Thank you everyone for tolerating Sob it Up Saturday.
I know that I have a great life and promising things on the horizon and that there are children without arms in Darfur. At least I have a nice husband, at least I have two gorgeous kids, at least I own real estate (gulp), at least I had my rising star moment, at least I realize what will come next.
The swift kick in the balls from Reality took my breath away for a minute there, along with the realization that I passed bikini/mini skirt phase and passed maternity clothes/baby clothes phase and I am Officially a Grown Up with Bills and Responsibilities...Too Late To Get Off the Rollercoaster, with the landscape rushing by quickly, and it does kind of suck and doesn't necessarily go as planned and all of those grown ups, all along the way, were actually right.
"I can't wait to get out of school, I want a job and my own stuff and my own money."
"Just wait, you'll have bills and the same monotonous job everyday forever and it won't be what you thought."
"My life will be different. You are just old and miserable and have forgotten how very difficult and very stressful it is to be young. You don't even know the stress. The pressure."
"Yes, we will see. I can't wait."
Ha ha freakin' ha.
Yeah, you get to eat ice cream for dinner if you want...but the rest of this adulthood gig is tough. Some days seem tougher than others.
I really appreciate all of the touching comments. It's nice that you're all just as supportive and interested in non-funny Ashley and it's nice to be able to get it all out here and hear that others get it.
It was just a "come to Jesus" moment with Reality Check Ashley and the intervention/redirection took me by surprise.
It had to happen though and now I Know.
Okay, pity party over. Time for NLP:RD Ashley to step in and manage (aka make lists for) the redirect and get us settled into this grown up business, once and for all.
I'll be back with fun stuff soon.
Ashley, I love the non funny Ashley ever as much as I love the funny Ashley.
I am in crisis mode at the moment, my DH got fired from his job of 10 years on Tuesday and I am in a tailspin. I'm depressed, crying all of the time and I don't know what to do with myself.
I'm scared shitless that we'll be living in a shanty on the west side of town with vinal flooring, panelled walls, and dirty rent house carpet. Let's not forget ugly colored formica in the kitchen complete with grease stains on the wall above the stove from fried pork chops.
I have been having a hard time finding my normal self. I'm sorry to hear that you are also having some rough stuffs. I will tell you what I tell myself, "This Too Shall Pass." It isn't helping me yet. But I'm going to keep saying it until it does.
I heart thought provoking Ashley too!
Awww, Holly!!!! Sorry to hear that!!
It didn't feel like a pity party. It felt like one of those moments where you realize we all have heartaches and sometimes they are easier to hide than others. It was one of your best posts.
Ashley--I love you. Seriously, in the most non-creepy-non-stalkerish way possible. You are able to put into words the thoughts tumbling around in my mind. My thoughts frequently tumble...I have 5 kids, so rarely is there room in my mind for coherent thoughts...well, I often think about drinking myself into oblivion...but then all of my kids would take over and things wouldn't be pretty. I digress.
Your post was hardly a pity party...you eloquently expressed what every mother goes thru at some point...whether it's mourning the gender of child they will never have or just mourning the fact they are done having children. As ecstatic as I am to be done with diapers, late night feedings and pregnancy induced reflux, I still miss the sweet smell of a newborn...and the way a newborn's tiniest movement, expression or grunt can make your heart swell with love.
Ah well, there are always grandchildren...sometime in the waaaayyy distant future (I have teenaged girls and I'd rather not be a grandmother at 35)...
Thanks again for putting into words what so many of us feel. It's always nice to know we're not the only ones that feel that way (cause God knows my husband looks at me like I'm insane when I talk about missing having a newborn around!).
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