Hi! This is your nose. I know it is weird for me to write you a letter, but I don't know how else to get through to you.
I know that the blackhead issue that we've been having has just recently come to your attention. I have been scrutinized, scrubbed, squeezed, sterilized, prodded and gouged with that weird metal tool you have (that thing totally hurts by the way, it is barbaric).
Yes, our clogged pore issue is getting better...but I am turning into a scab. Even worse, you STILL (especially?) can't leave me alone now that there is peeling skin involved.
Stop touching me. Stop picking at me. Stop staring at me. Stop putting stuff on me.
You are a freak.
Also, stop considering a nose job. I'm not THAT bad. Jesus, like I'm so bad you'd rather pay to have me broken and cut open and mutilated? That is so not your style. The boobs, yeah...they need help. But please, find something else to focus your attention on.