Friday, April 11, 2008

The Other Day in The Car

Ashley: Mom, did you tell Cousin Julie about my blog?

Mom: Um, well, oh yeah! I just sent her the page about Heidi Louise and then she emailed me back and she was like, "Oh, what's this blog?" and I was like, "Yeah Ashley writes it and it's a really big deal, but it's a secret and don't tell your mom because Ashley has to be over the top someti--"

Ashley: So yes? I'm fine with her knowing, I've been wanting to tell her actually, but first I probably would have edited out the part about how I would rather douse myself in kerosene and light myself on fire than go hang out with her parents and brother.

Mom: You didn't say that.

Ashley: Uh yeah, I said that.

Mom: I don't remember you saying that.

Ashley: I said that.

Mom: Why would you say such a thing?

Ashley: Because it's funny.

Mom: Well maybe she won't read that far back.

Ashley: It wasn't that long ago, I bet she'll read that far back.

Mom: We'll just tell her that it was someone else.

Ashley: I don't know...she's pretty smart. She might remember that they were here just last month, around the same time I wrote that.

Mom: I really don't remember you writing that. I'm not sure why you would, I thought you really liked all of them.

Ashley: I do, but it was funny. I was dreading the actual event, not seeing them, the getting ready and watching the kids and small talk and whatnot. I ended up having fun, but looking forward to it isn't nearly as entertaining as preferring to set yourself on fire.

Mom: She probably won't read it. Right?

Ashley: She'll be fine, she's cool, of all people to understand making an ass out of yourself in the name of comedy, it's Julie.

So, in case you did catch that Julie, I didn't mean it. Not really anyway. You know your side of the family is the cool side. I just have anti-social tendencies (they're called Kids).

Now our other uncle is coming into town and my mom has declared a command performance at her house on Monday...and I'm pretty sure both kids are going to have an ear infection that day. Probably me too. Double ear infections all around. So sad, so sad.

Because, honestly, I'd rather bathe in honey and roll around in fire ants than go.

Sorry mom.


Maddness of Me said...

My blog has evolved from this way to let friends know how my wedding plans are going and the whole moving in together... to this snarky why did I give up my single life for this shit blog.


Forgot the husband gave the blog to his whole family, co-workers, clients, and friends.

Oh well.

ef them if they can't take a joke :)

Ok, so I went back and edited a few things. I caved.

I need to start a new blog.

I'm so weak. I hate myself.

Anonymous said...

And that's exactly why I wouldn't have told dear ol' mom. Sorry Ashley's mom.

Elizabeth said...

Did you get those damn pictures done yet?

It's tough love time, darlin.

Unknown said...

Ashley, I TOTALLY missed it and am so ashamed of myself. Because, since finding your Closet, I’ve spent the better part of my work days catching up on the last 2 years of your life, I simply can’t explain how I missed such entertaining commentary on the family.

I know what I’ll be doing tonight.

I just shared your blog with my cousin John so I'll be sure to re-emphasize the 'secret' part one more time. I don’t think Linda would get it --

And for the record, I have only heard great stories about little kid AND that he’s hysterical, possibly the funniest person my dad has ever met.

Anonymous said...

Too freaking funny.

KatBouska said...

I've got to be honest...sometimes I think I could possibly out funny you. It's true. I have my moments. And then I read another blog. And I hurt. From laughing. But also because I don't know if I could hang.

Rebecca said...

Does it bother you that there seem to be a lot of Ashley wannabee's out there? I've visited a few blogs of some of your commenters, and I feel like I'm reading carbon copies of your past posts. It makes me mad! It's ok to be inspired and create your own blog, but be original people!

Sorry, just had to rant here...

(You don't have to post approve this if you think it will cause controversy.)

Anonymous said...

hmmm, so 3 people in your family so far - it won't be long now, no one can keep a secret these days ;)

Unknown said...

LOL!!! My sister turned me on to you, Ashley. This blog rocks!

Don't be mad, Julie. It's all in fun!

Anonymous said...

AHHHH I love the smell of sarcasm in the morning! Good morning Ashley, I've been out of touch the last couple of days because that whole J-O-B thing has been busy. xo

Anonymous said...

Ohhhh shit.... Mine is a total secret, too. My mom is here right now, actually, and I'm having to sneak on and off. It sucks. Needles to say, my entries have been lacking!