Thursday, April 10, 2008

The Library Wins

Wouldn't you know it, I got a letter from the library.

Yes, I have some things overdue and a smallish fine, but those violations don't usually get a letter.

The letter said that The Giving Tree had pen marks and a stain on it and I owe them $16.

FUCKERS.

I *know* the pen was there when we got it, it was black ink and I remember thinking some kid must've been inspired by the pen and ink illustrations and it slipped by the Library Nazi because it blended in so well.

But NOW they see it, and who are they going to believe:

Carmen the Library Nazi?

or

Ashley who has allegedly damaged 4 other books (I'll admit to two) and constantly carries an overdue balance?

Fuckers.

And I'm curious about this stain. I read the book twice, little kid was never near it, I kept it on the shelf by the front door. I just can't imagine it's anything to write a letter about.

I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY CARMEN.

You'll never have to look up my card number or handle my dirty money ever again.

Bitch.

10 comments:

txchic said...

I'm so sorry about your letter, but it absolutely gave me a good laugh. Let me just tell you, FUC* all the Carmens of the world. I'm tired of people living with a stick up their as*.

Mitch said...

I can't go to the library anymore because I'm like you -- I perpetually forget to return things. I rack up late fees like crazy at places like the library and Blockbuster. Thank god for Netflix - no late fees!

mrs said...

That is exactly why I just buy stuff. Also, I could never remember to return what I checked out.

catfish said...

$16!!! They are totally doing you up the butt.
"What What in the butt, what what in the butt" (tell me you've heard that)

Lillian said...

I've recently started reading your blog... and I have to say thank you for making me laugh on a daily basis! I have a fit with our local librarian too. I can understand them being nerdy, but I just don't get them being so nasty. Then again, given the way they look, I guess I'd be a little sour with the rest of the too! :)

homegirl said...

I didn't go to the library for 5 years because I had a $20 balance to pay. LOL. Mine was just late fees which apparently cap out at $20 (if you return them which I did). It wasn't my fault though. How are you supposed to use the book "How to do your own divorce" in only a month. It's a conspiracy.

Deb said...

$16?! Catfish is right. That's rape. You can buy a brand new one on Amazon for $11. I think Carmen is supplementing her income by inflating prices on books, and I bet you aren't the only person who got a letter about a stain on The Giving Tree this month. Did she also ask you to make the check or money order out to "The Community Library of Carmen"?

Jennifer Beck said...

Me too, sister. I got a letter saying I owe $10 for a book I know i returned in December. My letter says it's for a book replacement fee. I'm so mad about it I haven't paid the $10 either. I feel bad when the kids ask if we can go to the library. I keep putting them off since we can't check anything out right now. Whenever I get over this angry grudge, and pay the fee, I'm going to make the librarian check my books back IN as I watch and make her sign my receipt.
Ohhhh - they make me mad.

Snooty Primadona said...

Librarians are really just control freaks. Where else would they ever have control? (I still have books I never returned to the library because they pissed me off.)

lyndakay916 said...

Catfish-please explain the what what in the butt thing.. curiosity's killing me