Soooo, I like all of the comments about misusing prescription drugs and taking bong hits. You are a group of wise women, my friends.
I was actually thinking the other day that one day I'm going to have two teenage boys. I'm pretty sure that means an 85% chance of finding pot in the house one day.
I know it is practically inevitable, so I already have a plan.
I'm going to call Mr. Ashley and we are going to sit down together, talk about how we want to handle this and roll a big fat joint and smoke ourselves silly.
Our little criminal will come home to find us hunched over the coffee table, sharing a giant banana split with hot fudge and peanut butter and blue berries and Capt'n Crunch cereal with potato chips on top and a side of cheese fries. We'll look up with surprised red eyes and I'll elbow Mr. Ashley into action:
Mr. Ashley: Hey, you! You there. Big-littl...yeah you. Kid.
Ashley: (snorting back a giggle)
Mr. Ashley: You're in trouble. (looks down at ice cream, takes a bite)
Mr. Ashley: (Quiet. Looks at me.)
Ashley: (snorts. Rolls eyes. Nods towards coffee table feast)
Mr. Ashley: (Staring at me.)
Ashley: Remember? (Giving him "the look", miming joint smoking action)
Mr. Ashley: OH YEAH. We found your pot. You're in huge trouble. Enormous. I don't even want to talk about it right now. Go to your room, don't come out.
Ashley: (loud whisper) Get the stuff..remember you were going to get the rest of the...
Mr. Ashley: YES. YES. That's right. We know you have more. Bring it down here right this second.
Ashley: YEAH! We're going to burn it!
Mr. Ashley: What? No! Confiscate it. She means we are confiscating it.
Ashley: Of course that is what I mean, what else would I mean? It has to be destroyed. He knows I meant we were going to destroy it. What? Like we're going to smoke it? Come on. We wouldn...
Mr. Ashley: Shhh.
Mr. Ashley: Just stop. YOU! You go to your room. Why are you standing there? Who are you staring at? Go to your room while we continue our discussion on what to do about this.
Ashley: I thought we were going to smoke it? I mean burn it. Burn it. NOT smoke it.
Mr. Ashley: No, what to do about him. We're figuring out what to do about him. Remember?
Ashley: Yes I remember. Why wouldn't I remember? (wild giggling)
So, at least I have the whole thing planned out already. You know, I've already given it some thought. Because that's what good parents do, they anticipate what is going to happen and then they formulate a plan as to how they will deal with it. I've got this one dealt with.