Friday, April 4, 2008


I come home after countless hours of back-breaking manual garage sale related labor to all kinds of interesting comments!

First off, can I say that I can almost guaran-damn-tee that I made more in an hour at my last job than I'll make at this garage sale. I did make a lot, but I'm just sayin'...the work to profit ratio is not cool. It's not about the profit though Ashley, it's about the clutter. It's about the clutter.

(I do like money though)

I wasn't going to post tonight but after a comment day like this one, I just must! I love good comment days like today.

First of all, whoever said whatever about kittens with tape on their feet and going to take the pantyhose off the dog's head...that was some funny shit. You made me LOL.

I was also interested to see that we all pretty much agree that a woman having a baby, even if said woman is dressed like a man, has chest hair and enlarged girly bits, is NOT world breaking news. It's just not.

The question of why someone in a Lesbian relationship would decide to become a man and why someone attracted to women would embrace that, is a really good point. I also question their shout it from the rooftops mentality, and yeah I heard them about telling their story themselves. Personally, I'd shut myself in the house for 10 months and give my kid a normal life. But I'm an introvert like that.

Also interesting in the comments is that an anonymous commenter left the oh so insightful two word phrase, "He's autistic" on my post about little kid's tendency to shriek like a wild animal vs. communicate. A smart commenter left a truly insightful post on autism and what a total moron said anonymous commenter was (not her words, I'm editorializing a little.)

I took it as a Hit & Run Hater comment, because not only is it ridiculous in and of itself, it would certainly be an unhelpful way to offer one's opinion. That's why I wasn't even going to bother to respond with a comment, but now that it's making for good conversation I'll go ahead and do so.

I can assure everyone that little kid is not autistic. I can make no such promises about demonic possession or sociopathic tendencies, but he's not autistic.

I'm a little bit smart about the whole autistic thing because it's been on my radar with Big Kid for a long time. They say there is a spectrum and there's a definite possibility that if so, he'd be in the shallow end of that spectrum.

We've always called him Rainman. I prefer to just think of it as extremely intelligent and creative with an extra helping of Quirkiness. I think we used to just call those people geniuses, now we have to know what's "wrong" with them.

So he washes his hands 80 times a day and lines stuff up obsessively, one day he's going to rob you blind at Blackjack.

I know autism is a REAL thing, no doubt, but it's also the new favorite buzzword. It's the new black, and no that's not racist.

And for all those concerned that I was truly worried about little kid's lack of speech, I'm not. Big Kid was a late talker too and I know, oh good Lord do I know, that once he does start using words it won't be a whole lot better than the shrieking and some days I'll want to go back.

Also, I've tried with the sign language thing. Big Kid was a master at it, little kid just stares at me and screams. Whatever. We'll get it all down one of these days.

My basic parenting philosophy is that if it probably won't be a problem by the time they graduate college, then it's nothing I need to worry about a whole lot now.

Okay, I can't believe I just typed all that out as tired as I am.

I haven't even been drinking. I mean I am now, but I just started.

I have to be at my mom's at 7am tomorrow morning. That means I'll have to wake up at 6:50 IN THE MORNING. Holy shit. To haggle with people over my junk in the hopes of making a few bucks.

I saw a shirt the other day that said, "I'll be blogging about this", I should so have that for tomorrow. Or maybe something that says, "You're dealing with someone slightly unstable, therefore if you curse, spit near me, or throw things at me, I might just go motherfucking ape shit on your ass"...or is that too long?

(once again, not racist. Normally I wouldn't even clarify, but after the LeBron controversy, I'm covering all my bases.)

Wish me luck.



"I might go Motherfucking apeshit on your ass" made me LOL hard. You crack me up.

I need to have a garage/yard sale. Any tips/hints (from you or BK).

Anonymous said...

Good luck with the garage sale. My mom and I had one last summer. It was such hard work, but we sold our crap for rock bottom prices. Don't let them bargain during the morning hours when all the crazies are out at the garage sales. Wait till your ready to close up shop then give your crap away for nickels and dimes so you don't have to pack it up and bring it home. :)

AFRo said...

Mr. AFRo and I LOVED the Little Kid post!!!

I'm not even going to ask the question that is looming on my mind about tomorrow, but if you think hard about what I want to be when I grow up, you'll know exactly what I'm wondering.

Glad you clarified the whole racist thing... specially after mentioning apeshit in the tee shirt... you know. It' important to CYA on that kind of thing.

Hope you've got the tequila ready!!!

Life, Love And Lola said...

I DOUBLE DOG DARE Anonymous to strap on a set of balls, state your name, and tell us what credentials you have that allows you to diaganose someones child over the internet!!

Good luck with your sale Ashley!

Ami said...

Crap! I've been away for a couple of days and missed all of this excitement around here. Off to read all of the comments!

Cinnamon said...

I need one of those shirts too, lol. Good Luck today! And I promise to start reading comments since they hold some entertainment value.

Joy said...

Oh you should have soo gotten that shirt. I hope you are making some good money or at lease getting rid of all the crap.

I also wonder why every kid that has a little quirkyness or is a little hyperactive needs some sort of pill. Everything needs a diagnosis these days. Then they feel better when the child can be "labeled" with this disease.

My oldest also use to line his toys up and would obsess over weird things I would joke and say he was OCD, but never rushed him to the Dr to get a pill for it. Now at 5 he doesn't do it as much just obsesses over even more stupid things like when Transformers is coming on, as in he asks me 8,000 times between 7:45and 9:30am.

Jennifer said...

I was reading your recent posts last night and I seriously thought that the "He's autistic" comment was on the cat post and I wondered how cats could be autistic. It's amazing that you have a commenter talented enough to diagnose autism via the internet. Do you owe them a co-pay? Not to dog out your internet doctors but I'd get a second opinion. I have a four-year old who can rip you a new one fifty different ways but she's still the child of Satan and screeches like a banshee. Unless you have one of those children I guess you just don't understand it.

Good luck at your yard sale! You will probably make more money than you think.

Anonymous said...

If the Chore Whore ever did come back, tips/hints on a garage sale would be much appreciated. We desperately need to have one but I am so not motivated (and have never done one so I'm a bit unsure).

Jen said...

Can't wait to hear about your garage sale day. I HATE haggling with people who are so cheap, they want to pay 25 cents for something you ask $5 for. They make me mad and then I won't even entertain their moderate offer. I'm not a good garage sale person.
This ought to be good.

Tiffany said...

Hope your Yard Sale goes better than ours did - we got rained out before 10am! Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Damn garage sales, we had one today. WTF is with all the people screaming out the window w/their small babies (I'm talking little little) on their lap. Oh yeah, yelling out the window about the price of a carseat I have. $5!!! BUY IT you low life.
I hope you had a better time than I did. And the freakin' Florida sun...I was about to sweat my balls off...if I had them.

Melodie said...

Damn it! We were going to have a garage sale today, you know, since all of the old people and welfare people get their checks at the beginning of the month, but the forecast called for a 70% chance of rain, so we decided to wait until next weekend. Guess what? It still hasn't rained here yet! Damn Florida weather!

Melodie said...

Oh, yeah. I want both of those shirts, too.

Anonymous said...

OMG, I'm LMAO about this one:
You're dealing with someone slightly unstable, therefore if you curse, spit near me, or throw things at me, I might just go motherfucking ape shit on your ass.

You make the shirt, I'm buying it!!

Also, I agree with you on the anonymous, he's autistic comment. I used to teach special ed. and there's just too many mfers out there ready to label the world!! Those who know you know you weren't asking for advice. It was humorous and we appreciate it.

I have a burning question. Does girl crush know she's your girl crush? Just curious.

Anonymous said...

PS--I'd actually like a shortened version. I'd like the shirt to read:

You're dealing with someone slightly unstable, therefore if you talk to me, I might just go motherfucking ape shit on your ass.

Katie Ryan said...

my little girl didn't talk, not one word, until she was 2. She would scream or grunt. Now she talks so much it drives us up the wall (and she's in a special class for the "smart kids") I guess what I'm trying to say is you're right. DOn't worry about a thing. Everything is fine.

Unknown said...

Good thing you have internet doctor to diagnose your kids free of charge. There's a big difference between late talker/quirky kid and an autistic kid. My oldest is quirky and a late developer my middle kid is autistic.

Sasha said...

I so hate having garage sales. Just go ahead, take my stuff, toss me some quarters, and we'll all be ahead. In fact, garage sale patrons, just email me your address and I'll just bring my stuff over to your houses and drop it off for free- that would be better than sitting in my garage that is 10000 degrees hot and letting you all steal my stuff from under my nose.

KatBouska said... wore me out just with the re-cap, I can only imagine how YOU must feel! :)

jenn said...

Good luck with the garage sale. I'm usually so irritated with people wanting $20 items for a nickel that I swear to NEVER again have one. Five years later the crap quotient in my basement has risen to the level where I decide dumping it all on the driveway with price tags is a super idea again. Hey, once I made $900 dollars at one!

Anonymous said...

My two year old screams and screeches on a daily basis. It literally makes my ears bleed. He is the absolute opposite of my other two. He does know the word ass though and he can say "pank yo ass" so I'm totally not worried that he is behind at all. He even gives it a little gangsta flava when he says it so maybe when he grows up he's going to totally go crip on me.

I do love when people give parenting advice though. I've survived nine years and three kids and they are all still breathing so I think I'm doing okay at this. Not to mention that my pediatrician thinks they are all pretty healthy and hasn't diagnosed them retarted yet. Sometimes they act retarted and yeah the parking is an advantage but he seems to think they are totally normal. (disclaimer...I am not prejudice against handicap people, drool cups turn me on)

I loved this post though. You crack me up on a daily basis!!