Saturday, April 26, 2008


was a-maz-ing.


Holy cow.

Let me also state for the invitation to any performing STOMP cast member who would like to do me.

Wow. Just Wow. Something about percussion, good rhythm, and combat boots just makes me want to get naked.

I wanted to throw my panties on stage but I was pretty far from the stage...and I didn't want anyone to trip...and I was with Big Kid...and I was at an opera house...and I was wearing SPANX bike shorts instead of panties. So I didn't.

While we're on the subject, let's talk about proper attire. Proper attire would mean wearing clothing that was appropriate for the occasion. Going to the opera house and paying high ticket prices = dressing nicely. Regardless of the show, or the time of day, or your age.

Jeans are okay (if dressed up), but the t-shirt you got for free from Home Depot is not. Think Dressy Casual. I should not have felt overdressed in a black cotton dress and high heeled sandals. I should have blended right in, but you people with your SHORTS and CROCS and ratty T-SHIRTS made me feel conspicuous.

Big Kid thought I looked very pretty and told me several times. I think he was just glad I wasn't going to wear the bra and panties I was walking around the house in earlier in the day.

Big Kid: Um, are you gonna wear dat to STOMP?
Ashley: Yes, why?
Big Kid: (looking me up and down nervously) So dat will be your dwess?
Ashley: Yes, don't I look pretty?
Big Kid: Um, Sowwy.

So he was probably just making a big deal out of the black dress so I wouldn't go back to the beige grandma bra and the black and pink thong. Thank goodness he's never seen the Spanx. No one has EVER seen the Spanx, and no one ever will.

God forbid I'm ever in a terrible car accident and I happen to be wearing Spanx...just let me die before you even think about letting some hot EMT cut those ugly things off of me. Please. For the love of God. This is something that I have actually lost sleep over, this possibility. Don't let it happen.

Anyway, the show was great and Big Kid LOVED IT. He remembers parts of it that I don't, and was just captivated from start to finish. He's been stomping around here and banging on things all night.

We got really lucky at the Japanese steak house and ended up sitting at the same table as a 4 year old that Big Kid was playing with outside, so they were as entertained with each other as they were with the chef, who was great. I am so full right now.

little kid went to the zoo with gram and gramps and was supposedly no trouble at all, although they seemed awful eager to get us the heck out of there. He was dirty and sticky and fell asleep on the way home, so I'm guessing he had fun. Big Kid was especially glad to see him since my dad had told him that he was going to leave little kid on the monkey island. Big Kid told him not to do that, that little kid was his baby and he couldn't let him do that to him.

I guess he forgot about little kid being his baby when he held him underwater in the baby pool the other day. Just trying to make him swim, my ass.

So, all in all, it was a great anniversary celebration for The Ashleys. Did we regret, even a bit, including a 4 year old in our plans?

Hell to the motherfucking yeah we did, several times today. But whatever, he loved it. That's what this whole parenting gig is about right? Sacrificing your own fun for the sake of others.

Edited to add: Mr. Ashley says open invitation to any STOMP cast member that wants to do him too. But then he remembered that there were only two girls and one was a little man-ish, so he clarified no men and no women that look like men. Leaving him really only one option. However, I am not so picky, so whoever, call me.

Edited again to add: Actually, don't call me. Email me. k?thxbai


Anonymous said...

LOL at Big Kid! Glad you had fun, the Japanese steakhouse is always my choice for celebratory dinners too!

wendy said...

On proper attire: seriously! Have a little self respect people. If Big Kid can do it. . . and really, NO ONE should wear a home depot shirt unless they work there - and know how to answer to answer your questions - AND are willing to.

Anonymous said...

this comment isn't really related to the current post. That said, I'm glad you had fun at stomp. What I have been wondering though, and perhaps you have already addressed this and I missed it, why don't you show pics of yourself? I have seen many pictures of your adorable boys and some of your friends, but not one of you. Do you have stalker problems or something? I seriously am just wondering if you look the way that I picture you. Probably not. Mayble you now think that I am a stalker. Really not all, I just read about your daily life all and don't even know what you look like. Anyway, I was just curious. kthxbai

KatBouska said...

And ps, Victoria's Secret is totally selling a one piece swimsuit that has the spanx material IN IT. It's called the magic suit. It LOOKS like super hot and sexy beach attire, but it's totally SPANX all gussied up. And now I'm tempted to wear it under all my clothes...then, if you're in an accident, the hot EMT will cut off your clothes and be like "DAMMMMNN GIRL" and totally work harder to revive you. Check it out!

Anonymous said...

Sounds awesome. Glad you got a night out on the town for your socialization issues ;) BK is so freaking sweet. Isn't it amazing how protective they 'seem' to others? We live with them. We know the truth... Hope you score with a cast member.

Life, Love And Lola said...

I agree...Guys with brooms are HOT!

Renee said...

"That's what this whole parenting gig is about right? Sacrificing your own fun for the sake of others."

Is this true? If so, I think this might be the missing link around here. I hate self sacrifice. I am all about ME ME ME. I'm going to try to implement this philosophy here and see what happens. Lol. :)

-The Renee

~Gretchen~ said...

i LOVED stomp when we went a few years ago. that is some fun shit!

it was also an anniversary date with my husband. but instead of taking a Big Kid along, we took my mother.

Life, Love And Lola said...

Ashley are you still doing the coke code thing? I have 8 tops sitting here...just curious.

Life, Love And Lola said...


I'm not so sure about that anonymous comment...I think you have another stalker.

Anonymous said...

I was laughing my Azz off at your spanx talk. You had me rolling so hard I had to read it to my lovely hubby. Of course he knows what a Spanx is, and wants to know why I am not more discreet about wearing mine.

Love your blog. I read all the time, started when you had a smelly, cow on the railroad tracks troll. Sorry I don't comment more, but I will work on it ;)

Things I May Regret Writing said...

Oh, I'm so excited to see I am not the only one who hates when people don't dress properly to the theater! It's the theater, it's an occasion. Ok, maybe you're a tourist, so jeans are ok. But come on, shorts? You didn't bring one pair of long pants in that giant suitcase?

Unknown said...

Renee, I know all about your selfishness. I remember that time you were going to frost birthday cupcakes with peanut butter. Ugh, the shame.

Anonymous, Mr. Ashley made the "no grown up photos on the blog" rule. You really haven't seen my friends' faces and there are a few photos in the archives of me either with a camera to my face or with funny sunglasses on. Maybe one day I'll let you all give me some money and I'll show you. Or maybe if I win the awards in my sidebar I'll show you. We'll have to negotiate something.

Gretchen--so you weren't able to throw your panties on stage either huh? Next time we should go together...

Fishsticks, I cannot believe you let your poor husband see you in Spanx. The shame and horror of it all is just too much. Do you let him see you poop too? It's not right.

Kathy, totally going to search out that suit now...but doesn't the fat have to squeeze out of somewhere? I'm concerned.

And yes, no one should wear a home depot shirt and we've been over the rules for Crocs.


Margaret said...

I love Spanx---last week my 2 year old walked in when I was putting them on and asked what they were. I said "Spanx" and his eyes got really big and he said, "wow!". Not sure where what the wow factor of Spanx is, but whatever...

I love, love, love your blog and it's the first thing I read every morning after I check my email. I was reading some of your posts to hubby tonight and we were both laughing so hard we had tears running down our faces. :)

Anonymous said...

no need to worry about any stalking coming from me. I don't have my own blog but considering how many people are reading yours I can understand wanting a little privacy. I was actually a little bit drunk when I posted last night, I usually just lurk, so sorry about that. I do enjoy reading though.

Anonymous said...

Dear Anonymous, this is Ashley's Mom. I wanted to tell you about a funny incident. A few years ago, Ashley and I were in Orlando for a wedding and we were walking down Church Street (the party part of Orlando). Couples and groups of people kept passing us and time and time again I would see them look at each other and say the same three words. I couldn't figure out what was going on until I finally said "what are they saying?" Someone within our group who was walking behind us said that they were all saying "Sex in the City". I guess they thought Ashley was Sarah Jessica Parker. In my opinion, she is alot (is that a word?)prettier and has amazing blue eyes but they do have the same curly hair. Now you have the picure, right??

KatieGirlBlue said...

Wow! Really? SJP is one of my style icons, mostly because of the blonde afro. Ashley, I shall now read your blog with even MORE zeal and fervor. And we Utahans are known for our fervor.

Unknown said...

LOL and rolling my eyes at my mom.

I think people say Sarah Jessica Parker because we both have curly blond hair. Around the time "Almost Famous" came out, I heard Kate Hudson all the time. I look like neither, so I think it's the hair.

Maybe I'll share my Yahoo avatar with you all, it looks like a prettier, cartoon version of me (but it does really resemble me, lol).

Only until I implement a way to profit off of sharing my pic. I'm sure one day you'll see the real me. Many of you have.

Anonymous said...

thank you, ashley's mom. I can totally picture ashley now. And I love SJP and Kate hudson. Funny though, I never thought you were blonde. Don't ask me why, considering both your kids are blonde as can be.