Cake said...

After DS's first Christmas, I started taking all toys out of the package (and removing the 1 million twist ties and the SCREWS, have you gotten to those yet) and putting them back in, batteries installed, before wrapping them.

It made the last three Christmas mornings SO much better (I have video evidence).

Homeland Security could take a lesson from Fisher Price. ;)

ElleBee said...

Oh my...I SO echo EVERYONE'S sentiments about those freakin' blasted twisty wire-thingies. UGH!

Janice said...

Hellllloooo? Forget the twisties, how about how annoying and useless the noah's boat is?!!?