Ashley: Mom, did you tell Cousin Julie about my blog?
Mom: Um, well, oh yeah! I just sent her the page about Heidi Louise and then she emailed me back and she was like, "Oh, what's this blog?" and I was like, "Yeah Ashley writes it and it's a really big deal, but it's a secret and don't tell your mom because Ashley has to be over the top someti--"
Ashley: So yes? I'm fine with her knowing, I've been wanting to tell her actually, but first I probably would have edited out the part about how I would rather douse myself in kerosene and light myself on fire than go hang out with her parents and brother.
Mom: You didn't say that.
Ashley: Uh yeah, I said that.
Mom: I don't remember you saying that.
Ashley: I said that.
Mom: Why would you say such a thing?
Ashley: Because it's funny.
Mom: Well maybe she won't read that far back.
Ashley: It wasn't that long ago, I bet she'll read that far back.
Mom: We'll just tell her that it was someone else.
Ashley: I don't know...she's pretty smart. She might remember that they were here just last month, around the same time I wrote that.
Mom: I really don't remember you writing that. I'm not sure why you would, I thought you really liked all of them.
Ashley: I do, but it was funny. I was dreading the actual event, not seeing them, the getting ready and watching the kids and small talk and whatnot. I ended up having fun, but looking forward to it isn't nearly as entertaining as preferring to set yourself on fire.
Mom: She probably won't read it. Right?
Ashley: She'll be fine, she's cool, of all people to understand making an ass out of yourself in the name of comedy, it's Julie.
So, in case you did catch that Julie, I didn't mean it. Not really anyway. You know your side of the family is the cool side. I just have anti-social tendencies (they're called Kids).
Now our other uncle is coming into town and my mom has declared a command performance at her house on Monday...and I'm pretty sure both kids are going to have an ear infection that day. Probably me too. Double ear infections all around. So sad, so sad.
Because, honestly, I'd rather bathe in honey and roll around in fire ants than go.