Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Interrupted from Pantry Cleaning

Big Kid: I didn't play wif a knife.

Ashley: Oh no? What knife?

Big Kid: No knife. I didn't touch a knife.

Ashley: Where?

Big Kid: Nowhere.

Ashley: Okay. I just hope you're not telling a fib because Santa is keeping a big long checklist, and if you get too many checks, you don't get any presents at Christmas. That would be awfully sad, if we woke up on Christmas morning and little kid had piles of presents, because he doesn't lie, and you didn't have one gift. I just want to make sure that isn't going to happen.

Big Kid: Oh. Um. (shifty eyed, frowning) Well, I didn't cut anyfing wif a knife.

Ashley: But did you play with one?

Big Kid: No, I tode you dat already.

Ashley: Yeah. You did.

Big Kid: So dere. Dat's what I tode you. Hmmmph. (snotty little look)

Ashley: Go to your room. Time-out.

Big Kid: AAAAAAHHHHH. NO. NOOOOOO. NO. I'm sowwy. I won't be nasty anymore. I'm sowwy for bein' sassy. Noooooo. Noooooo, mudder, noooooo.

Ashley: Get in there, or I'm taking away an hour of tv privileges.

Big Kid: No. Not my pwivwidges, not today. WAAAAAAAAH.

(later in time out)

Ashley: So did you see a knife somewhere? Even if you didn't play with it, did you see one? Because I would need to know because little kid could hurt himself badly.

Big Kid: No. I didn't pwetend it was a sword either.

Ashley: You didn't?

Big Kid: Nope. I didn't use da knife for a sword 'cuz dat would be bad. Dat could make you lose your pwivwidges.

Ashley: So could telling fibs.

Big Kid: What fib?

Ashley: Where is it?

Big Kid: What?

Ashley: The knife. The one you didn't use for a sword.

Big Kid: Um, it's not on da ceilin'. It's not on da floor. It's not outside, no it is not outside. It's not here, not dere, not anywhere. I don't know, I don't fink dere eben is a knife.

I really can't imagine the whole no knife policy declaration was just out of nowhere. He is a really ridiculous liar and he always starts getting smart alecky when he thinks he's got you. WRONG.

I can't prove it, but I'm 99% sure that there is more than one good reason for his butt to be in time-out right now, and the fact that he's in there screaming "Let me back out! What a bad gull you are, you bad, bad, gull. You open dis door." doesn't help his case one bit.

It's pretty much guilty until proven innocent around here and you better walk the line during the investigation, thank you very much.

Guess who is losing tv pwivwidges?


Elizabeth said...

Clearly he did not play with it.

NOR....did he use it as a sword.

I love it.

so tired said...

He should fare pretty well during interrogations later in life. He never implicates himself exactly. You know he's guilty but can you prove it....

That or he's the next Dr. Seuss.... with that "it's not on da ceilin'. It's not on da floor. It's not outside, no it is not outside. It's not here, not dere, not anywhere. I don't know, I don't fink dere eben is a knife."

jenn said...

I'm dying! That would be like me telling my husband, "I didn't go to the Coach outlet today. No sirree. And I CERTAINLY didn't buy anything there. Uh-uh."

Slick moves, Big Kid, very slick.

Anonymous said...

Great! I just love how he gives everything's great when we can outsmart them....but it won't last for long.

KatBouska said...

It's just wrong how much I love big kid. I could read interactions like that all day. I don't know how you don't bust must be used to it. That's the only explanation. And I still love him. Give him back his pwivwidges...that knife is bound to show up some time.

Anonymous said...

OMG! You have me LOL!! That is hysterical. I love that he's calling you a bad gull.

Anonymous said...

lmao at the Dr. Suess comment. and, oh shit, you better find that knife before lk does!

Life, Love And Lola said...

I hope you let him out before the sun went down...God forbid you ruin his SUNSHINEY DAY again...

P.S. Find that knife that he didn't use as a sword.

Renee said...

I have been in BK's presence and I will second the "how do you keep a straight face?" comment. I would totally start to giggle right in the middle of these conversations. If I recall, we shared a few amused glances on the sly while you were dealing with some of his sassiness last summer. Man, that kid is funny!!

-The Renee

Renee said...

Oh, I forgot to mention that I've implemented this new Lie Detector Test around here and it's working REALLY well. You put your thumb up Fonzie-style and have your kid grip your thumb and squeeze. Then you make him/her look you in the eye, and you ask the question you want to know. They answer you, and you tell them if they are lying or not. It's a magic power that sends the information from their body into yours, and you instantly know if they are lying or telling the truth. The most fun part is when they stand there looking at you expectantly, waiting for the "truth or fib" verdict. It's nice 'cuz it makes it seem like you have some sort of 3rd party telling you the truth; it's not that you are just deciding that you don't believe them.

-The Renee

Cinnamon said...

I thought I was reading a Dr. Seuss book there for a second. I wish my 4 yr old knew the word priviledge, lol.

Kim said...

OK, how old is BK? My four year old is seriously his brother from another mother. We had nearly an identical conversation yesterday. After I saw him up on a chair stabbing a watermelon with a knife he had climbed onto the counter to get. WTF? And he *borrowed* a car from preschool because it's his favorite. Um, your favorite crappy little paint chipped car? How do they learn to lie so early!?

Anonymous said...

What, you mean you don't believe him about the knife? LOL cute.

dannibanani said...

I am in some serious trouble when my LO starts talking. I already can't contain the giggles in some situations.

I don't know how you do it Ashley, but I couldn't keep a straight face.

And I SO thought he was quoting Dr. Seuss for a minute...

Katie said...

Make sure you check his room before you sleep. He may have the knife, that he hasnt touched, or used as a sword, under his pillow...and you did take away his privildges....just saying.

Denise said...


Well I Do Declare said...

That just made my day!