The belly casting went well. LK's friend Arlynn is a really good sport. Apparently she didn't realize the extent of what she was getting into because when I told her to get ready she just sort of pulled her shirt up.
Ashley: Oh...topless. Is that okay?
Arlynn: Oh, yeah. Okay. (takes shirt off, standing in my kitchen in a bra and pj bottoms)
Ashley: Okay, now you have to rub this vaseline all over yourself.
Arlynn: Oh, really? Alright. That is kind of weird. Like just rub it in like a moisturizer?
Ashley: I think you want to get a lot on there, really grease yourself up, you know? I swear I'm not being a perv, I just don't want to end up giving you a full body wax job when this thing comes off. Are you going to take your bra off?
Arlynn: Oh, um, well...
Ashley: Have you seen one of these done before?
Arlynn: Yeah, on tv, but there was no nudity or vaseline involved.
Ashley: But I want the boobs in there, if that's okay. I mean, you don't have to, but have you seen them when it's like the whole upper half of the body? Sort of statue-ish...you know? You don't have to.
Arlynn: No, it's fine. Okay. Whatever. (takes bra off, starts rubbing Vaseline in)
Ashley: I hope Big Kid doesn't notice, I could just see him telling his teacher that his mom had a naked lady in his kitchen rubbing stuff all over herself...Okay, now just make yourself comfortable while I smooth these gloppy strips all over you, okay?
It wasn't nearly as awkward as it sounds and actually turned out great. Luckily she had nice boobs, I think that helped the overall project. Also, the kids didn't even notice and no one was permanently scarred by any of it. So far so good.
So now I'm here with Big Kid and Em, who are a little loud for my personal taste. LK warned me earlier that Em still wakes up in the middle of the night for milk (she won the night feeding war) and that she goes to bed pretty late and wakes up early. Oh yay. I told her we didn't play that game around here and she laughed at me.
As she was leaving we had the following exchange:
LK: She'll be fine. Right?
Ashley: Oh yeah, this will be no big deal.
LK: What if she misses me in the middle of the night?
Ashley: I'll tell her you don't miss her and to go back to bed.
LK: She might end up in your bed.
Ashley: Yeah, yeah, whatever, I'll deal with it.
LK: You're right, she'll be okay. Earlier today she thought that I was spending the night too and when I told her I wasn't she paused for a moment and then asked if you knew how to wipe butts. Don't worry, I told her you're an expert. HAHAHA. I'm out of here. Hell yeah.
And now I'm here, with the incessant chatter from these two and the cycles of love, hate and indifference they keep going through.
Just a minute ago, as I was typing this, Big Kid decided to draw a portrait of Emily. He presented it to her and she got pissed:
Em: What is that??
Big Kid: It's you. It's dest a pitchur, of you. (Big smile)
Em: Uh. (huff) What is up with those dots all awound my mouf, huh?
Big Kid: It's fweckles.
Em: Look at my face, Big Kid. Do I have fweckles awound my mouf? Do I?
Big Kid: Well, no. I don't see any.
Em: Well, that's why I'm mad. That does NOT look like me.
Big Kid: (looks at picture, looks at her) Oh. I'm sowwy. It doesn't look like you. Now I dest have to frow it in da twash. (sadly)
Ashley: You don't have to throw it away, maybe it's someone else.
Big Kid: No, no. It's not someone else. It's for my Emmers and it's sposed to be my Emmers and it is dest not good enough. Dis is not a good enough pitchur for her. I will do a better one, a pwettier one for my Emmers.
Em: Come here, Big Kid. Give me a kiss.
Oh goodness, I'll be back later. With pictures. It's just getting louder and louder in here, I have to exert myself as the Alpha Dog before I totally lose control of this situation.
Sorry i'm missing all the fun-NOT! You know where I went for dinner?? P.F. Changs!! Yes, I went somewhere I could never take Emmers and loved every peaceful minute of it. Have fun over there (hehehe) i'm going to go digest my banana spring rolls...
P.S. Kaylin says keep her
Sounds like they are an old married couple already. WTF? Someone is teaching them well though... judging by the picture exchange.
Glad its you and not me!
Oh my gosh! The belly casting thing was hysterical. Love the conversation you two had. I'm just trying to imagine having a half naked woman in my kitchen and telling her to grease herself up with Vaseline, before I smooth strips on her...yeah, I don't think I could do it! My luck, my husband would "accidentally" walk in.
Post a Comment