It is not appropriate to be running a backhoe at 9:45 on a Wednesday night. There's just no reason for it. You've been making racket over there all day long, doing God knows what, and it is time to be done for the day.
Also, our house is not that small. I KNOW that your house is 5000 square feet because you tell me every single time I see you. No need to make inferences about the size of my home like you do. I get it, you have a McMansion. Congrats on that.
Furthermore, I don't feel like I should have to address you as Mrs. Ashley's Neighbor. I called you by your first name that one time and you corrected me! Your husband introduced himself by his first name, it's weird for you to insist that I call you Mrs.
While we're on the subject of names, my name is NOT Allison. It is Ashley. I believe I have corrected you on this, as has my husband, and I'm kind of thinking that it is some sort of passive aggressive retaliation for me calling you by your first name.
I know that you sold us the land and I do appreciate it. Really I do. However, you no longer have rights. I'm sorry to hear you wouldn't have sold it to us if you knew we were going to build a deck because decks breed snakes. I kind of thought snakes came with living in the woods of a tropical climate, but I am not educated on the matter as you obviously are. I'm sorry I brought the snakes to Florida and that you sold the land to me.
Speaking of the land, I can't afford to pay $10,000 to take every single tree off like you did. I know you want me to, I've heard you mention it once or twice or maybe three times. I know it would cost $10,000 because you've told me. More than once. I'm also aware that snakes like trees. I guess. If you say so. Perhaps you'd like to make a charitable contribution?
Speaking of charitable contributions, if you leave an unmarked package on my doorstep the day I bring a baby home, with no note or indication of where it is from...I might forget the thank you note. If this happens, it would make me very uncomfortable if you yelled at me from your yard (which is hundreds of feet away from mine) that I forgot to thank you. Sorry about that...you forgot to tell me it was from you. I was also a little bit busy.
And about the kids...I know you think I don't take them outside enough. You mortified me at Jason's Deli when it was the first thing you said to me upon our awkward encounter and then you told my husband and then I think you even told my mom when you had a business transaction together.
I think it's interesting that you think so, since you don't even live there and all. This is your weekend/season/other coast home (thus the beeping smoke detector I put up with for weeks)...perhaps I take them out when you're not watching? Perhaps I take them elsewhere and we go out there? Perhaps they are wild animals that don't deserve to go out? Thankssomuchforyourconcern.
If that thing doesn't stop backing up and making that horrendous beeping sound and those grinding noises, I am going to stomp right over there (read: send Mr. Ashley right over there) and raise some holy hell. If you wake up little kid, I'm sending him.
Screw You, You Suck, Sincerely,